The passenger door opened and Rachel got in. She was breathless. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Emery smiled and started back toward 285.
“So did your dad ground you or something?” Emery asked. She’d wondered how the rest of Rachel’s night went. Her family had been out when she got home and she’d snuck in, taken a hot shower to rid herself of the shame of the intake procedure at the jail, and then crawled into bed wearing a t-shirt.
“Yep.” Rachel pulled out a flask and poured from it into a soda bottle, then screwed the top back onto the bottle. “Can’t you tell?”
“Why do you do these things that get you into trouble?”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t want to get in trouble.”
“Oh, he says I’m grounded, but that doesn’t mean shit.” Rachel leaned back against the leather seat and stared out the window. “He’s not around enough to know.”
Emery chuckled. “Well, at least you’re consistent.”
The rest of the trip was filled with them singing pop songs at the top of their lungs and Rachel taking sips of her drink. When they parked at Six Flags, Rachel pulled out shorts and a t-shirt for Emery to wear.
“I knew you were headed to school, so I brought these for you to change into.”
Emery stared at the tank top and shorts for a few moments then looked at her skirt and long-sleeved shirt. She began shaking her head.
Rachel cocked her head to the side. “Why?”
“I…”
Realization washed over Rachel’s features and she sighed. “At least put the shorts on, crazy, it’s like 90 degrees.” Rachel’s eyes, full of pity, fell on Emery’s long sleeves.
“Fine.” Emery smiled even though she was disgusted with herself. She didn’t want pity. She pulled on the shorts under her skirt and then shimmied the skirt down her legs. “Don’t look at me like that, Rachel. I didn’t tell you because I wanted your pity.”
“Em…” Rachel started.
“I don’t know why I told you, but I did and I don’t want to know how much you pity me. It makes me…”
“I don’t pity you, Em. You’re super strong just standing there. I just wish I could help.”
“Well you can’t, so just forget I told you,” Emery spat.
Rachel grabbed Emery’s arm as they walked toward the entrance of the park. “Emery. I can’t forget that you told me, but I promise you that I don’t pity you. Okay?”
Emery nodded.
After the rocky start to the day, she now found herself laughing and crying with a joy she hadn’t felt in many years. Rachel and Emery screamed at the top of their lungs as they fell from the very top of the ride called Free Fall.
The joy and every other emotion that came with being around Rachel was disheartening for Emery because she knew if she allowed herself to feel it, she’d feel everything. You couldn’t pick and choose the emotions you felt—you either felt nothing or felt it all. She knew with Rachel opening the door for Emery to feel elation, grief would follow. Emery knew the utter sorrow she felt when she thought about how no one would help her would usurp all the happiness and she would drown in it. She hadn’t seen the lightness of life in three years; she viewed everything through the veil of evil. She found that when your vision is hazy in that way, you can’t see the possibilities, opportunities, or even have hope that they exist. Her veil slipped a little around Rachel.
Rachel grabbed Emery’s hand and they walked off the ride together.
“That was awesome.” Emery laughed.
“Let’s go again,” Rachel urged, pulling her back to get in the same line.
Emery took in Rachel’s racerback tank top that read Where words fail, music speaks and her short shorts, paired with black Chuck Taylors. They were so opposite from each other; Rachel seeking the attention she didn’t get from her father and Emery trying to hide from everything, especially at home.
As they stood in line, Rachel chatted about school, books she was reading, and the fact that Chandler had apologized a million times. Emery immersed herself in the normal that she didn’t have—the boy, books, and school. The friend. Emery really didn’t care about any of those things, but she was fascinated by how she should be acting and how different she really was from normal.
When they got to the ride again, Rachel took a seat next to Emery and grabbed her hand as the ride slowly rose to the top.
“You know, Em, you can always leave.”
Just then, the bottom dropped out from under them both. It was the scariest, most amazing feeling, and it was just what Emery needed.