“That’s awesome. What about some sort of counselor or something?”
“I don’t know. I’m still looking around.”
“Sounds good.”
Rachel brought Emery money every couple months, after they’d sent another blackmail letter to Phil. Emery hated relying on the money from him, but he owed her and she was able to be away from him because of it. Derrick has most of it in an account for her and she was saving it for when she really needed it. She inhaled again and felt all the straight, rigid lines of her life curve as the high took over.
“Derrick got you a new license for Emily Sanders with your new hair, so now you have a driver’s license and a social security card. I think that’s all you need.”
“Yep. I’m Emily Sanders,” Emery said slowly, blowing smoke into the air. She’d kept her hair brown; it was a rich chestnut color and now skimmed her shoulders. She thought freedom agreed with her—she’d mellowed. She laughed all the time now with Rachel or Noah, but she really didn’t leave her cocoon of safety. With everyone else, she was still guarded and tried to blend into the background. Emery didn’t have a car yet, so if she went anywhere she had to depend on public transportation or Noah. She hated to inconvenience him, so she spent most of her time in and around the condo. All the places she went alone were within walking distance and she tried to be okay with eating by herself. She brought a book everywhere with her so she didn’t have to talk to people.
“Em,” Rachel sighed as she plopped down next to Emery, “I know this must be hard, but you can become someone else now. You can be anything you want.”
“Except all the things I wanted to do I can’t now. I wanted to go to Georgia, but I can’t because I only have a GED. I wanted to be a doctor or something.”
“You did?”
Emery couldn’t remember if she did or not. The first time Phil had come in her room, her entire life crumbled. With the violent way he took her, he also took her dreams. His thrusts still flashed through her mind; his grunts filled her nightmares. Every single day, in the seconds between sleep and dreams, she felt paralyzed. Those were the seconds where she (unaware of the reason) saw him lick his fingers for the first time, over and over again. Those seconds of the day were where she felt his presence in the room with her, wherever she was.
She shook her head, trying to remember what they were actually talking about before her mind had scooped her up and dragged her to the place she feared the most. She’d stopped everything after that, like a switch had been turned off. She stopped gymnastics, dreaming of the future, and stopped letting people touch her.
“I don’t know.” She laughed, simply because she was high and if she thought about her future she might collapse at the truth of it.
“Well, what do you want to do now?” Rachel asked as she danced and jumped around the den.
“You know what I want. I want someone to kiss me.” She held the joint out for Rachel, then brought her fingertips to her lips.
“You still haven’t let anyone near you?” Rachel asked before taking a pull off the last of the joint.
Emery shook her head. She couldn’t. She didn’t trust anyone, not even herself. She lifted herself off the couch and danced toward Rachel. They both lost themselves in the rhythm of the music. They danced around each other, lifted their arms over their heads, gyrated their hips, and shook their heads to the beat of music blaring out of the speakers.
As the song was about to end, Noah and a few of his football friends came in the door with beer and other bags. Emery didn’t know how long the guys stood in the doorway watching the display before Rachel caught sight of them and stopped to curtsy.
“Cousin…light of my life,” Noah said jovially as he walked into the kitchen and set his things on the counter.
Emery’s chest heaved with exertion and she and Rachel leaned on each other, watching as the boys came in and put their things down.
One of the guys Emery didn’t recognize hit Noah on the arm. “That’s your cousin?”
“Yep. Off limits, Ethan.” Noah looked at Emery and winked at her.
Rachel, with her hands in her hair, walked over to the sink. She tied her hair back, stuck her hip out, and pouted. “I’m so not off limits, Ethan.” She smiled, her red lips exposing perfect white teeth.
“Rach,” Noah warned.
“What? A girl has needs, right, Em?” She laughed, then sauntered back over to the couch where Emery had folded herself and whispered into Emery’s ear, “I will get your first kiss tonight. Even if I have to do it myself.”