“I thought I saw you guys come this way,” Emma called, and Kirk immediately pulled his shirt back down. He kept facing away though. His heart was racing. He needed a second to compose himself.
Annabeth wasn’t sure she could talk. When she spun around, her face was drawn, her skin pale. Emma didn’t notice. “Oh my God, guess what?” She squealed, and for once, she didn’t stare daggers at Kirk.
Annabeth tried to smile but her mouth felt like she’d eaten a mound of sawdust.
Emma looked over her shoulder, towards a beaming A.J following her.
“What is it?” Annabeth finally found her vocal chords.
“We’re engaged!” Emma jumped up and down on the spot.
“Oh, guys, that’s great,” Annabeth said in a voice she hoped rang with enthusiasm. Though she was genuinely ecstatic for her best friend, her brain was obsessively focusing on what Kirk had just shown her. What he’d started to tell her.
“I know! I was so surprised! I just can’t believe it!”
Annabeth pulled them into an embrace. She’d never seen Emma so completely overjoyed.
“You’ll be my maid of honor, of course?”
“Of course,” Annabeth agreed without a moment’s thought.
“And can we borrow Wade as a Page Boy?”
“He’d be honored,” Annabeth said, a wink at A.J.
A.J’s chuckle was indulgent. “Lots of time to plan out the details, angel.”
“I know, I know! I’m just so excited!” Emma kissed A.J., and completely lost herself in the moment. Annabeth waited, but after a while, it became evident they’d forgotten she was there. Emma and A.J. were alone in the privacy of their love.
She turned around, to suggest she and Kirk find somewhere far more quiet to finish their conversation, but he was nowhere in sight. With a sinking heart, she said one last, whispered ‘congratulations’ to her in-love friends, and went in search of her ex-fiancé.
He was nowhere in sight. After almost half an hour of searching, she came to the conclusion that he must have left the festival.
“Damn it,” she muttered, frustration rushing through her. She had been so close to comprehending; to untangling the mess that ran between them. She closed her eyes and saw his back, and fear tore through her. “Shoot!” She ran back to the main stage, where A.J was about to start his performance. Emma was, of course, standing in the front row of the assembled crowd. “Me, can I borrow your truck?”
“Sure. I’ll get a lift with A.J.”
Emma didn’t even look at Annabeth as she handed the keys over. Her eyes were glued to the man on stage.
Annabeth ran from the festival, towards the dusty field that had been turned into a makeshift car park. She revved the engine and left the celebrations behind.
She had to see him.
She drove to La Cachette in record time. Everyone seemed to be at the show; the roads were deserted.
She cut the engine and stared up at the mansion. A solitary light beamed out to her. Kirk’s room.
Annabeth ran up the front porch and pushed in the door. “Kirk?”
He stood up from his bed, catching the ball he’d been pitching back and forth against the wall in one hand.
Of course she’d come to him. She wasn’t going to leave things as they were. Deep down, he’d known she wouldn’t be able to let it go.
He pulled his door open just as she appeared.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, God, did you think I wouldn’t come?” She pushed into his room, and stared at him.
“I saw your face, Annabeth. You’re disgusted.”
“Yes!” She agreed, walking back to him, and putting her arms around his waist. “Damned right I’m disgusted. I’m disgusted that you got hurt like that. I hate that it happened to you.” Tears stung in her pale blue eyes.
He disentangled her hands and moved away from her. “No. My back disgusted you.”
She frowned, wiping at her eyes. “No. That’s not true.”
“I saw your reaction.”
“I was shocked! You’re completely scarred. I felt sorry for you, not disgusted by you.”
“I don’t want your damn pity!” He yelled, his eyes like ice in his handsome face.
Color slashed her cheeks. “Well, you’ve got it.”
“No.” He looked away from her, his profile autocratic.
“Kirk, I don’t care what you look like.”
He swallowed past the emotions in his gut. “You don’t get it, Beth. This is as good as it will ever get. My back is the ‘after’ shot. That’s after years of skin grafts, specialists and reconstructive surgery. It will never look better than that. Do you get it? This is who I am now.”
“So?” She raked her eyes up his length, angry and confused. “You think that means I can’t love you? Please, Kirk, please don’t tell me that’s why you broke up with me.”
When he didn’t answer, her fury increased. She followed him across the room and lifted her hand. She slapped him hard across the cheek. “How dare you?” She shouted, her hair flying around her face as she glared up at him. “Do you really think I’m so shallow and vain that I’d only love you if you continued to look like this?” She nodded jerkily towards his front, his Adonis body and male model face. “I love you! I always have! I don’t care if you turn purple and all those muscles turn to pudge! I love you!”
He lifted a hand and rubbed his cheek, distractedly. “It’s not just about vanity.” And she could tell that he was back in the past, from the way his eyes stared straight ahead, without really seeing. “The bomb almost severed my spinal cord. I was told I’d never be able to walk again.” Beth gasped, and he flicked his hard eyes to hers. “Never be able to make love again.” He winced. “How could I ask you to honor an engagement you’d made to an able bodied man? How could I ask you to marry what I was going to become?”
She reached behind her for the bed, and collapsed down on to it. “It wouldn’t have mattered to me,” she insisted.
“Of course it would have. You fell in love with me, but what you loved died in that war.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s not true. I loved you, every part of you.”
He let out a sigh. “You can say that now. Now that I’m here like this, looking almost like my old self. But if you’d seen me then, you would have wanted to run a mile.”
“How can you think that? Do you really believe my love was so fleeting? So juvenile?”
“I know that I loved you enough to give you up, Annabeth. I made the choice for both of us, and it was the right choice.”
“No, it wasn’t.” She dipped her head into her hands. “I understand why you thought you were doing the right thing. But you should have trusted me more.” She lifted her face and lanced him with her accusing gaze. “I considered us as good as married. For better or for worse. That was your worse, and you didn’t even give me the chance to stand by you.”
“I thought it would ruin your life.” He said cautiously. “I thought I was the only one suffering. I believed that you would carry on with your studies. Meet someone else. Marry someone else.” He closed his eyes, shielding himself from her penetrating stare. “I had no idea about Wade.”
“I know that.” She shook her head. “What a freaking mess.”
He stayed silent, staring at her, wanting her, loving her, knowing their story was too messed up to move past.
“Why did you come to Clearview?” She asked, her blue eyes thoughtful.
He came and sat beside her on the edge of his bed. He didn’t touch her, but he was so close she could feel his warmth. “I broke up with you when I thought I’d never walk again. I told myself I wouldn’t ask for you to take me back unless I was able to stand on my own two feet.” His voice was gravelly. “It took almost four years. Four years of rehab and operations. It was the most intense pain of my life, and the only thing that kept me going was the hope that maybe, just maybe, you would love me again.”
“What if I’d met someone else?” She asked, breathlessly, because it was all too much to compute.
He shrugged. “I would have left you alone. All I wanted – all I’ve ever wanted – is your happiness.”
Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. “So you came to Clearview looking for me?”
“Actually, I came looking for Horace.” He smiled at her, slowly, his eyes were a storm of feeling. “I wanted to ask his permission to propose again. I needed to explain myself to the other man in your life.”
She shook her head slowly from side to side. “Why didn’t you just tell me all this the first night we met.”
He sobered instantly. “Because you’d dropped out of school, and ended up working in your dad’s bar. Don’t you get it? I had risked everything in the belief that you’d be better off without me. That was the first time it occurred to me that your life hadn’t been smooth sailing.” He couldn’t help himself. He reached over and pulled her to him, holding her tight against his chest. “Plus, you kinda seemed to hate me.”
She let out a sad sound, a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I hated that you left me,” she whispered against his shirt. “I was so scared and completely alone. I didn’t tell anyone except Emma that you were the father. I came back to Clearview and let everyone think I’d had a one night stand at College. It was… not easy.”