Quarterback's Secret Baby(89)

"But he's not here, he's back at-"

"Then we'll go there," I said.

Tasha was watching me closely, unsure of where this new, strange tone of voice had come from. I myself didn't even know.

"Are you angry? Are you-"

"I don't know," I told her. "You know, Tasha, I have literally no idea how I feel right now. Mostly I feel like I'm going to wake up in my bed back in Dallas and this is all going to have been a dream."

"I understand," she replied. "But Kaden, I'm not asking you because of myself - I get that you have every right to be angry. I'm asking because I think it might not be a good idea to meet your son if you're upset."

That made sense. I looked up and told her as much. Then I put my head in my hands and tried, really tried, to figure out what I was feeling. It wasn't anger. Part of me knew I should be angry, but somehow I wasn't. It was more like terror. Terror that this was a trick, a dream, not real. I looked up at Tasha.

"Right now, mostly what I feel is scared," I said. "Not scared that this is real, scared that it's not real. This - this isn't a joke, is it? This isn't one of those celebrity prank shows or-"

"No, it's not a joke, Kaden."

"Then I - I want this to be real, Tasha. I don't even understand what I'm feeling right now but even when my manager told me the rumor it was like I couldn't even let myself imagine it might be true, because what if it wasn't? You had my baby? Why didn't you tell me, Tasha? I would never have been upset with you, never!"

"I know," she whispered. "I mean, now I know. I didn't know, then. I saw those photos of you with that girl and I just got so paranoid that you would be annoyed or you'd think I was trying to trick you into giving me money or-"

"You didn't need a baby to do that," I replied. "If there had ever been a cost, an amount of money I could have paid to get you to be with me, I would have paid it. And you know that. It actually would have been a lot easier if you had been a gold-digger, you know?"

She laughed at that. "Yeah, maybe it would have."

"So what I'm saying is, I want to meet him. I'm not angry. I can't make any promises about how I'll feel tomorrow or in a week but if there's one thing I know to be absolutely true, Tasha, it's that I have an inability to think bad things about you. Even now, do you want to know what I feel right now?"

She nodded, her expression wary.

"I feel like I'm about to explode with happiness. I feel love. For you. For this baby I haven't even met yet. And all I want to do is see him, now. That's all."





Chapter 32: Natasha


Henry was asleep when his father met him for the first time. I watched as Kaden leaned over the crib in the fading afternoon light and reached down to touch his son's face, and then as he closed his eyes tightly and failed to stop the tears he was fighting. He could not take his eyes off Henry.

"Oh my God," he whispered as the baby stirred slightly. "Tasha, he's beautiful. He's - I can't believe how beautiful he is."

I stood back and let the scene unfold - a father falling in love with his son in real time. Kaden was entranced, totally occupied. When Henry's eyes fluttered open and he offered Kaden a sleepy, dimpled smile I told him he could pick him up if he wanted to.

"Is is OK?" he asked. "I mean, is he going to be scared?"

"He doesn't look scared," I replied, smiling. "You can just hand him to me if he cries."

But Henry didn't cry. He looked up at Kaden's face as he was lifted out of the crib and they stood there, staring at each other, studying one another's faces while my heart nearly burst with love.

"He looks just like you," Kaden said, tucking a blonde curl behind Henry's soft little seashell ear.

I laughed. "That's funny, everyone says he looks just like you."

We stayed there in my bedroom for a long time, not saying much because words didn't seem to be of much use. At one point I left to heat up a bottle when Henry started to fuss and gave it to Kaden to feed him.

"How do I do it?" Kaden asked, holding the bottle awkwardly like he didn't know what it was.

"Just brush the nipple against his cheek. He's hungry, he'll take it."

"Wow!" Kaden exclaimed as Henry wrapped his tiny hands around the bottle and began to smack his lips and slurp his way through his dinner. "Damn, he's strong. He's holding this thing really tightly."

"Quarterback genes," I commented.

There were things - many, many things - to discuss, but we gave ourselves that evening to just be together, the three of us and my family, before facing them. After hanging out with Henry for more than an hour Alisha knocked on the door and opened it a crack.