“No shit, that’s what I’ve been trying to get at.”
“It’s pretty big.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Okay then. Spit it out.”
“Promise you won’t judge me.”
“Bitch, you once saw me eat an entire sleeve of Oreos. You once saw me puke on a dog, which is really embarrassing, even though the dog totally deserved it. You once saw me get rejected by not one, not two, but three different frat douchebags in the same night. You once saw me drop a hot dog mustard-side down and still eat it.” She took a deep breath. “So no, I won’t judge you.”
“I slept with someone.”
Her eyes practically bugged out of her skull. “Shut the fuck up.”
“I did. I’m not a virgin anymore.”
“Oh my god!” she practically screamed. I looked around, embarrassed. “You’re finally a woman!” She got up and ran around the table and threw her arms around me.
“I’ve always been a woman,” I muttered.
“But why would I judge you for that?” she said, sitting back down.
“Well, this is the bad part.”
She looked at me for a second and then gasped. Like, gasped as if we were in a cartoon. It was so absurd it was almost funny.
“No. You didn’t.”
“I think I did.”
“Your stepbrother?” she whispered.
I nodded, bright red.
“You dirty fucking slut! That’s practically in—”
“No, it’s not,” I said quickly. “You know we’re not really related.”
She burst out laughing and I watched, embarrassed and slightly ashamed. After a minute, she gathered herself together.
“Listen, Claire, I am beyond jealous. Nate is the perfect guy to punch your V-card.”
“You’re not judging me?”
“Judging? I’m jealous as fuck. Nate is incredibly good looking.”
“He’s my stepbrother though.”
“So the fuck what? I mean really, people have done way, way worse.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
“I mean, don’t tell your parents, but yeah, Claire, it’s absolutely fine. You guys aren’t related. Didn’t Cher from Clueless end up with her stepbrother?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah! See, there’s precedent. I mean, he was her ex-stepbrother in that movie, but whatever.”
“Same difference. At least you’re not Woody Allen, marrying your adopted daughter.”
“Gross. Okay, this is making me feel better.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Unreal. Claire the good girl having passionate, wild sex with her bad-boy military stepbrother.”
“I know. It’s not like me.”
“It’s not like you at all. I am impressed. What was he like?”
I turned even redder, if that was possible. “It was good, I think.”
“You think?”
“I have nothing to compare it to.”
She thought for a second. “Are you still thinking about how it felt?”
“Yes,” I said, mortified.
“Well then, bitch, it was good.” She smiled. “I’m happy for you. Are you guys, like, a thing now?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No way. That was a one-time thing. There’s no way we can keep it up.”
“Might as well for the summer at least.”
“No way. My dad would crucify me. Seriously. He’d make a giant cross and nail me to it.”
“I believe you. So that’s it? You’re going to one and done your hunky step?”
“I guess. Don’t put it like that.”
“Sorry. You’re going to bang and dash your brother from a different mother?”
“Way worse.”
“Hump and chuck?”
“Just stop.”
We laughed together, and I felt an enormous weight lift from my chest. I had to admit, the stepbrother thing was eating at me, but it felt incredible to have Lydie tell me that it was okay. I really wasn’t going to do it again, even if I wanted to with my whole being, because I knew that it would ruin our parents if we were ever caught.
“Listen, Claire, I may be an asshole from time to time, but I do support you. I’m your bestie for life.”
“Whether I want you to be or not.”
She nodded. “Damn right.”
We changed the subject eventually and ended up wandering around downtown, drinking our coffee and laughing. I felt free and easy and happy as Lydie told me a bunch of stories about her slutty friends from high school. She wanted to talk more about the details of my night with Nate, especially info regarding the size of his manhood, but I declined to tell her.
Some things were meant only for me, and I wanted to keep it that way.