Rain Shadow(35)

Then he could think about Helena McLaury again. Somehow, the thought held even less appeal than before.

"Okay," he said out loud. But be careful. You know what she does to you.  You know how you react when you get close to her. You don't need the  trouble. "I'll be careful," he promised the moon.

* * *

Rain Shadow glanced at Anton beside her atop his bay. Her husband. Just  like the couples in the wagon behind them, they were man and wife-united  by the white man's Justice of the Peace, a legal document signed and  folded and tucked into Anton's vest pocket.

The first of December was as good as any day for a wedding, she guessed.  A few snowflakes fell as she and Anton rode home from Butler on  horseback. Rain Shadow huddled inside her Hudson Bay blanket coat, a  gift from Will the winter before. On the crisp air, voices lifted in  song. Songs of shepherds and the Christ child, the Neubauer men's  resonant voices joining their wives', Lydia's spine- tingling soprano  carrying the highest notes when the others backed off.

Anton had explained the plan to his family, and they'd gone along with  the theatrics as if they were real. Once the justice had pronounced them  man and wife, Anton had laid his cheek alongside hers, as if some  gesture was expected of him. Her temporary in-laws had embraced her as  though she were really one of the family, Two Feathers merely nodding  sagely.

What was Anton thinking now? Feeling?

What should a man feel on his wedding day? Anton avoided her eyes,  squinting instead at the low-hanging gray sky. How had he felt after  marrying Emily? Eager. Proud. Hopeful, no doubt. How different the  emotions beneath the calm exterior he presented today were. Rash.  Unsure. Cheated.                       
       
           



       

What should a woman feel on her wedding day? Rain Shadow imagined  Annette and Lydia's joy at marrying the men they loved. There was  nothing joyful about her union     with Anton, and she'd been numb since  she'd made the decision, going through the motions without feeling  anything.

Locked in. Guilty. Lonely. Heavyheartedness descended on her, as  oppressive as the storm clouds gathering overhead. She observed the  boys, knowing they were the most vulnerable characters in this charade.  Even though she had explained the situation to them more than once, they  smiled as smugly as if they'd thought of the plan themselves and hoped  they could remain brothers.

She didn't want to be another dark cloud over their heads, but she  resigned herself to reminding the children constantly. As soon as the  situation cleared, she and Slade would move on. They all had their own  lives to lead. The Neubauers had been kind enough to care for Slade,  even to the extreme of carrying out this hoax for his protection, but  she couldn't expect them to be patient and generous forever.

Once at the homestead, the women set out a meal, and Rain Shadow  naturally discovered her place at Anton's side. She ate beside him,  feeling like an impostor. By the time she'd helped clear and wash the  dishes, the men had a fire blazing in the parlor, popcorn popped and the  checkers out. Jakob played his fiddle, and even Rain Shadow was drawn  into a dance around the room.

The night drew to a close, the children growing sleepy. Jakob and Franz bundled their families off into the darkness.

"We have a surprise for you," Johann announced, turning into the parlor.

Anton glanced up from the sofa where he sat finger-combing Nikky's hair.  His son laid contentedly, head on Anton's thigh. "What is it?"

"You'll have to come out back with us," Anton's father said with a sly grin.

"Tonight?"

"Yep."

Immediately, Nikolaus and Slade were wide awake, eagerly bringing their parents' coats and hats and donning their own.

Rain Shadow pulled her collar over her chin and followed. They veered  east of the barn and stopped before the cabin she'd seen and believed  their fathers were using.

Johann pushed the door open and carried the lantern in, the others  following. Placing the light on a trestle table, he lit another lamp,  revealing the interior. The immaculately clean cabin was roomy,  furnished with old but sturdy tables and chairs. A stove and cabinet  identified the cooking area, rocking chairs and oval braided rugs  offering a place of comfort near the fireplace.

Rain Shadow studied her surroundings with surprise. "Whose home is this?"

Anton's boots rapped on the stone hearth. "This is the place my  grandfather built when they first got the farm. Pa was born in there."

Rain Shadow stepped through the bedroom doorway. An enormous rope bed  stood in the center of the room, a colorful quilt spread across its  foot.

"Do you like it, Ma?" Slade asked, tugging at her wrist.

"Of course. It's very nice. Seems so warm and comfortable." She could  picture Anton's grandmother moving about these rooms, cooking over the  fire and setting meals on the table. "No wonder Grampa and Johann have  spent so much time out here." She smiled.

"It's for us, Ma," Slade said enthusiastically. "Ain't it somethin'?"

She stared at her son without comprehension.

"We fixed it up for you," Johann explained. "There's more to do, but we  figured you could do the rest yourself. Make it seem more like home,  that way. There's dishes in the attic back at the house." His desire to  please her was evident in the uncertain smile he offered. She stared  into faded blue eyes. He looked endearingly like Anton, stooped only  slightly with age.

She shot Two Feathers a glance, but he'd drawn a mask over his chiseled  Lakota features. He stared calmly, waiting for her reaction. Everyone  waited, she realized.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"We can stay here," Nikky supplied. "You'n Slade and me'n Pa. Won't it  be great?" He yanked his coat and hat off excitedly. "C'mon, Slade,  let's go get our beds ready! Oh, yeah." He retrieved his coat and hung  it on a peg near the door.                       
       
           



       

Slade followed his example, forgetting the crutch in his enthusiasm. They ran to a ladder leading to the loft above.

"Slade, your leg!" Rain Shadow exclaimed.

"It's okay, Ma. I've been practicing. I can get up and down without no trouble." They scampered up and over the edge.

She stared after them. They'd planned for her to stay out here in this cabin with Anton?

"Without any trouble," she corrected distractedly, and slid her confused gaze toward her-husband.

As if as surprised as she, Anton gave a nearly imperceptible shrug.

Do something, she pleaded with her eyes.

I can't hurt their feelings, his baffled gaze seemed to reply.

"I know how uncomfortable you are in the house," Johann supplied. "We  thought this would be the best thing. You're not out in the weather, but  it's not the big house, either."

He considered exposure to Miguel more dangerous than the weather, and  she had been obstinate about leaving her lodge. "And you, Father?" she  asked. "Will you stay here with us?"

Two Feathers glanced toward the hearth. "My bones have taken a liking to  the feather bed, daughter. Winter nights are longer and colder than I  remember."

She had talked him out of their lodge for safety, and she could hardly  ask him to sleep in the loft with the boys or lie on the stone hearth  because she didn't trust herself alone with Anton. She nodded, and gave  him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Overhead came thumps and muffled laughter-the sounds of brothers  tussling before bed. Exactly what she'd feared all along. How long would  this arrangement last? Until Miguel lost interest. Any length of time  was unhealthy for her mental state.

Rain Shadow watched their fathers pull the solid door shut behind them.  She felt as if she were about to participate in her most difficult  competition ever. Everything she held dear rode on the outcome, and yet  somehow, some way, losing would be winning. Her heart fluttered beneath  her shirt. She steeled her wayward thoughts and her traitorous body.

She couldn't afford to leave any part of herself behind. Not her goal,  not her independence, and least of all, not her heart. But this  man-whose muscles in his broad back flexed and bunched as he knelt and  fed logs to the fire-this husband-wouldn't have to take a thing. She  feared she'd give him anything he wanted.





Chapter Twelve




"Would you like some coffee?" Anton extended a cup toward her.

Rain Shadow accepted the steaming mug and perched on a bench at the  trestle table. She'd finished putting some of her clothing away, and  overhead the boys had finally quieted. Her gaze collided with his, and  she forced herself to look at her fingers on the cup.

"I found blankets in the trunk," he said finally. "I'll make a place by the fire."