"Ha, sorry about that. You've got those mom-instincts down, though."
Alisha was giving me that look again. "You said you had Cornflakes for breakfast, Tash?"
"Yeah, why? Were they out of date?"
"No, they weren't. I'm just - uh, I don't want you to freak out, OK?"
"Oh my God," I said. "What? Now you are freaking me out! The milk was fine!"
"You spent the night with Kaden Barlow, didn't you? When he was back in town when his mom got into that accident?"
"Yes," I said, stupidly not seeing where she was going. "I told you I saw him. And I also told you why it was a bad idea."
Alisha was nodding, "Yeah, yeah, I know that Tash. But you - you were with him, right? You slept with him? And you refused to take the condoms I offered you. Did he have any?"
My mouth dropped open and I felt my eyes widening as I stared at Alisha. "Yes," I said, very quietly. "I did sleep with him. And Alisha? We didn't use protection. It only happened once. Literally once. I - oh my God, Alisha, oh my God!"
My voice was rising into a wail but Alisha grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a little shake. "Don't start panicking yet, Tash. It's entirely possible it's something else. Maybe you're just a little worked up about the mortgage signing today?"
"I don't know," I said. "I've never been a puker. Especially over good things. Oh Alisha, I can't - I don't think I can deal with this right now, I don't think I can face that lunch again, I-"
Alisha smiled and hugged me. "Tash. Calm down. Here - take the keys and go wait for me in the car, I'll meet you out there in a few minutes, OK?"
"OK."
I did what she said, walking straight out to the car and sitting in the passenger seat - I was way too out of it to drive. In my head, I did some math. My periods had never been that regular and I didn't really keep track of them most of the time - there was no reason to - but it did feel, at least, like it had been awhile. I looked up into the rearview mirror and saw panic in my own eyes. It wasn't possible. There was no way. The odds were too long. But what if it's true? I forced the question back into the recesses of my mind before I had time to face it.
Alisha put her hand on my knee when she got into the car. "OK, I told them I was driving you home because you're not feeling well. Don't worry, Tash. We got this. Even if you are pregnant-"
"Alisha!" I squeaked.
"What?" She asked, looking bemused.
"Don't just say it like that! We - we don't even know yet!"
"You're right, we don't. That's why we're going to the pharmacy right now to get some tests. You're right, we don't know. But what just happened in Manzino's is textbook knocked-up Tash. If you aren't then no big deal, life goes on. I'm just saying that if you are, we got you. I got you. Remember what a disaster it seemed to be when I found out I was pregnant? Your mom thought Ray's life was ruined. I thought my life was ruined. And then Rosa was born and not a single one of us can imagine life without her now, can we?"
I looked out the window at the suburbs flashing past, totally unable to absorb Alisha's casual pregnancy chat.
"But it was only once," I said. "I've never even been regular, Alisha. How could I get pregnant from-"
Alisha gave me a scolding look that shut me up before I was finished. "Tash, don't be an idiot. You know where babies come from. You know damn well once is enough."
I slumped forward. "Yeah, I do know. I just - it's hard to believe. It seems so unlikely."
Alisha squeezed my hand. "Listen to me, Tash. Either way, we got you. Look at me."
I looked into Alisha's eyes and she repeated herself: "We got you."
The car ride home seemed to simultaneously be over in seconds and yet take forever. Alisha, businesslike, pressed the paper bag of pregnancy tests into my hand and told me that I might as well get it over with. So I did. And when I was finished I lined them up beside the sink, all three of them, and went down to the kitchen. Alisha was there, sitting at the kitchen table. She handed me a glass of lemonade.
"Just so you know," she said, "whatever happens, if you're pregnant or not, your life is your own, Tash. Your decisions are your own. We'll support you no matter what happens."
I nodded and we sat in silence, sipping our ice-cold drinks, for the next fifteen minutes.
"Do me a favor," I said as we both headed back to the bathroom - because I wasn't brave enough to go alone. "Don't say anything to anyone. Whatever the result it. I need to do that myself."
"Of course," Alisha replied, hanging back, waiting for me to enter the bathroom first. I could see the test beside the sink but they were too far away to actually check the results.