CHAPTER NINE
“He’s been back such a short time, and already I can’t imagine living without him. Am I crazy?” She pleaded to Emma over a pitcher of beer. The plastic cups were small, so they were on their third each.
Emma rolled her eyes impatiently. “Yes. You’ve lived without him before. You can do it again. You’ll probably have to do it again.”
“I mean it,” Annabeth complained with a shake of her head. Her long blonde hair, worn loose down her back, fluffed around her pretty face. “I was happy. I had finally got to a place where I didn’t think about him every day.”
Emma’s disapproval was expressed in every taut line of her body. “Kirk’s a jerk, babe. You know that he’s just going to get you hooked, then up and leave again.”
“No,” Annabeth had to yell to be heard above the music, and the dancing. “I think this time he’s setting up shop for good. You should see him and Wade together. They’re so alike, it breaks my heart.”
“Being good with Wade doesn’t mean he’s good for you. Mark my words, Beth, he’ll break your heart if you let him.”
Emma’s opinion was firm. It wasn’t until she kept voicing it over and over again that Annabeth realized how much she was hoping for something else from her best friend. Tacit approval. A wink of forgiveness for Kirk’s past misdeeds.
Anything that would allow her to think her desire for him was normal, and reasonable, rather than a force of nature too great to resist, and too crazy to obey.
“Hey!” Emma stuck her hand in the air and waved it around excitedly. The sequence of bangles she wore jingled and jangled against her slender arms.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” A.J’s unmistakable drawl arrived just as he did. He wrapped his arms around Emma’s waist and lifted her clear off the ground. He was the perfect picture of a country singer, with his black jeans, button down shirt and Stetson hat. “I’ve been all over the fair, you two are the prettiest girls here by far. Can I buy you dinner?”
Annabeth looked from A.J to Emma and winked. “Nah, y’all go ahead. I get the feeling I’d be a third wheel.”
Emma started to deny it but A.J’s broad smile was all the confirmation Annabeth needed. “I’ll meet you back here before A.J goes on.”
She didn’t wait for Emma’s response. The crowd was practically heaving; it felt like the whole town had shown up, and dragged six cousins each for good measure. The festival was one of the best nights of the year. When she’d been a little girl, Horace had brought her along, and she’d danced with him all night, standing on his feet and absorbing by osmosis the culture of this small town by the sea. Eventually, she’d fallen asleep and he’d carried her on his shoulder while he chatted to the locals and caught up on business. The festival had grown with Annabeth. Now, it was no longer a small, local affair. She looked at the fairground section – with the Ferris wheel and other carnival rides, and smiled nostalgically.
“How long’s it been since you’ve gone on one of those?”
She almost jumped out of her skin when Kirk whispered into her ear from behind.
“Kirk?” She spun around, her heart jackhammering in her chest as she stared at his square, stubble-roughened jaw.
“Come on. Have a ride with me.” He ran his hand down one of her bare arms, and took her hand in his. A thousand nerve endings quivered with pleasure at the simplest of touches.
“I…” she traced her lower lip with her tongue. For once, she wished her brain would take charge of her behavior. But her body, her desperate, hungry, needy body, fuelled by beer and sexual thirst, was leaning towards him.
He groaned, as, in the middle of a hectic crowd, he pressed a single, soft kiss against her hair. “Come on, Beth. Just for tonight, don’t argue with me over everything.”
Annabeth felt like she was standing on a precipice. She could take a step back, and stay on flat, safe, boring land. Or she could leap off without looking, and know what it felt like to fly through the air.
She’d played it safe for years.
She nodded. “Okay. But only if I can buy the tickets.”
He laughed with genuine pleasure and hooked his arm around her waist. “Lead the way, darling’.”
She weaved through the crowd slowly. She was in no rush. The sky was heavy with stars, the music pumping, the town was fat with cheer and happiness, and it was contagious. Annabeth smiled shyly at Kirk, the man who had always held her heart firmly in his large, confident hands.
“Tell me about your book,” he said quietly, keeping her close enough so that she could easily hear him.
And she did. She was ordinarily circumspect about her work. It was a very private thing to Annabeth Sparks, writing, but with Kirk, she felt like she could tell him, and he’d understand. As they waited in line, in no hurry to snake forward, she described the intricate plot. He asked enough questions to show that he was listening, and not so many as to be annoying.
By the time they’d reached the top of the queue and stepped into a car of the Ferris wheel, she realized she’d been talking so long that she’d let him buy the tickets.
“Hey!” She playfully slapped his leg as the ride lurched forward, just far enough to load another passenger. “I meant to get those.”
He slanted her a teasing look. “You can get them next time.” Deliberately, he lowered his gaze to the pulse point that was beating like a trapped butterfly beneath the fragile skin of her neck. “Or pay me back using whatever means are at your disposal.”
Her eyes were heavy, her heart racing, her lips parted. She shifted in the seat, so that she was facing him more fully, but in doing so, she brought her legs into complete contact with him.
“They were two bucks apiece?” She asked breathily, wanting him to kiss her more than anything in the world.
He furrowed his brow. “I wasn’t serious. About wanting you to pay me back.”
Her smile was slow and heavy with suggestion. “I know.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out ten dollars. She handed it to him.
“Now I owe you,” he said thoughtfully.
“Exactly.” She nodded. It was the worst possible idea. Wasn’t it? Possibly. But she couldn’t stop herself from wanting him. Wade was safely at home with Cassandra, and Kirk was here, now, locked in a private car on the Ferris wheel, zooming towards the stars and heaven with her, and only her.
She sighed into the balmy summer’s night. She needed him to kiss her with every single cell in her body.
“I must have some loose change somewhere,” he murmured, leaning imperceptibly closer.
“Nope. Money won’t cut it.”
Kirk sighed, pulling her against him. But it was a hug. A bear hug. A friendly grip, rather than the passionate kiss she desperately wanted. Only the hard and fast beating of his heart beneath her gave any sign that he was as moved as she.
“Beth, you’re the one who said we can’t do that anymore. And you’re right.” He couldn’t believe he was hearing the words coming out of his mouth. “It’s too complicated.”
Disappointment seared her soul as though she’d been burned.
She nodded jerkily, glad he couldn’t see her face. “You’re right,” she whispered. “You’re not just someone I can have uncomplicated sex with. Guilt-free kisses on the Ferris wheel. That was stupid of me.”
“No,” he shook his head, pressing another kiss against her hair. “Not stupid. This feels like the most natural thing in the world, and if there was no Wade, then maybe you and I would be able to work through the past.” He thought of his own backlog of secrets and lies, the truth of who he had become, and all that he hadn’t told her, and he shut down his heart.
“But there is a Wade.”
“Right. And we can’t get him caught in the middle of something while we work out what the hell we want.”
“I know, I know.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. But she knew what she wanted. She wanted her life back, and her life was nothing without Kirk in it. The last five years, she’d done her best to build a meaningful, satisfying existence, and for the most part, she’d succeeded. On paper, she had everything she could ever want. A great group of friends in a lovely community, a relationship with her dad that was better than ever, and a beautiful boy who was healthy and clever and loved her to bits. But Kirk was the cherry on top, and finally, she understood that.
“I heard a rumor you’re staying in town a while,” she said, fingering a small tear on the knee of his jeans.
His stare was direct. “You heard right.”
Hope raced inside of her. Surely he wouldn’t stay in town unless he wanted her, too?
“I plan on being in Wade’s life, Beth. I’ve already missed so much.”
She looked away. Wade. Of course he wanted to be a part of their son’s life. That had nothing to do with her.
And she was selfish to be thinking only about her body’s hunger for this man instead of the life they’d created. “What do you want to know?”
He frowned, stroking her gently as he thought about it. “Everything.” His smile was sardonic. “I wish I’d known. I’m so sorry, Beth.”