RANCHER BEAR’S BABY(88)

I was almost glad when it was time to head in to work on Monday morning. Star’s mate would have returned and I could get back to trying to pretend as though my life wasn’t one big revolving door of sadness over him. Him, whom I couldn’t even name. It hurt to say his name and I’d been avoiding it.

I’d finished the James Smith book and it had also left me reeling. For some reason, I felt about as helpless about it as I did about him. I felt a strange attachment to the thing. Maybe, it was because one of the few memories I had at his house was of me throwing James Smith books at him. I didn’t know. I just knew that it left me oddly anxious.

Mandy came in for lunch and plopped down across from my desk. “I almost wish I hadn’t asked you to get that book for me on Friday. I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t think I’ve ever finished a book so fast.”

My chest tightened. “I read it, too. It’s definitely darker than his other books.”

She frowned and shook her head. “It’s just really sad. If I’d known he was taking it so hard, I would’ve stepped in and tried to help him.”

My eyebrows slammed together as confusion riddled me. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just so obvious that this book is so dark because he is in a bad head space. He’s hurting. It’s because of our break up. I figured he’d have a hard time with it, but I didn’t realize it would be quite this bad. Did you read the message at the front?”

I nodded. It’d been one of the parts that hit me the hardest.

Mandy recited it. “Come back home.”

My chest ached again and I stood up from my desk and walked over to the window. “You think that’s because of a break up?”

“Well, duh.”

“I didn’t know you’d dated anyone since-”

“John. Yeah. He’s who I’m talking about. You can’t tell anyone this, but John is James Smith. It’s a big secret. I signed some kind of legal form saying I wouldn’t reveal it, but really? Who are you going to tell? You don’t know anyone.”

I spun around to face her. “What did you say?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so sensitive. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

I waved her off. “No, before that. John is James Smith? John, your ex? From Wyoming?”

She gave me a weird look and nodded slowly. “Yes. John is James Smith. He’s apparently really torn up about our separation. I’d heard some of the early reviews were saying that he got really dark and something must be going on, so I had to read it as soon as possible. He was such a hunk. Maybe I’ll call him. He clearly is devastated by losing me.”

I felt like my knees were going to give out so I rushed back to my desk chair and fell into it. John was James Smith.

Was the mate connection so strong that I could feel him through the book?

Did he mean his message to me?

Did he still want me?

My heart was pounding so hard that it drowned out whatever else Mandy was saying.

Wasn’t it too late?





CHAPTER 13: Bunny




I drove myself crazy for a week. A week spent questioning myself and debating with myself about whether or not John’s cryptic message was even meant for me, or if I could even do it. If I could go back and try to have something with him. My ex had left such a bad taste in my mouth that I couldn’t imagine life with any man again, much less another bear shifter. I couldn’t stop thinking that things would turn out the same as with my ex.

Star assured me that it wouldn’t be like that. She’d started to settle down nicely with her bear. I just didn’t know if that could be possible for me.

I didn’t know John. I knew that my body wanted him and I couldn’t deny that there was something about him that called to me on an emotional level, but I was terrified of it.

There were so many fears and doubts. I hardly ate that week because my stomach was always tied in knots. My anxiety was through the roof and I messed up more at my job that week than ever before. I made the mistake of not recognizing a pretty well-known actor and the guy flipped out on everyone in the office. Which led to Mr. Scott flipping out on me. I barely noticed, though. My mind was definitely somewhere else.

At the end of the week, Mandy came in and sat in front of me again, this time a lot less cheerful. She wiped at her eyes, even though there were no tears, and pouted until I asked her what was wrong.

“Well, you know how I told you about John obviously being depressed about our relationship ending?”

I’d been holding a paper coffee cup and when she mentioned his name, my fingers twitched and I ended up crushing the cup. Coffee went everywhere on my desk, and my lap. I jumped up and grabbed a roll of paper towels from the kitchen next to my office and rushed back in to clean it up. I couldn’t meet Mandy’s eyes as I blotted at my once white shirt.