I expected him to jump up and strike back. White must have too because he stands in front of me so that I’m shielded by his body. The room is quiet, waiting for Blue to strike back, all except for Cyan who is just munching away on his cereal like nothing is going on—oh, and the sound of Ida Sue’s juicer humming.
“What the fuck was that for?” Blue grumbles, staying down on the floor, but leaning up on his elbow. He’s rubbing his chin and moving his jaw—probably to see if anything is broken. I don’t blame him.
“That was for asking Kayla out.”
“Just to the hay pile,” Blue defends.
“Ida Sue and I love the barn, though nothing quite beats the kitchen table,” Jansen adds in his two cents, taking his hat off as he comes into the kitchen. He goes straight to Ida Sue to give her a kiss. No one responds to the kitchen table comment. I’m pretty sure we all tune out references to Ida Sue and Jansen’s sex life now.
“I’m not talking about now. I’m talking about before. Kayla said you asked her out.”
Blue looks at me and my face heats up, but I just shrug. I’m going to kill White.
“That was a year ago,” Blue grumbles, getting up and fixing his chair. Thankfully, he doesn’t hit White back, seemingly more intent on fixing his cereal.
“You should have told me. Kayla’s mine.”
“Yours? If I remember correctly, you were dating that blonde airhead. What was her name again?”
“Cannnnnnnndy,” everyone chimes in, drawing out the name just like the woman in question always did. Cyan even imitates her annoying voice, getting pretty close to the original, and I can’t help but smile. God, I hated that woman.
“Let’s forget about how stupid I used to be. Just remember Kayla’s mine now, so stay away,” White growls before grabbing the chair on the other side of me and forcing Blue to move down so there’s a space between us. Then he moves his big body into it. Once he sits down, I take my elbow and jab it into his stomach as hard as I can.
“Umph,” he gasps. “Shit, honey.”
“Quit being an idiot,” I grumble, even though I’m secretly ecstatic. That probably doesn’t say great things about me, but I find I don’t really give a damn. White wants me. White is jealous!
“Whatever happened to Candy anyway?”
“Her boobs exploded and caused what was left of her brain cells to run away,” Petal says, not bothering to look up from the newspaper.
“That’s not very nice. Candy had her faults, but she was always nice to you, Petal,” White grumbles, still eyeing the slimy green shake his mom gave him. I elbow him again, though this time because he defended Candy. Asshole. “Ow! Damn it!” he whimpers and I just smile. I figure that hit was pretty self-explanatory.
“I wasn’t being mean. I’m serious,” Petal defends. “She got some kind of thing on the internet that was supposed to inject air into your boobs and make them larger. She mixed it with some black market Botox solution that, in turn, interacted with her leaky implants. Ker-splash! Instant boob explosion. Them suckers went off like fireworks on the Fourth of July.”
Silence around the room.
Petal finally looks up and smiles. “I have the pictures Candy sent me if you don’t believe me. She married the plastic surgeon who fixed her back up. She’s now the proud owner of size 42 Double V’s.”
“No fucking way.” This comes from Jansen, who I honestly don’t think curses at all, but if ever an occasion called for it, it’d be this one.
“Want to see?” Petal asks, getting out her purse. Jansen, Cyan, and Blue all head over there.
“Don’t you dare,” I grumble when White starts to get up.
“What? Why? Come on! You can’t tell me you aren’t wondering what in the hell that looks like?”
“Go ahead and look, but if you do, you won’t be seeing mine again anytime soon,” I tell him. Though, I’m not being fair. I am totally curious and I’ll be hitting up Petal to look at those pictures later.
“Hey! I know her!” Cyan says, drawing everyone’s attention. “What? She’s a star!”
“He’s right,” Petal says, putting the pictures back in her purse. “She’s a big-time porn star now. She’s won several Golden Dildo awards.”
“It scares me that you know what those are,” Ida Sue says and Petal just shrugs.
“You mean I dated a porn star?” White asks, and I wonder if I should hit him again.
“Yeah, man, but to be fair, I’ve only seen one of her movies. It was a cult classic though. The Titties That Tamed Cock-Zilla.”