“I know.”
“We have a lot to work out,” she says, and that final hope I had of her falling into my arms and everything being okay, dies.
“Do you want me to stay in my old house, until…I mean, if you need time…”
“No. I don’t want that. Maddy needs you around. I want her to be used to having you here…”
Not exactly what a man wants to hear from the woman he loves, but I guess at least she’s letting me stay. I’ll have to use that to my advantage. She looks away from me, out over the ocean. She looks so lost in thought. Is she wishing I would leave? What’s going on in her head?
“Tess, if you don’t want me to stay here. I can leave after I visit with Maddy. I’d understand.” Even as I make the offer, inside I’m screaming no.
She turns back around to face me. Her lips are curled in, and she’s gnawing gently on the inside of her cheek. It’s cute, but heartbreaking because it speaks louder than words of how uncomfortable she is around me now.
“I want you here, Max. I want you with me.”
I still see fear in her eyes, but for now, the words are enough. I reach out my hand to her and after a moment of hesitation, she places hers in it. Her touch is warm. Her hand in mine feels right.
“Let’s go and watch our daughter blow out her candles,” I tell her giving her hand a squeeze. She smiles, and I can’t resist kissing her forehead much like I did our daughter earlier. Then, we walk, hand in hand, back to the party.
Epilogue
Tessa
One week later
“Max! I’m home!” I call out entering the house. It’s been a hell of a day. I went back to work after I had Maddy. Max has never been happy about it. He says he has more than enough money to make sure we’re all okay. Plus, his tattoo parlor does really good, even with him not working there. I can’t bring myself to be idle though. Still, many more days like today and I’m going to scream. I’m working in the public defender’s office now and seeing the way that most of these attorneys don’t even care if the inmates get a fair trial is wearing on me fast. I went off one of the lawyers today. I figure I may get canned come Monday. I’m not sure I care at this point.
I walk through the living room and don’t see him or Maddy, which is strange. They’re usually playing together on the floor or sleeping on the couch this time of day. The kitchen and dining area are completely open to the living room, so I know he’s not there either. I go through the hallway and peek in Maddy’s room. Empty. Next is the room I stay in. I can’t say ours because Max hasn’t been in here with me. We’re slowly finding our footing, but other than a small kiss or two, there’s been nothing else between us. Max has been sleeping on the sofa, and I feel guilty about it. I even admit to myself I want him to sleep beside me, but I can’t bring myself to tell him that.
“Max?” I question as I open the door. He’s lying on the bed watching television. When he sees me the turns the TV off and tosses the remote on the nightstand. “Where’s Maddy?”
“Marcum and Cherry have her tonight.”
My back stiffens at his words. My baby has never stayed away from me. I’ve only just recently weaned her from the breast. “Max, she hasn’t stayed away from the house. You should have asked me before you agreed to this.”
“I would have; if you’d bother talking to me, Tess.”
“What are you talking about? We talk.”
“We talk about what we want to eat. We talk about the weather. We talk about the baby. We just can’t seem to talk about things that really matter.”
“Maddy…”
“Maddy is amazing, and she’s the world to me, but her mother is the reason I draw air into my fucking lungs.”
Heat fills my body, and those words make my legs quake. “Max…”
“I love you, Tess. I love you. Living with you, but not being free to touch you, to kiss you…Hell even to hold you at night is slowly killing me. I can’t go on like this.”
“Max…”
“You gave yourself to me over a year ago. You might have forgotten that, but I haven’t.”
“I haven’t forgotten! You pushed me away, Max!”
“I was trying to keep you from tying yourself to someone who might never be able to be there for you!”
“You were wrong!”
“Maybe so! But I sure as hell have been doing my best to make it up to you!”
“You destroyed me! I cried for months! It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest!”
“You don’t think I felt the same, Tess?”