Raising the Soldier's Son(21)
Her voice cracked with a weight of sadness. “Why didn’t you read my letters, Kirk?”
He paused a beat. “Honestly?” He looked down at her and felt the familiar lurch in his stomach. “I knew I’d change my mind.”
She frowned. “About us?”
He nodded.
“And that would have been bad thing?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, remembering the moment when he’d been informed, for the first time, that his body would never work again. The moment he’d realized he’d just be a burden to Beth; beautiful, young, energetic, loving Beth, who’d fallen in love with the high school sports star. No way could he let her end up with a husband in a wheelchair.
“Why? What am I missing?”
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything. But it was such a long story, he didn’t know where to start. And once he’d told her, then what? Would she still love him out of a misplaced sense of duty? He stifled a groan. “War changes people. In ways you can’t imagine.”
“So make me understand,” she pleaded, squeezing his leg.
“Why? So you can feel sorry for me?” He had made sure to sound light hearted, but inside, he was filled with self-derision. It was exactly what he’d wanted to avoid. He couldn’t see pity in her eyes. Once upon a time, she’d looked at him as though he was the man who could save the world from disaster. She had thought him strong and fearless and powerful. No way could he have her look at him now and see the extent to which he was weary and broken.
“No. I don’t know. Would I feel sorry for you?”
He slanted her a thoughtful look. “You’d feel sorry for anyone and anything, Beth. Your heart’s too soft.”
She leaned back in the vinyl bench seat and stared down at the revelers far beneath them. He was wrong. Her heart was only soft for Kirk. She’d always been a sucker for him. She was now, just as much as ever.
“I’m glad you’re staying around. For Wade’s sake.”
He didn’t meet her eyes. “Me too.”
As the Ferris wheel continued upwards, lifting them almost to the top of the circular ride, she remembered something. “Don’t you have a wedding to go to tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Rosie wouldn’t have missed this for the world though.”
“She came here the night before her wedding?”
“Yeah. She and Cam aren’t really traditional. She said she’d rather spend the night before their wedding dancing with the man she loved than getting girly pedicures and shit.”
Beth rolled her eyes at Kirk’s expression, but then, she laughed. “I think she sounds like a smart girl.”
“Yeah, she’s a catch.”
“How’d they meet?” She was glad to be talking about something easier. Safer ground than their pot-holed past.
“Work. Cam’s my CFO and Rosie was one of our architects. They butted heads, in a big way, over the cost of a project we’re doing in Seattle. Sorting it out involved a lot of weekend trips and apparently, somewhere between budget meetings and planning sessions, they realized the reason they were fighting so much was because they were in love.” He shrugged off the overly-sentimental story. “He’s happy.”
“Yeah, he seems it.” She’d only met Cam a handful of times. He’d been a serious, study-focused person in the past. If he’d met someone who could make him relax and enjoy life, then she was happy for him.
“Everything all sorted for the wedding?”
Kirk laughed. “The Navy could learn a thing or two from Rosie’s military precision. You should see the checklist I’ve been given. I’m pretty sure every minute of my day is accounted for tomorrow, from sun up onwards.”
“Sounds like fun,” Annabeth teased, bumping her shoulder to his.
“You should come.” He blurted the words out, and even as he said them, he wondered what the heck had come over him.
“Oh.” Fear grabbed at her heart; panic, too. She shook her head. “Thanks, but it’s not really my place.”
She swallowed and looked away. She didn’t belong at a family wedding. Not with Kirk. She was just some girl he used to know. Some girl he’d got pregnant and forgotten about.
The Ferris wheel spun downwards, bringing them back to earth. As they got close to the starting point, she stuck her hand out and waved, to get Muddy’s attention. Just about everyone from the town had been pressed into service in some way or another. Muddy was helping with the rides. “Hey! Can you let me off?”
“Sure thing!” He called, giving two pudgy thumbs up in further recognition.
“Hey, Beth, did I say something…?”
When Beth looked at him, all of the grief she felt was on her face. “I don’t know what to do, Kirk.” It was a whisper. “I want you in Wade’s life. I really do. But I can’t have you in mine without feeling… confused as hell.”
He nodded, completely understanding what she felt.
“It kills me that I don’t belong at a family wedding. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I’ve ever made love to. We have a child together. But I’m nothing to you now.”
“Hey,” he put his hands on her face, stroking her cheeks. “Not nothing.” She was everything, but how did he even start to explain that? That she meant so much to him he’d stayed away for her sake?
“Forget about it,” she said, her voice shaking.
“No, I don’t want to. I just need… hell. I don’t know. Come to the damned wedding, Beth. You belong there. You belong with me.”
Hope inside of her was quickly extinguished. She hadn’t wanted him to stay with her just because of a child, and she didn’t want him inviting her places out of pity.
“Here you go,” Muddy said, opening the slide gate.
Gratefully, Annabeth pushed out, bursting back into the crowd in the hope of getting some space from Kirk.
He caught her easily. “Hey, don’t run out on me.”
“What choice do I have?” She yelled, feeling like her heart was breaking into a thousand new pieces.
Choice. Life was all about choices, and in that moment, staring down at Beth’s beautiful, anguished face, he made his.
“Come with me. I need to show you something.”
CHAPTER TEN
“What is it?” She asked breathlessly, as he pulled her behind him, away from the crowds. There was a wall of tents, with fairy lights strung between. He ducked between a row. They were alone. In the midst of all the madness, it was just the two of them. Somewhere out there, the carnival atmosphere continued, the noise swirled, the lights flashed, and people laughed. But in the darkened alley he’d pulled her into, the world had ceased moving.
“What is it?” She repeated, curiosity taking over every inch of her body and soul.
His voice was made rough by emotion. “There was never anyone else, Beth,” he said urgently, releasing her hand and staring down at her.
Confusion swamped her. “What… what do you mean?”
“I lied.”
“Why? Why did you break up with me then?”
He heaved out a ragged breath. “You know what I trained in, right?”
She shuddered. “Yes. Bomb disposal.”
“Well, yeah. Explosive Ordnance Disposal Tech. But same thing. Bomb disposal.” He furrowed his brow, choosing his words wisely. “I had a knack for it, Annabeth. Still do. I run training in Annapolis once a month.”
“I thought you discharged?”
He nodded. “From service, yes. My role now is academic.”
“You always wanted to be in the Navy.”
It was the only thing he had loved as much as Annabeth. “Yeah, well, shit happens.”
“What happened?” She demanded, not going to be put off by his vague rhetoric.
“I’m getting to it,” he promised. He put his hands on his hips and stared up at the starlit sky.
Annabeth waited, trying to be patient, but she had to strangest sense of certainty that she was about to get the missing piece of the puzzle.
“They called me Killswitch, because I never met a bomb I couldn’t undo.” His smile was pained. “Until that last time.”
His eyes locked on hers, and she saw a glimpse of how tormented his soul was.
“Kirk?” She whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm. “What last time?”
“If I’d had another minute,” he spoke quietly, staring into her eyes without seeing her. “But the bomb was at an airport. We had to go through every suitcase, every wall; it was a nightmare. Just me and a few other guys.”
“What happened?” Her heart flipped over in her chest.
Kirk took a step backwards and lifted his shirt, pulling it over his head.
His chest was just a wall of ridged abdominals. Perfect enough to take her breath away. Slowly, hesitantly, he began to turn around.
She only caught a glimpse of his scarred, reddened back before Emma burst through the same gap in the wall of tents that they’d walked through moments earlier. But what she saw made her gasp in horrified response.
Kirk’s skin, so golden and caramel, was hideously marked. All down his back, there were scars and twists, tears in the fabric of his body. Tears sprung to her eyes.