Raging Love(55)

I kissed her cheek and then pulled her head closer to kiss her lips. “Maybe she could keep him every weekend.”

We both laughed.

“Are you happy Colt? Are you upset things changed between us? I mean, not just with Noah. With the baby we lost too.”

She turned her body to face me and I cupped my hands around her face, letting my forehead press against hers. “Darlin’ I couldn’t be more happier than I am right now, aside from havin’ another child, there is nothin’ else I could ever need. You have no idea how much I appreciate you bein’ that boy’s mother. Steppin’ up like that made me love you even more Savanna.”

It was the truth too. She didn’t even realize how amazing she was.

“When he came into our lives so suddenly, I was so unsure of myself. I think I was afraid to love another child, but I fell so in love with him. I couldn’t help it. Now, I can’t imagine not being his mother. He makes me so happy.”

Her words were beautiful and she meant every single word. She had been there when he got his first cold after he had moved in with us. I was all panicking and she instinctively knew exactly what to do. She stayed in his room with him, went out and got him a vaporizer, took him to the doctors, made sure he took his medicine right on schedule. She went into this Mom machine mode and in some ways never came out of it. Noah was always her first priority and I loved that about her.

“You make him happy. That kid lost everything and you welcomed him into our family, makin’ it so easy for him to transition. You keep the memory of his mother alive and have never been negative towards the whole situation. Do you have any idea how amazin’ you are?”

She shrugged. “It never hurts to hear it over and over again,” she teased.

“Well if I need to remind you every single day, I will.”

She wrapped both of her legs over top of mine, almost straddling me. Her head went into my chest. “What happens if we can’t get pregnant again? What if I can’t give you another child?”

“I have to believe that God won’t do that to us. Darlin’ you have been through so much hardship. You have proven to be an amazin’ mother. We will have another baby. It may take a while, but I’m never goin’ to go anywhere. If it doesn’t happen than we will spoil the hell out of our son and be the best parents to him that we can be. Don’t even get yourself worried about that.”

“I would never want to replace Noah, but I just want to be able to give you a child too. I want Noah to have a brother or sister one day. I dream about him talking to my belly. It’s beautiful Colt.”

Her words were so sincere. I wished I could have told her without a doubt that we were going to have more children, but the truth was we just didn’t know.

“Let’s take our life day by day Savanna. Maybe if we don’t think about it so much good things will happen.”

We laid there together in front of the fire until I carried Savanna’s sleeping body to bed.

Since Savanna always was the one to take care of our family, I woke up early and made her breakfast. After we ate, we spent the morning in the Jacuzzi tub. We had connected on a deeper level than ever before and I felt so close to her.

We finally left the cabin to explore the lake. I rowed a tiny boat out to the middle of the lake and we had lunch out there all alone. Savanna seemed so relaxed and I could tell she was really enjoying our time away. I couldn’t help but miss Noah. For months we had spent every single minute with him. It was hard to not look over my shoulder for him every once in a while.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked.

“I kinda miss Noah, I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m havin’ a great weekend bein’ here alone with my wife, but I can’t stop thinkin’ about him.”

She started laughing and shook her head.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s just funny, because I feel the same way. I feel lost without him.”

“Well, we can see him tomorrow. It isn’t like we are away for a whole week.” I explained.

“Or, we can go home tonight and surprise him.”

I wondered if she was joking until I saw the excitement in her eyes. “You seriously would rather go home than spend one more night alone with me?”

She climbed toward me, causing the boat to rock. “I would love to spend one more night with you, but I also wouldn’t mind going home to be with Noah.”

She climbed on my lap, giving me kisses slowly all over my face. “If you keep kissin’ me, I won’t be able to make a rational decision.”

As much as we missed Noah, Savanna and I decided to stay one more night at the cabin. We owed it to ourselves to enjoy our weekend away together. Although, when Sunday came we packed up the car and headed home. I guess we expected Noah to be all bent out of shape over us leaving. Instead, he was too preoccupied by a remote control plane my mother had purchased him. He and Conner were too busy flying it to even notice us pull up to see him.