“Isn’t that the point?”
I try to make out his expression, but all I can see is shadows in the dashboard lights. “Can you just leave? Don’t they need you?”
“Daltrey would want me to take care of you. So just let me worry about that, okay?”
I know I should argue and tell him that I can take care of myself. But I really don’t know if I can. I haven’t felt like this in months, not since before Horizons. The way I’m feeling scares me. And there’s really nowhere else for me to run.
I leaned back into my seat. “Okay.”
We stop at a motel somewhere in Pennsylvania so Levi can get a few hours’ sleep. He books adjoining rooms and refuses to allow me to pay. “This is coming out of Ransom petty cash.” He grimaces. “It’s the least Daltrey can do for you.”
The rooms are simple and clean, though pretty outdated. I like knowing Levi’s right next door, but I don’t manage to sleep much at all. I dream about the reporters and the panic in my dad’s voice when he called.
We check out of the motel early, and Levi drives for the rest of the day, stopping only twice for gas and food. We don’t talk much as Pennsylvania turns into Ohio and eventually Michigan, rolling fields and suburbs slowly giving way to heavy forests.
Levi pulls off the freeway. After a few more turns, we’re on a back road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
He turns off the radio. “My family owns a little cabin on the shores of Lake Huron. It’s off in the woods. From the front door, you can barely see the foot of the driveway. The neighboring cabins aren’t close enough to be a problem.”
I start to tear up a little. “Thanks so much, Levi. I don’t know how—”
He holds up his hand. “Just listen. The cabin has no phone and no Internet, and getting a cell signal is pretty much impossible. There isn’t even a cable hookup. Basically, it’s the perfect place to hide.”
Hiding. That’s what I’m doing. I left my phone in the bathroom in New York. My dad has no idea where I am. I didn’t even tell the girls that I was leaving, though I bet Levi let them know.
Since we’d grabbed a fast-food dinner at our last stop for gas, we go straight bed when we arrive at the cabin. As Levi leads me to my room, I notice enough of my surroundings to assume that the cabin is pretty rustic and basically furnished. There’s a set of French doors leading from my room to a balcony, and I can hear the waves crashing distantly on the shore.
Levi pauses at my door as I move to take off my shoes. I have a feeling he wants to say something, but eventually, he sighs and simply tells me to sleep well.
I spend my second restless night in a row. Every time I wake up I feel a rush of panic, not knowing where I am. After several hours, I give up and climb out of bed. Moonlight peaks through the curtains, and I decide some fresh air would be nice.
The balcony is small, just big enough for a chair and side table. I lean against the railing for a moment, staring out into the night. Either my eyes are starting to adjust to the darkness, or it’s closer to dawn than I thought. I can now make out the rolling waves of the lake. Lake Huron is vast, a grey void that I can imagine disappearing in forever, slipping below the surface until I fade to nothingness.
You have to stop thinking like that. You can’t get to a headspace where nothingness seems like a potential alternative. You’ve come too far for that.
But have I really? I’m basically behaving exactly the way I did a year ago. Shit hits the fan and I run away. But what choice do I have? I couldn’t have stayed there. The band is way too visible, too many people watching them, following them, talking about them. And now those same people are talking about me.
I wonder where Daltrey is. Is he out of jail? Are they already on their way to the next city, the next show?
Beneath all the fear and anxiety, a deep ache has pulsed with every beat of my heart. I miss him, plain and simple. I was on the verge of finally having all my dreams come true, and it was all snatched away from me.
You didn’t have to leave. He went to jail for you. The least you could do is be there for him.
“I couldn’t,” I whisper, trying to silence the voice in my head. Daltrey would understand why I had to leave, wouldn’t he? But what if he doesn’t? What if he blames me?
I can’t worry about that right now. I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to do next.
I stare out at the water as the sun slowly peeks out from behind the waves, transforming the sky from steel grey to light pink. By the time I hear Levi stirring from within the house, I’m no closer to having any clue of how to fix this mess.