When we boarded the plane Monday afternoon we settled into our respective seats silently. We had the same flight attendant as last time and she beamed when we stepped on the plane, and then her face fell when she picked up on the tension between us. She brought me a water and Carter a whiskey. Alarms immediately went off in my head when I recalled the last time we'd fought and he'd had whiskey. Did I need to be concerned that he was headed down that path again? Should I ask him not to drink it? Should I tell him not to? I was his wife, I thought that gave me some sort of right to say something, but I didn't know how he would take it, so I didn’t.
I put my headphones on, cranked the music and opened a book on my tablet. I normally had no problem getting lost in the words, but for the entire flight I read the same few sentences over and over as my mind wondered about my future.
We landed that afternoon at Logan International. Carter had nursed a few glasses of whiskey on the flight, so he wasn't drunk like he'd been last time, just quiet. Parker met us at the airport.
"To Beacon Street, sir?" Parker questioned once we'd gotten in the car.
"Chandler Street. Thanks, Parker." My eyes shot to his profile. Carter was taking me home. He was dropping me off at my apartment after we'd gotten married and spent two blissful weeks in Aspen. I glanced at the shimmering ring on my finger. It suddenly felt so heavy, like a burden weighing me down. Thoughts raced through my brain at the possibilities and implications of those two words.
Chandler Street.
I kept hearing his emotionless voice repeat them over and over. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest and I felt like I was going to choke; my anxiety had instantly skyrocketed.
I tried to keep my focus on my breathing the entire twenty-minute ride. The car glided smoothly, the cars went by out the window, the buildings came into view, The Hancock was plainly dominating the Boston skyline—life had gone on for everyone here. But it hadn't for me, my entire world had halted, rotated and was now spinning on an entirely new axis. I'd gotten married to a man that consumed me, body and soul. I'd had the most beautiful few weeks of my life with him. And now I was heading back to my life before, apparently Carter had made the decision that it would be a life without him in it.
My body began to tremble uncontrollably and my breaths were shallow, my body spiraling into a full-blown panic attack. The Bentley turned onto my street and I watched the beautiful bright orange maple trees slide by, cars parked along the street, leaves swirling around the tires.
Parker pulled the car up outside my apartment and I immediately threw the door open and hunched over, taking deep breaths of cool New England air. I sucked in a few more and then heaved, losing the little I’d eaten that day on the sidewalk outside my townhouse. The anger burned hot in my stomach and tears stung my eyes. I tried to hold my long hair out of my face while I lost the contents of my stomach. I heaved until it felt like there was nothing left in my body and as I came back to reality I felt Carter's large palm caressing my back and holding my hair out of my face.
"Are you okay?" he murmured quietly. I nodded quickly and wiped my mouth. I stayed hunched over a few more moments wondering what to do, what to say. I took a few more calming breaths and suddenly I was thankful to be home. And all I really wanted to do was run up those stairs and throw myself into Cate's arms.
I stood slowly, making sure I had my balance. Parker had already brought my few bags up to my apartment. He nodded at me with a somber look on his face as he stepped out the door and headed for the front seat of the car. I steeled my jaw, the cold fresh air a relief to my aching lungs. I sniffed and then stepped away from Carter. I kept my back to him for a moment.
"Thank you… for everything." I pressed my lips together tightly and then strode toward the doorstep.
"Eva, wait." Carter's voice trailed after me softly. I kept walking.
"I’m sorry," I heard him whisper as I climbed the steps and slammed the door behind me.