We started moving again, only pausing to search with the flashlights, or when the loud crash of thunder startled us. The rain wasn’t as bad as we walked under the trees, but the wind was wreaking havoc on anything dead in the forest. All around us we could hear limbs breaking and falling to the ground. Without being able to see our surroundings, it was impossible to know whether a limb was going to come tumbling down on top of us, or even a whole tree.
I didn’t want to admit how scared I was, because that meant that my child had to be even more petrified. I thought about the day he came into our life and that first initial moment when I considered not being able to be his mother. Guilt washed over me as I began to wonder if choosing to raise him had caused this chain of events. Was I the reason that those two children were out there somewhere, alone, in the dark?
All I ever wanted was to be a parent and Noah had given me that, how could I have let him out of my sight tonight? How could I have let this happen?
This time I was the one crying. Miranda stopped and started to hug me. “I’m sorry for freaking out. We have to keep moving.”
“What if we don’t find them? What if Colt never forgives me for showing Noah how to ride? My God, I would never be able to even forgive myself. Miranda, what have I done?”
Miranda stood there in the pitch black with me. She didn’t respond to me at first, causing me to cry harder. “This isn’t your fault. One of us should have seen or heard them. We should have known they were up to no good. You can’t blame yourself for this Van. Colt would never want you to do that.”
I squatted down, holding my belly, and feeling the baby inside of me moving around. “I don’t know what to do. After everything I have been through, this has to be the worst. My baby that I lost was hard to deal with but, but Noah is real, he is here with me every single day, loving me and calling me Mommy. It is my job to protect him. My little boy is out there somewhere and I don’t know what to do to bring him home, to bring them both home.”
Miranda grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. “You have got to calm down, Van. We aren’t goin’ to find them if we stay here. Noah is a smart kid and if he is anything like his father, he is somewhere safe. Colt has taken him huntin’. He has to know of places to go.” Miranda suddenly froze. Her eyes got real big and she grabbed my hand and started pulling me along, without giving me an explanation.
“What is it? Why are you pulling me?”
“I think I know where they might be.” She kept going without turning around.
“What do you mean? Where?”
“Keep moving and I will explain” Miranda’s slippery hands were doing a good job holding onto mine. We each had a flashlight and shined them in front of where we were walking. The ground was slippery and quite a few times both of us slipped on wet tree limbs on the ground.
“When we were kids, we used to go out to this old rope swing and swim in the lake. On the way there sits a bunch of little clusters of rocks and a large stream. Some of those clusters are actually like mini caves. They are only about four feet deep and not closed off from the elements, but they will keep you dry.”
“Why do you think they could be there? How far is it away?” We kept walking even though my body was exhausted. I refused to tell Miranda to stop going. We needed to find the kids. I wasn’t going to rest until we did.
“I don’t know for sure, but they would be scared and want to hide somewhere dry. It is the only place I know of. Even if they aren’t there, we can call the guys and have them pick us up.”
“How do you even know we are headed in the right direction? It is pitch black out here?”
Miranda stopped walking and bent over to catch her breath. I held on to my tummy and waited for her to answer me. “We passed this tree we used to carve our names on a ways back. We crossed over the trail we used to ride our four wheelers on. The lake is up ahead. I’m not sure what part we will come out at, but I will be able to find the little hole they may be hiding in.”
I stood up and got a few more deep breaths in before we started treading through the slippery woods again.
Miranda had been right. Within five minutes we came out to an opening. When the lightning struck across the dark sky, I could see the reflection of it in the water in front of us. Miranda pulled me along the water’s edge and began calling out for the kids again. She pulled out her phone and started dialing on it before holding it up to her ear. “Babe, it’s me. You and Colt need to meet us at the water…..I don’t care Ty, we couldn’t just sit there waiting it out. Yes, she is fine. No, we haven’t found them yet. Yes. Okay. See you in a sec.”