Raging Heart On_ Friends to Lovers Romance(18)

"Will you?"

"Will I what?"

"You know," I whisper, unsure of how to say it. Warmth floods me at just the thought.

"Give you my dick?" he growls coarsely, and I can feel embarrassment fill my face, heating it. This is too important to back down though, so I stand my ground.

"Yes."

"No. Absolutely not. Do you even know what you're asking? I'm not having kids, Kayla, and even if I do, I couldn't sleep with you. You're my best friend. You're like my sister, for Christ's sake."

I can’t stop the flinch that happens from those words, nor the feeling of pain in my stomach.

“I think you better go,” I whisper, feeling very alone and close to the edge.

“Kayla. Buttercup, listen—”

“Leave, White. I need to be alone right now.”

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he says after standing there silent for a few minutes.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” I agree, not really looking at him. I don’t bother to look up even when he walks beside me and wraps one of his hands around the back of my neck, pulling my head to him.

“It’ll be okay, Buttercup. I love you. We’ll figure this out. Just don’t do anything rash.”

“I won’t,” I tell him, and for some reason I feel like I’m dying inside.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he repeats and he must wait for me to reply. I don’t, but a couple of minutes later my door closes. I spend another two minutes of standing there, feeling as if there are parts of me lying scattered in pieces at my feet before I sink to the floor and let the tears out. Tears for what could have been, what never will be, and for the simple fact that I’ve always felt on my own, but after White reacted the way he did and left me, I’ve never felt more alone in my life.





CHAPTER 12


WHITE





Fuck. I think I messed up. Kayla's ignoring me. There's one sure way to know when a woman is mad at you and that's when she keeps telling you she's fine. If I hear that she's fine one more time, I might go insane. She's been avoiding me all week and now it's Saturday night. She wasn't at her apartment, so I'm pretty sure I know where the hell she is. I need to paddle her ass. The problem is, the more I think about doing that, the more my mind wanders, and the more I think of Kayla in ways I never have before—in ways I shouldn't. This morning, that was all too clear because I dreamed about her all night. If I don't get a grip on myself here, I'm going to end up ruining our friendship. That can't happen. Kayla is one of the few people in my life besides my family that I don't think I could survive without. I need to back the hell up and get my head on straight—which might be easier if I would quit jacking off every morning in the shower to the memory of her ass in my hands.

I don't know what's going on with me. I thought it was just a matter of getting laid. I haven't even managed to do that. Last night, I turned a woman away who would have given me exactly what I wanted: sex with no strings. One thought of Kayla's beautiful smile and there was just no interest there. My damn cock has been hard all week, except for when I needed him the most.

I pull into Barney's, scoping the parking lot immediately for Kayla's brown Kia Sorento. The place is pretty crowded tonight, so it takes a bit. For the first time in my life, I start to feel real panic, all because I can't find her car anywhere. She knows I'd look for her, so chances are, she picked another bar. Since we're in Dallas, that leaves only a couple hundred or more possible locations. There's no way I can find her. What the fuck am I going to do?

I reach for my cellphone, pull up my texts, and pray Kayla stops being so stubborn.

"Where are you?"

She doesn’t text back, so I try one last Hail Mary and call her, praying she answers.

“What?” she answers and relief floods through me, warring with my anger.

“I asked where you were,” I remind her. She doesn’t answer, and I barely resist throwing the damn phone. "Kayla you either tell me now, or so help me, I'll hunt you down and when I find you, you won't like what I do to you."

I’ve never been one to panic, but I might be close right now. I’m having visions of Kayla meeting a serial killer and being hacked into little pieces. The thought of anyone hurting her, making her cry, or touching her in any way terrifies me. My heart is about to beat out of my chest and that's just from my imagination. Shit. I should have just tied her ass up so this didn't happen.

Preferably to my bed… without clothes… ass up…

I tear my mind away from thoughts of fucking my best friend yet again, and let out a sigh of relief when she finally answers. Kind of.

"Why? Are you going to threaten to paddle my ass again?"