The sun was almost up when I gave up on staying away. I padded down the hallway and tried Bunny’s door. It was locked. I swore and was about to move away when the door opened.
Bunny looked up at me and a frown turned her pouty lips down. “Is everything okay?”
I shrugged. “I hate my new sheets.”
“That’s why you came to my door?”
I shook my head and put my hand on the door to push it open farther. “No. I needed to see you.”
She immediately stepped back and let me into her room. She hadn’t switched her sheets and I was jealous of the worn flannel. The old sheets from my parents’ house and they were insanely soft.
Bunny stood in front of me wearing nothing but a large T-shirt. Her hair was piled on the top of her head in some strange blob with pieces falling out all over. She was absolutely stunning. Her body was tall and curved in places that made my mouth water. Soft. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way those delicious curves had felt so soft under me.
The T-shirt hid most of her curves and I found myself getting angry about the idea that it was some other man’s shirt. I wanted to pull it over her head and make sure that she only ever worn mine.
“What do you need?”
I stared into her eyes, shadowed in the dark room. “I need you. This is crazy, Bunny. I don’t want to do this shit with Mandy. I’ve tried calling her about a hundred times today. At the risk of you being pissed at me, I am planning to tell her to stay in LA. She hasn’t answered, though.”
She walked over to the window and looked out of it. “I talked to a friend about this whole mate thing. Apparently, we’re stuck with each other.”
I felt like ripping my hair out. She made being my mate sound like a prison sentence. I tried to remain calm, though. “Yeah, basically.”
“I spent five years of my life with my ex-husband. Five years feeling like I was trapped in the relationship. Dealing with his bullshit and feeling like I had no other choice, no way out. When I finally saw my chance to leave, I did. I left with just the clothes I could fit in a suitcase. That still feels like yesterday. I don’t think I can do this with you. At least not now.”
“I don’t want to force you into anything, Bunny. I know you’re feeling what I’m feeling, though.”
“So, what? I’m attracted to you, sure. Insanely attracted. But, I want to be free. I can see the way you’re already looking at me. This shirt makes you sick, doesn’t it? You glared at it. You already want to control me.”
My claws came out and I held them behind my back. “I don’t want to control you. I just want a chance.”
She shook her head. “I can’t give you that. I’m sorry, John.”
I wanted to fight her on it. I wanted to scream at her. My bear was ready to come out and claim her so she was given no choice. That wasn’t me, though. That was the mate bond. I wouldn’t let it control me. If she wanted to go her separate way, then I had no choice but to get out of her way.
If she expected me to hang around with her and Mandy, she was crazy, though. I wasn’t going to torture myself. “Okay. I’m not staying here, though. I’ll fill Mandy in about why I’m gone. I won’t put your job at risk, don’t worry.”
Bunny fisted her hands at her sides and stepped towards me. “You don’t have to leave, John.”
“Yes! I do.” I stepped out of her room and forced a smile. “Good luck, Bunny.”
Leaving felt like I’d taken an icepick and driven it straight through my chest. Life could be so shitty at times. I’d gone my whole life being okay with not having a mate. Then when I find her and don’t want to live without her, she ends up being okay without me. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand what she was saying. I’d just hoped that the bond would be enough to outweigh her fears and objections.
I couldn’t seem to get the doubts out of my head, when I wasn’t overwhelmed by the pain of being rejected by my mate. I kept overthinking everything. My brothers would never believe it, if they could see me falling apart like this. I’d always been the calm, rational, level-headed one.
That guy was so far gone, I couldn’t even see him in my rearview mirror. He’d vanished. Replaced with some weak sonofabitch who couldn’t imagine life without a woman he’d just met. A woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with him.
I left messages with Alex, Michael, and my publisher, letting them know I was taking a few days off. I needed to clear my head. The only way I knew to do that was to spend some time in the sun, so far south that no one would ever expect to see a giant grizzly bear roaming around.