Rapture and Lace(11)

"Anything." He reached for my hand under the water.

"Why did you and Madeleine break up?"

He assessed me quietly for a minute, probably to determine if this was still a sore subject for me.

"I was young. She was… demanding. We dated for a year and she had been hinting for a while that she wanted to take the next step. I think even then I knew I didn't love her, not really, but I knew I didn't want to lose her. So many people in my life, they're not real friends, not trustworthy, other than my family, I didn't let people in my inner circle, until Madeleine. So when she pushed I decided to settle. I thought it was better that than losing her."

"How long were you engaged?"

"Only a few months. She got worse; I think since she thought she'd gotten her way on marriage, she could demand other things. And I'm not really one to take orders." He shot me a half smile. "I quickly realized that I didn't love her, not really. So I broke it off." He shrugged.

"How did she take it?"

"Surprisingly well. I don't think she loved me either. She's with John now; I introduced you at the gala, he's much older, rich, and lets her do whatever she wants, I think she's happier that way."

"I saw the picture of your family in the office. They seem lovely."

"They are. They're great; the best thing that's ever happened to me, before a beautiful girl spilled champagne on my suit, anyway." He squeezed my hand with a smile. "They'll love you."

"Tell me about them." I took another sip of my wine.

"Derek, my brother, is hilarious. Wild and inappropriate, popular with the girls; sometimes raunchy, but never in a mean way. Emma is the sweetest. She's the youngest and full of life, she loves to shop, so you'll have that in common."

I rolled my eyes.

"I’ve told her about you. She can't wait to meet you."

My eyes widened in surprise.

"In fact she wanted us to come to my parents’ house this weekend, but then so much happened…" he trailed off. "Anyway, she wanted to know all about you. I never really talk about the women I date, much less bring them home to meet the family. She knows you're special." He gave me that delicious panty-melting grin.

"And my mom, Kara, she's amazing. She's warm and understanding, nurturing." He gazed off over the lights of the town and took a sip of his wine. He stared thoughtfully for a few moments and then started again. "When I was little, it was hard. For her the most. They weren't married, she was just out of high school. They had a summer fling and then I happened." He shrugged sadly. "So he just disappeared one night when I was a few months old. Things were already tough when he was around; he drank a lot, and couldn’t keep a steady job. He went out drinking with his friends one night and never came back." He finished softly.

"I’m sorry, Carter." I held his hand tightly under the warm water.

"So after a few days, once she realized he wasn't coming home, she moved back in with her parents. We lived there for a few years; she worked, but they were hard on her. They were disappointed. So she worked two jobs and finally saved enough to start a small catering business. It started to do well enough that she could move out. Her goal was to be self reliant, to get out from under the umbrella of my grandparents. She was determined to overcome the odds, and she did. She was miraculous. I grew up with her cooking and baking all hours of the day and night. It was great. Even then, when things were hard and the months she wasn't sure we could make rent, she had such high spirits. She was an inspiration—is an inspiration.

When I was five she met James while she was catering a party at the golf club. He instantly fell for her. And he took me in. He took me fishing, played softball with me; a year later they got married and a year after that Derek was born; Emma came another year later. James saved her; she was so great those years it was just the two of us, but I could tell she was sad. James is so good to her; he makes her happy." The corners of his mouth lifted in a sheepish smile.

"We struggled so much when I was little, I swore I would never be in that place again. That's why I'm a little on the controlling side. I refused to ever be faced with the possibility of not being able to afford food or a place to live. We didn't have to worry once my mom married James, but even then she still worked because she liked to." He paused for a moment and swirled the wine in his glass.

"The need to control, it just makes me feel better. When things are out of my control I live in a constant state of anxiety. When I was a kid I was plagued with this idea that I wasn't good enough for my dad to stay. I have this thing about the people I love leaving me…" He trailed off thoughtfully.