“I know you wouldn’t lie,” he said heavily, standing with his hands braced on hips, his shoulders so broad and strong, the sight of him achingly familiar in that stance. His anger was draining, but the moment was a ten-ton weight on his back.
“Then what’s wrong? I thought this was...precious...to you.” My breath hitched on the word as my throat choked, unable to finish the painful thought that maybe I was just now too flawed for that to be true anymore. He’d overridden my defenses and made me crave his care and the feeling that I was connected to this life in wonderful ways.
“That’s not the point.”
“Not the point? What is the point? I’m the same person I was last night and this morning. I’m that s-same p-person that you found to b-be precious. Please, Ryder, listen to me! Hear me!”
I was begging for love. Pleading, just the way I would go to bed at night, crying into my pillow, wishing for my mother to come back. And here I was, at it again! Wasn’t that what this was? It was me being pathetic and small, needing someone, and having that important person turn me away again. My spirit was being crushed, just as I’d known it would happen.
He didn’t respond, and instead turned away. He was rejecting me. My mind cried in protest, wanting to keen with the perfect grief that was wrapping around my heart, but I held it in as the silence stretched between us.
“All my life I have hated the Brausa. I’ve imagined killing them all, torturing them slowly with joy in my heart for all the pain they’ve caused, and to find that you are one? Brausiians are the enemy, Taylor.”
“No...” That statement had sounded so final.
“All my life I’ve sworn vengeance for my people, my parents and my sister. Brausiian animals ravaged her! She was a sweet...child!” His voice broke in memory.
“I know this. I saw it.” I thought of Asily sitting on the blanket and knew that I needed to give that to him.
“What?” He looked to me sharply. “How could you know?”
“I went with you into your dreams last night. I followed you into the grassland to find Asily. I took you to her on the Gods’ plane.”
“How... You followed me? What gave you the right?” he thundered. “Why would you do this to me? That was none of your business! You had no right!”
“She called to me! She wanted me to bring you there! She wanted you to see the truth.”
He bit off a curse and took several deep breaths. “How can that be?” he asked almost fearfully, his green eyes searching mine.
“They blamed you. It was wrong. You knew it then, and you know it now. You protect your family from the truth, hiding it away, even from yourself, but it makes you boil with resentment. They blame you and you allow it. There is no blame! This was the path she was meant to walk! I’ll show you.” Asily’s energy touched mine, letting me know she was encouraging this. It was time for Ryder to forgive himself.
Closing my eyes, I brought forth the woodland scene where Asily was smiling while sewing dolls’ clothes for her little sister, and Ryder was hiding, unable to shoulder the weight of everyone’s pain, his young voice confessing that he was no longer liked by his father. I pictured Asily giving him hugs, smiling her mischievous smile, telling him she was fine and that this was all part of a larger plan.
“No.” Ryder closed his eyes, his head tilting back as the images slid across his mind.