"Who is? I'm not."
"You? You're an angel. You still haven't answered my question, though. Are you okay? Holding up?"
Glad the waterworks seemed to be drying up somewhat, she drew back a bit, feeling brave enough to look at him again. For now. "I'd do anything to bring him back. I miss him so much."
"I know you must."
"It's not only how I miss him-it's so fucking unfair. He deserves to be here to see his child come into this world. I don't understand why bad people seem to thrive and good people are taken from us. It makes me furious."
"God, sweetheart, you're preaching to the choir. But trust me, I come from a world where the bad people get their due. I've seen it."
Something about the way he said that chilled her, knowing how he felt about himself. But once her floodgates had opened, she couldn't seem to shut them. "And tonight . . . that guy in the elevator, and then Jenna . . ."
A line appeared between his dark eyebrows, a scowl that almost made her regret saying anything. "What did Jenna say?"
"Nothing bad, just more of the same, like your fan at the hotel. She didn't know who she was talking to."
"Fuck," he muttered. "It would've been better if I'd introduced you and said who you were from the start."
She shook her head. "I'm not sure I'm ready for that."
He was silent for a moment, contemplative, and she wondered if she'd hurt him with those words. It hadn't been her intention, only her truth. "Tommy really respected you, you know," she told him. "For all the crap you guys flung at each other before the fight, he thought holding his own with you in the cage would be the highest honor."
"I didn't know him," he said, "but he seemed like a solid guy."
Savannah shrugged. "He had his bad points like everyone. We fought like crazy a lot of the time growing up; I practically hated him sometimes. But once we were older, we got really close. I think it was Rowan who helped that happen, actually. She became like the sister I never had."
"I get that vibe from you two."
"Tommy was my parents' favorite, though, no two ways about it."
"Oh, come on."
"I think you're the first person to ask me how I'm doing in weeks. At least the first person who really seemed interested in the answer. Everyone around me has their own pain to deal with right now, and I feel like I would be overburdening them if I told them about mine. But I guess you have yours too, though, right? Am I being entirely selfish?"
He watched her, listening intently. No one had ever listened to her the way he did. Like every word was a treasure to be examined and considered. She hoped for some perfect wisdom from him, something, anything, that would make it all okay. "What's wrong with being selfish? If we don't look out for ourselves, who the hell will? But you, Savannah-no, you're definitely not."
Thinking about what he'd shared tonight, about the things he'd done for his brothers, she felt awful and childish on top of selfish, because what the hell did she really know about suffering? He probably wanted to call her a spoiled brat but was too nice to do it. "And for what it's worth," he went on, "you'll always have me if you need me."
Incredibly, that meant more to her at the moment than anything her family, her friends, or Rowan could ever have said. She smiled and kissed him. "That's worth more than you'll ever know."
Chapter Twelve
Finally, her eyes drifted closed. She opened them again to daybreak and a soft breeze caressing her cheeks. Lifting her head, she saw for the first time that Mike's bedroom had its own deck, where airy white curtains billowed around the open patio door. He stood out there now, leaning on the railing, wearing a gray T-shirt and long black shorts, framed by a cloud-choked sunrise.
Savannah rolled onto her back pushed both hands back against the headboard and indulged in a long, luxurious stretch to work out the aches in her muscles. She doubted very much, however, that there was much to be done for the ache between her thighs.
He must have heard the little groan she uttered with the effort of her stretch, because he turned and walked back in, smiling at her. "Morning. I was just about to wake you. Figured you needed to get back to your hotel."
"Do I have to?" she joked, rolling over to her stomach.
"No," he said solemnly, dropping to one knee beside the bed and brushing a dark tendril of hair from her eyes. "Not if I have anything to do with it."
"I wish I could," she said, and meant it. It would be wonderful to spend the day getting to know him, seeing his routines, learning his habits.
"I'm sorry you didn't get much sleep. But there's coffee, if you want it."
Feeling suddenly shy here in the light of day, she dropped her gaze to his wonderful mouth and said, "Can I have you instead?" Now that you've ruined me for all others?
His eyes closed as if he were in pain, but when he opened them again she knew there would be no arguing with him. "I'd better get you back, don't you think?"
Yes. He was right. Didn't mean she had to like it, but at least she could be mature about it.
A quick shower to wash off the night's remnants and she was left to put on her discarded, wrinkled sundress . . . with no panties, because Mike had destroyed them at her urging. She hoped to God a strong burst of wind didn't send the dress fluttering up around her head, showing her goods to everyone outside the hotel.
The hotel. She didn't want to think about it. Once she got back there, she would have Rowan to face, and entertain all day, and lie to. How could she look into those unassuming green eyes and pretend last night hadn't happened? Rowan would ordinarily be the first person she'd share her secrets with, if she shared them with anyone at all. Not this time. Oh, God, no, not this time.
The knowledge dampened her spirits. One night, she thought. Rowan told herself one night. You told yourself one night too.
Now she wanted so many more. She and Mike didn't have a one-night connection; it would take a lifetime to explore.
"I'm panty-less," she announced when she found him in the kitchen after drying her hair.
Mike turned from the counter with a wicked grin, handing her a freshly poured cup of coffee. "Trying to tempt me?"
She took the cup and sipped at it, letting her gaze meet his over the rim. "I don't know. Is it working?"
"Could be."
"I would walk out on your deck but I'm afraid of flashing any joggers that might be out there."
He chuckled. "I'll find you a hoodie. It'll swallow you, but it should at least keep that pretty ass covered." Reaching behind her, he gave said ass a squeeze and she damn near melted into a puddle on the floor. Did they really not have time . . . ?
Apparently not. He was already heading back toward the bedroom, telling her he would be right back. Carrying her coffee with her, she moved over to the patio door, watching seagulls frolic out on the beach for a few minutes. Other than the birds, it was empty. Under the steely gray sky, the gulf looked angry and sullen. Still beautiful. She would love to stand out there in a storm. "If I haven't told you enough already, I love it here," she called to Mike. "My offer still stands to take it off your hands."
A chuckle greeted her words. She glanced back at the sound, finding him reentering the kitchen carrying a bundled hoodie in one hand. "I'm afraid I've grown attached."
"I don't blame you. I would never leave."
"Ordinarily I split my time pretty evenly. When I'm training I like to be close to the gym."
Another unwanted thought touched her, and her cup froze halfway to her mouth. Why now? Why had all these reservations jumped up to attack her this morning? "Do you have a fight coming up? You'd said something about retiring before."
He was a while answering. "Yeah, I know. I'm still thinking about it. I work with my coach several times a week but no, I don't have anything scheduled. My manager wanted me to step back for a while, and I wanted to also."
Probably a smart move. "Have you told your people what you're thinking?"
"No."
He must not be considering it too hard, or he would ask for input from his team. She took a drink of coffee, debating with herself. "I don't think I can ever be around it again," she admitted after a moment. "After Tommy . . . No. I couldn't."
"For a while I didn't want to be around it either. I slowly got back in the gym, but it hasn't been easy. I just . . . I need it."