I got back to my room, feeling tired and angry. That Nicolai bastard was such an asshole for coming up to me and making me feel awful like that. It wasn’t as if I asked for any of this.
And why hadn’t Trip even talked to me? Probably because he knew everyone thought I was his whore and didn’t want to be seen speaking with his harlot.
I was so angry, I couldn’t think straight. I went into the bathroom and started the shower, stripping off my lovely dress and leaving it a crumpled mess in the corner.
I couldn’t stop hearing that man’s voice calling me a mistress. If he said that to my face, I couldn’t imagine what they were saying behind my back.
I was completely distracted and incredibly angry. I wished Trip would talk to me so that maybe he could explain or at least make me feel better.
Instead, I was alone in the shower, fuming about my situation.
I was so angry that I didn’t hear the door to the bathroom slowly creak open or the footsteps come across the tile toward the steamy stall.
30
TRIP
The dinner had been a success, or so my ministers told me early the next morning. The local barons and businessmen had been stirred by my speech, which was exactly what I needed. They pledge support and money at a critical junction.
Except all I could think about was Bryce and the look on her face as I left the room. She thought I wasn’t paying attention to her, but she had my entire mind. All I could do was think about her, but she was clearly put off when I didn’t bother to return her glances or go over and say hello to her family.
I couldn’t, at least not in front of everyone. I had to invite her, since she’d be expected, but if I ignored others in favor of speaking with Bryce, then I risked alienating the locals when I so badly needed their support. I knew I’d explain everything to her, and soon.
But not just yet. This morning was an important one. I stood outside the estate as the security team finished their preparations to leave the estate.
“How’s it going?” I asked Hardcourt.
“Well, Your Highness,” he said, “we’ll be prepared to leave in the hour.”
Long lines of trucks stretched down the road as people packed things into them. Ammunition, supplies, and weapons were all loaded up, along with the men who would be using them. These were highly skilled and trained men, and although they were outnumbered, they far outclassed the rebels. My men were better armed and skilled. They were going to win.
They had to win.
“What are our chances?” I asked Hardcourt. “Be honest with me. Your career depends on it.”
He furrowed his brows. “I’d say we have a sixty-five percent chance.”
I sighed. “I was afraid of that.”
“It’s a good shot, Your Highness. A victory here could even turn the war in our favor.”
“Or it could be a disaster and I’d have to run away again.”
“Yes. That’s true.”
“Are the men equipped with our latest weapons?”
“Yes, your Highness,” Hardcourt said. “Power suits for every third man, plus the full array of advanced weaponry.”
“Very good.” If there was one thing Starkland was good at, it was making electronics. We had some of the most advanced weaponry and technology in the world, but we were still just a small country. I was working on getting our manufacturing abilities ramped up in the coming years, but the war was really sapping our ability to scale.
I watched the trucks get loaded, one after the other. These men were my men, and each of their lives was important to me. Many of them would die, and they would die for me. I needed their sacrifices to matter. I needed them to win.
“Listen, Hardcourt,” I said. “Kill those fuckers, or don’t come back at all. Got me?”
He looked surprised. “What, Your Highness?”
I grinned at him. “I’m kidding. But seriously, kill those fuckers.”
He laughed. “I will, Your Highness.” He strode off and began ordering his troops around. I shook my head, worry tying my guts into a knot.
I wanted to go see Bryce, but I knew that would be bad for moral. I had to stand around and watch men do work that I wanted to be doing. If I was going to order them into battle, the least I could do was oversee their departure. They needed their king to believe in them so that they could fight hard.
So I stood there and I watched. I wanted to be a part of this, but I knew I couldn’t ever do that again. I had to be apart from it all, a symbol of strength and unity. That shit wasn’t my strong suit, though. I was much more the type to get deep into it and fuck shit up.
The preparations continued. The men were meant to leave soon, and I was avoiding the need to micromanage everything around me. I knew if I started that, I’d only make things worse, but it was hard. I wanted to help, although I knew I was helping by standing aside.