She glared up at me and climbed under the covers. “That’s not funny. There was nothing wrong with my dumplings. I thought you liked them.”
I climbed in behind her and slid my body against hers. “I loved them. I didn’t mean to imply-”
“I’m not having sex with you.”
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her even closer to me. I knew my hard-on was pressing against her thighs, but I was okay with it just resting there. I could only imagine how sore her body was. “I’m just trying to hold you, Daisy.”
She groaned and then made a crying sound. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. I just feel so awful, Michael.”
“Tell me what all’s going on.”
“Why? Are you a doctor?”
“Nope. I got about half way through medical school, though. I’d planned to become a doctor, but there was an… incident, and I left. Tell me your symptoms.”
She rolled over to face me and stared up at me, her eyes round and curious. “Incident?”
I frowned. “Tell me your symptoms, and I’ll tell you.”
She shook her head. “No way. You first.”
“Fine. I was halfway through med school when a guy tried to mug me on my way home one night.” I let out a long breath before continuing, “I lost control and shifted. The guy lived, but I knew I couldn’t be around normal humans anymore. Not regularly. Sometimes, if the threat isn’t directly in my face, I can kind of direct my bear. But, under any threat of real danger, he takes over. He isn’t cuddly.”
She stroked my chest and frowned. “Are all bears like that?”
“No. Mine is just… broken.”
“Is it from the accident when you were young?”
I rolled over onto my back and stared at her ceiling. I liked recalling the memory about as much as my bear did. Which was nil. “Yeah.”
She curled into my side and pressed her lips to my shoulder. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
As difficult as remembering was, and as much as I hated it, I found myself wanting to tell her. “When we were kids, we had an Uncle Max. My dad’s brother. He’d found his mate when he was very young and he and my Aunt Mary were together for many years before she died in a car accident. For a bear, losing your mate can be the thing that ends you. Some bears manage to handle it okay, like my mom. She’s strong. But, Max, he wasn’t strong.
“After Mary died, he lost it. He went off the deep end and started thinking all of this insane shit. He thought that someone had murdered her.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I went to his house one day to fetch him for my Dad, but when he saw me, he snapped. For whatever reason, he thought that I was the one who’d killed Mary. I was only twelve. My bear wasn’t very strong yet.
“He tore me apart. My bear didn’t understand and he was scared. He retreated. Shifters, all of us, have an excellent capacity to heal, but Max tore me to shreds. The damage was so extensive I nearly bled out before someone heard my screams and came to help. And my dad, well, he had to kill his own brother. He was so far gone, it was really a mercy killing. Max wasn’t there anymore.”
Daisy held me tightly in her arms. “You must’ve been so scared.”
“At that point, I was so close to death, I didn’t feel anything. I just knew that my bear was gone and that I was never going to be the same. My brothers, they’re all normal. They shift and play. They shift and intimidate. They shift and hang out in the woods, just to do it. I can’t, though. Most of the time, it’s like I’m human. My bear just comes out in emergencies, but when he does, it’s like he has something to prove. He’s angry and it’s nearly impossible to get him to remember that I’m here, too.”
I groaned and sat up, needing to stretch out. I suddenly felt constricted, the memories and sadness welled up in me. It was easy to say it all to her in a distant, emotionless way, but in reality, I was definitely feeling the emotions. “I…I’m a monster at times, Daisy. When the bear takes over, all I can do it watch. Someone came to our house a few months ago and tried to hurt Lucas and Mason. He shot Lucas and before I knew what was happening, I ripped his head off. Literally. A human. I killed a man without even getting to have a say in it. My bear is a cold-blooded killer.”
I don’t know why I told her that part. I don’t know if I wanted to scare her, or what. I usually tried not to think about that night. It had been a turning point for me. A realization that I couldn’t be trusted around anyone. I could turn and kill before I was even cognizant of it.