"Perfect," I said. "Yes, just leave. That's the solution."
She ignored me and as she turned away to walk towards the door I caught her face dissolving into tears. They made me a little angry - why was she crying? She was the one leaving! But they also made my heart lurch helplessly towards her. God help me I will never be able to see Tasha in distress and not want to do everything to make it better. I got up and followed her out into the parking lot, waiting until I was outside the café, where people had been trying - badly - to hide the fact that they were taking photos of me.
"Why are you doing this?" I yelled after her as she practically broke into a run on her way to the car. "Tasha! Why?"
I caught up to her and she suddenly whirled around, tears streaming down her face.
"You say you want me to talk, Kaden, but you're not so great at listening sometimes, you know that? You think I said I was scared of you because I thought you were going to hit me or something? It's not anything like that and if you just slowed down for a single second and actually thought about what I was saying, you might understand."
I couldn't bear seeing her like that, so upset she was trembling. She jerked her arm away from me when I went to touch her and started opening the door. I remembered what my friends had said. Tell her. Just tell her. Then if she tells you to fuck off, at least you know.
"I love you," I whispered to her back. She didn't say anything, she didn't turn around, she just froze on the spot, keys dangling from her hand.
I said it again, louder. "I love you."
She turned around that time, wiping her eyes. "Don't, Kaden. Please, please d-"
"I love you," I repeated. "And even if that's the worst thing you've ever heard and you're trying not to puke all over the place right now, I have to say this. I have to say this to you. I have to know you know, because if I don't, I'm never going to get over you. I'm going to spend my whole goddamned life pining for you and that doesn't do either of us any good now, does it? Just let me finish talking and I'll leave you alone for good, OK?"
Tasha was too emotional to respond so I just kept going, realizing that it was too late to stop, even if I wanted to. "I've loved you the whole time, Tasha. I didn't date anyone at Brooks. I don't date in Dallas. My teammates think I'm some kind of crazy monk. I can't forget about you and believe me, I've tried. So if you're angry with me right now I want you to know that I'm not saying any of this to pressure you or scare you or anything like-"
"That isn't why I'm scared."
"What?" I asked, my roll interrupted. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that isn't what I'm scared of, Kaden."
"What are you scared of, then?" I asked quietly.
Tasha fixed me with those beautiful, almond-shaped brown eyes, her lashes wet and stuck together with tears. "You really don't know, do you?"
"No. I really don't know," I replied. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was scare you. Or hurt you. Or make you feel bad. It's the opposite, actually. If you told me to rip off all my clothes and run around this parking lot barking like a dog - if you told me that would make you smile, I would do it."
She gave me a wan smile. "Be careful, Kaden. I just might call your bluff on that."
"So tell me," I said. "Tell me what you're so scared of."
"I don't know if I can," she said hesitantly.
"Try."
We stood there looking at each other, me willing her to speak up, Tasha seemingly unable to. Finally, she managed it. She lowered her eyes to the ground and her voice dropped to a whisper, but she did it.
"I'm not scared of you." She said, pausing and taking a few deep breaths before continuing. "I'm scared of myself, Kaden. I'm scared of the way I feel when I'm around you. I always have been."
I waited for her to go further - to explain what she was saying - but she didn't. Was she saying what I thought she was saying?
"You - you're scared of how you feel around me? How do you mean?" I asked.
She still wouldn't look up. "I like you too much," she mumbled. At least I thought that's what she was saying, because of the mumbling.
"What?"
Tasha lifted her head up and looked me right in the eyes. The expression on her face was one of defeat. "Because I like you too much." She said again, louder and clearer that time.
So she was saying what I thought she was saying. I stood there for a few seconds, not sure whether to laugh or cry or bang my head against the roof of the car.
"What?" Tasha asked, noting my reaction.
"What?" I repeated back to her. "What?! Are you seriously asking me that? Listen, Tasha, I'm just going to assume you're telling the truth right now because - well, because you seem to be and vulnerability has never been your strong point, to say the least. But, Jesus, really? Because you like me too much? You want to hear something funny?"