Raging Love(44)

I was in the hospital for nine days. I had a broken jaw, a busted ear drum, two broken ribs and had lost our baby. To make matters worse, they had to surgically go in and remove the deceased baby from my body. They said I went into shock, but I couldn’t remember anything after the ambulance.

A psychiatrist came in every day and sat with me, trying to console me and get me to be okay with everything that happened. Of course they insisted I was already having PTSD and that I needed to be on a medication regiment until they knew for sure I had recovered fully from what had happened to me.

Tucker had died from blunt force trauma to the head. I was never charged on account of it being ruled out self defense. They never caught the other two people and they didn’t have enough evidence to convict his mother of being in on the crime. With Tucker Chase dead our family knew that we wouldn’t be bothered anymore.

Our family was not sad to hear of his demise and I did know that someone like him didn’t deserve to be alive, but it still didn’t help with the repeated nightmares of me killing him. I couldn’t shake what I had done, not even with my therapists help.

For three weeks I stayed in my bed at the house. Colt flew my mother in to Kentucky and she stayed with me for two weeks. I barely ate and I never came out of my room. Colt tried to comfort me, but in my eyes I had taken his heart and ripped it to shreds. I couldn’t tell him the truth about what I had done. If he ever found out that everything was my fault, he would never be able to look at me, and especially be with me again.

Our sex life was non-existent, in fact, after several attempts, Colt had stopped trying to touch me. I read all kinds of books about self help and losing children, but nothing filled the void of feeling my baby growing inside of me.

After two months, I started to come out of the bedroom. I missed Colt and even though I had this huge secret, I knew he was all I had left. The doctors said that the miscarriage had left a bunch of scar tissue and being able to conceive naturally could be even more difficult than it was before. With all hopes of getting pregnant again almost gone, Colt did his best to coax me into our old life again.

It took about a week for me to get back into my normal routine. I never went anywhere besides the ranch, but my therapist insisted it was a good start. Lucy would get my groceries and run errands in town so I wouldn’t have to. Colt spent more time working from his home office and when he didn’t he still came home for lunch and was always home in time for dinner. We still ate in silence, but we were together, taking baby steps to get back to how things used to be.

One morning I woke up feeling like I was at peace for some reason. Colt was still asleep next me and I reached over to kiss him. His lips brushed over mine and he woke up and wrapped his arms around me. It was the first time that I had wanted him since my accident. He slipped the nightgown down off of my shoulders and kissed me gently on my neck. “I miss you so much, Darlin’.”

“Make love to me Colt.”

He gently pushed my head down on the pillow and slipped the nightgown down off of my waist and then my feet. He removed my panties and ran his hands down my naked body. “Are you sure?”

“Please.”

It was more like I was begging him to touch me, like I needed to feel him as close as he could get. I didn’t want to be alone anymore, in fact, I couldn’t bear it anymore.

His gentle hands stroked my lips right before he leaned down and kissed them. Colt cupped my breast and sucked on it, before removing his boxers and sliding on top of me. It had been so long for both of us. I didn’t want the foreplay, or to take our time. I needed him to be inside of me.

I reached down and felt the girth of his immediate erection. Just knowing he still wanted me made me hot between my legs. There was this burn for him that I needed to calm. I thrusted my hips up, touching his hardness with my naked skin. He groaned and positioned it so that he could slide right in. Colt moaned as he entered me. It was so tight and even hurt at first like our first time had. He went slow, his body trembling over top of me. I grabbed his naked ass with my hands and pulled him into me harder. His strong arms held his body up from crushing mine and I ran my hands over the muscles of them. Colt’s gorgeous green eyes found mine and he stared into them as he thrusted faster, picking up the pace to signal he was about to come. His eyes closed tightly and his body tensed up over top of mine. I could feel him exploding inside of me, making me feel like I was full of his love. In hindsight, I knew it was just semen, but at the time, it was pure bliss.

He rolled us over and stroked my hair as he placed gentle kisses all over my face. “God I missed this.”