But even so, people assume. And those who know we aren’t dating always seem to think that I want to be with Daltrey. People like Joanie. The bitch dated him for three months our sophomore year and hated me every minute of it. She hated that he still hung out with me, that he talked to me, that I was close with his family. She could see, I was sure, the thing that Daltrey always missed when he looked at me, the feelings I kept just below the surface, that ones I tried so hard to cover and keep secret.
“I’ve been in love with him forever,” I say, my voice shaking slightly. I’ve never admitted that to anyone.
“Awww,” Paige says, holding her hands up to her face. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Even Karen is smiling a little dreamily. “So what’s the problem? Why don’t you just tell him?”
I’m shaking my head before she even finishes talking. “No, I can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Because things are way too complicated. What if he doesn’t want me? God, I just got him back. I don’t think I can deal with losing him all over again.”
“Why do you assume you’d lose him?” Paige asks. “I’m telling you, Daisy, it’s all over his face. The boy is crazy about you.”
“Yeah, don’t you think it’s a little weird we never hear about him linked with anyone?” Karen asks. “There are pictures all over the Internet of all three of his brothers with random chicks, not to mention what we’ve seen in the dressing room. Why hasn’t Daltrey been out man-whoring, huh?”
“Because he’s pining after you,” Paige finishes for her. “Obviously.”
I look down at the cuffs of my sleeves and sigh. “Even if that’s true, that still doesn’t mean that we’re right for each other.”
“What?” Karen asks, laughing. “Are you kidding me? You’re perfect together. Just tell him—”
“There are things he doesn’t know.” I look up and meet Paige’s eyes. “Things I haven’t told him.”
Her face softens. “You should tell him.”
I shake my head. “I can’t. I know I can’t.”
“What in the hell are you guys talking about?” Karen asks.
“Daisy went through some crap last year,” Paige says quickly.
I shake my head. “It’s okay.” I turn to Karen and tell her everything, about Joanie and the pictures and my selfish “solution” to the problem, about my time at Horizons and how I dropped out of school.
When I’m finished, she stands up, pulls up her sleeve, and thrusts her arm in front of my face.
“What?” I ask.
She points at a small white scar, high up by her elbow. It’s very thin and hardly visible. Now that she’s pointed it out, I notice more of them, at least a dozen.
“I used to cut myself,” she says. “I was really messed up back in high school. I was pissed at my parents, so I acted out by sleeping around. I felt bad about the sleeping around, so I cut myself. Oh, and I threw up ninety-five percent of what I ate.”
I stare up at her, unable to resolve the image she’s painted with the gorgeous, confident person standing in front of me.
“My point, Daisy, is that people have fucked-up stuff in their past. It doesn’t make them weak, and it doesn’t make them unlovable. The fact that you went through that and came out on the other side makes you strong. The opposite of weak.”
“She’s right,” Paige says.
“And if he disagrees,” Karen goes on, “then he was never worthy of being your friend in the first place, let alone worth giving your heart to.”
I smile up at her, my eyes watering. “You know, I always wondered what this would be like.”
“What?”
“Having girlfriends.”
She laughs and leans down to hug me. “You’ve got them now, lady.”
“You guys,” Paige cries, jumping up to join our hug. “You’ll make me cry.”
“Oh, like that would be any different than usual,” Karen scoffs.
I close my eyes, letting myself enjoy the moment without worry or anxiousness. Maybe Karen is right. Maybe everyone has messed-up stuff in their past. Maybe it doesn’t make me weak. Maybe the point is that I got through it.
And if getting through all of that made me stronger, maybe it also made me strong enough to finally put my heart on the line and tell Daltrey how I feel.
Chapter Twenty
Daisy
If I wasn’t already excited about our day out, Daltrey’s good mood certainly would have gotten me there. “You look like a kid on Christmas morning,” I say as I join him in the lobby. “Seriously, you have a goofy-ass grin on your face. Is my company that exciting?”