"Hey - you two hungry? We got chicken fajitas ready if you are."
I looked at Kaden and he looked at me, grinning. "Actually, I am goddamned starving." And then, as soon as the words were out of his mouth his eyes widened. "Oh - uh - I guess I should watch my mouth around him, huh?"
"I think it's still a little too early for that,' Alisha said. "It's nice to see you again, Kaden. You two look good together."
She was talking about Kaden and Henry. Alisha, Ray, and my mom had been really good about not haranguing me in regard to the situation with Kaden but I could see from the gigantic smile on Alisha's face that she was happy to see that Henry had finally met his dad.
We had to bring up an extra chair for Kaden but all eight of us managed to fit around the kitchen table. It should have been fraught or awkward but it wasn't. It actually felt just like it used to feel back in high school when Kaden would come over for dinner and settle into my family like he'd always been one of us. He told CeeCee she'd grown into a beautiful young woman, which made her bite her lip and look at the floor in teenage awkwardness, even though I could tell she was thrilled.
"What do you think of him then, Kaden?" My mother asked as we ate. "He's a wonderful child, you know. Not too fussy, always smiling."
CeeCee, who had been holding Henry on her lap - he generally spent most dinner times being passed around from person to person because sitting in his bouncy chair bored him and he'd get upset if he felt like he wasn't part of the action - passed him to Kaden and I watched every single pair of eyes sitting around that dinner table focus on the two of them.
An answer wasn't even necessary - it was plain as day to see how Kaden felt about his son - but he gave us one anyway.
"I think he's the best thing I've ever seen." He told, balancing Henry in a standing position on his lap. "Yeah, he is. You'd think it would take longer, wouldn't you? To think that? But I'm telling the truth right now, this little dude is the just...he's perfect. He's so perfect I can't believe it."
As Kaden finished speaking a little wobble appeared in his voice and Ray got up, walked over to him, and clapped him on the back. "Congratulations, man," he said, shaking Kaden's hand. "We needed a little more testosterone around here, ya know?"
Everyone laughed and I looked at my brother with affection - he was so good at stuff like that, taking charge of a moment that called for it.
After dinner, we had vanilla pudding for dessert, made from scratch by CeeCee. Henry managed, at one point, to get Kaden's spoon into his mouth and we all watched his face, suspicious at first and then breaking into a huge smile as he realized he liked vanilla pudding.
"Is that OK?" Kaden asked, worried. "I didn't - damn, he's fast, I didn't realize he grabbed my spoon!"
"No biggie," I replied. "He tried apricots a few days ago - but it looks like he prefers vanilla pudding."
Dinner took hours and we went through a couple of pots of coffee afterward. Henry was the focus, the way babies always are when in a large group of adults, but it all felt so good, so easy. I wanted to make Kaden stay, to tell him to look around, at how welcome he was, how loved, even after all that time. For once, I forced myself not to let worry or doubt overcome the happiness of the evening itself. We put Henry to bed together at nine, which was later than usual but he'd already been asleep in his father's arms for an hour by that point. Kaden stood over his crib and watched him sleep for twenty minutes while I stood in the doorway observing the scene.
"He's so snuffly," Kaden whispered as we made our way back downstairs. "He makes all these little noises when he's asleep, it's adorable."
There was no doubt about it, Kaden Barlow was in love with his son. Kaden Barlow was also in love with me, if what he'd said earlier that day outside the café was true, too. A feeling of happy turbulence is what I'll remember about that evening. Happiness because the love I'd spent years wanting, and doubting, had actually been there all along, hidden from me only due to my own fears and insecurities. Turbulence because the elephant in the room, the major topic, of what we were going to do - still hadn't been broached.
After one more trip upstairs to peer into the crib and marvel at his sleeping baby, it was time for me to drive Kaden back to his parent's house. While we were at the front door gathering our things, Alisha appeared and gave him a big hug.
"I know you two have a lot of talking to do," she said to both of us, "but Kaden, I just want you to know I'm so happy you met Henry today. It's not my business what the two of you work out but I wanted to say that I think you'd both be crazy to throw this away. The way you look at each other, the way I've watched Tasha pine over you - all the while pretending she wasn't pining over you - for the past few years - it's something. You're both so young, you don't know how rare this kind of thing is. Some people never find it. Don't let it go without a fight. See you soon, Kaden, I hope."