“Sorry,” I said quickly. “Just thinking about something.”
“Your stepbrother a sore point?”
Something of mine was sore because of him, that was for sure.
“No, not at all. He’s still a dick as always.”
“He seemed okay,” Lydie said, shrugging. “I mean, I’m not going to try and bang him or anything, but still. He seemed surprisingly nice, for a military guy.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Seriously, Claire, you look like you’re about to explode. Are you blushing?”
“No, not at all.”
Damn my inability to hide anything from Lydie.
“Seriously, you’re being so weird.”
“It’s nothing! Let’s just drop it.”
“The way you just said that proves something is up, and now I am going to find out.”
I groaned. “Lydie, come on.”
“Claire, no way. What did he do? He walk in on you during a shower?”
“Yes,” I said. “But that’s not the issue.”
“What! He saw your naughty bits?”
“No, I mean, we share a bathroom. And I was already out.”
“So he didn’t see your lady parts?”
“Stop saying stuff like ‘lady bits,’ you weirdo.”
“Don’t dodge the question!”
I paused, biting my lip.
Did I want to tell her? Lydie was my best friend. I hated having secrets from her, especially one as big as my stepbrother’s cock. I wasn’t sure how she’d react, though. Having sex for the first time with your stepbrother was more than a small step, it was basically a head-first dive off Niagara Falls. What if she was totally disgusted by me?
And yet Lydie had wanted me to finally lose my virginity. She’d been pushing for it for years. If anyone was going to understand, it would be her.
“Hello? Your brain lost service or something?”
I shook my head. “I have to tell you something.”
“No shit, that’s what I’ve been trying to get at.”
“It’s pretty big.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Okay then. Spit it out.”
“Promise you won’t judge me.”
“Bitch, you once saw me eat an entire sleeve of Oreos. You once saw me puke on a dog, which is really embarrassing, even though the dog totally deserved it. You once saw me get rejected by not one, not two, but three different frat douchebags in the same night. You once saw me drop a hot dog mustard-side down and still eat it.” She took a deep breath. “So no, I won’t judge you.”
“I slept with someone.”
Her eyes practically bugged out of her skull. “Shut the fuck up.”
“I did. I’m not a virgin anymore.”
“Oh my god!” she practically screamed. I looked around, embarrassed. “You’re finally a woman!” She got up and ran around the table and threw her arms around me.
“I’ve always been a woman,” I muttered.
“But why would I judge you for that?” she said, sitting back down.
“Well, this is the bad part.”
She looked at me for a second and then gasped. Like, gasped as if we were in a cartoon. It was so absurd it was almost funny.
“No. You didn’t.”
“I think I did.”
“Your stepbrother?” she whispered.
I nodded, bright red.
“You dirty fucking slut! That’s practically in—”
“No, it’s not,” I said quickly. “You know we’re not really related.”
She burst out laughing and I watched, embarrassed and slightly ashamed. After a minute, she gathered herself together.
“Listen, Claire, I am beyond jealous. Nate is the perfect guy to punch your V-card.”
“You’re not judging me?”
“Judging? I’m jealous as fuck. Nate is incredibly good looking.”
“He’s my stepbrother though.”
“So the fuck what? I mean really, people have done way, way worse.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?”
“I mean, don’t tell your parents, but yeah, Claire, it’s absolutely fine. You guys aren’t related. Didn’t Cher from Clueless end up with her stepbrother?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah! See, there’s precedent. I mean, he was her ex-stepbrother in that movie, but whatever.”
“Same difference. At least you’re not Woody Allen, marrying your adopted daughter.”
“Gross. Okay, this is making me feel better.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Unreal. Claire the good girl having passionate, wild sex with her bad-boy military stepbrother.”
“I know. It’s not like me.”
“It’s not like you at all. I am impressed. What was he like?”