"I don't know why she refused to even give it a chance," I said one day over some weird iced chai concoction Jess had insisted I try. "I mean, you're making it work, right? Sure it's not easy or perfect but you're doing it. I wish Tasha had just given it a chance."
"It sounds like she was scared to death," Jess replied, swirling the ice cubes around in her glass.
"What?" I asked, confused. "What would she be scared of?"
Jess took a sip of her drink and rolled her eyes. "Listen, Kaden," she said. "Don't take this the wrong way, but men can be really fucking dumb when it comes to women. Are you seriously asking me what she had to be scared of?"
I sat back, wracking my brain. Scared? Tasha? But we'd worked things out, hadn't we? At least about prom night and what happened there? "I don't know," I said, conceding the point. "I don't know. I explained the prom situation to her - eventually, I mean, when she would let me talk to her - I would never have done anything to hurt Tasha. I still wouldn't do anything to hurt her. I honestly don't see what she had to be afraid of."
"Yeah," Jess said, speaking a little slower. "You explained prom to her but did you ever look at the bigger picture? At the risk you were asking her to take?"
"What risk?!" I asked, hearing my own voice rising and feeling that same frustration I'd actually felt at the time with Tasha herself. "What the fuck?! I loved her, I didn't cheat on her and I was totally willing to go long-distance while I was away. You're acting just like her right now, Jess. You're telling me oooh, everything is scary etc. etc. but you're still not actually telling me why. Fuck!"
Jess looked at me over the table, raising a single, skeptical eyebrow and saying nothing.
"What?" I asked after a few moments had passed, still irritated by that cryptic female communication style I could never quite decipher.
"OK," she said, eying me. "I'll try and answer this on one condition."
"Sure. Yeah, anything."
"That you actually listen. I mean that you don't interrupt or argue, you just listen."
I was about to protest when Jess's words sank in. So I held my hands up and say back, saying nothing.
She waited to see if I was going to stay quiet before starting.
"OK, Kaden. Here's the thing. I don't think you're a bad person, alright? Let's just get that straight right now. I can tell you really loved this girl - that you still love her, it seems. But you're also one of those guys who's not used to hearing the word 'no' aren't you? I mean, you might as well admit-"
"Yeah," I said. "I am."
"Right. So. I feel like you were so desperate to hang on to her that you didn't really listen to any of her concerns or-"
"No," I cut in, "no, Jess, that isn't-"
"Kaden!" She yelled, loud enough to make everyone at the surrounding tables stare over at ours. "You said you would listen. I didn't even get a sentence out, there, and you're already arguing. Just stop, OK? This shouldn't be difficult, you know. You're twenty years old, you should have acquired the ability to listen to people by now."
I reached sheepishly for my cold, overly sweet tea and nodded. "OK, sorry. Sorry, Jess, go on."
"Now. As I was saying - and as you have just so perfectly demonstrated - I'm not sure you're the greatest listener. Not all the time, but maybe when there's something you want, or something you feel strongly about. You don't have much to worry about, do you, Kaden? I'm not trying to insult you or say your life has been easy or anything like that. But your parents are well off. So are mine, I admit it - I haven't ever really struggled, either, so don't think I'm being condescending right now."
"OK..." I said, feeling my heart rate rising with the effort it was taking not to cut in.
"All I'm saying, Kaden, is that it sounds like Tasha had a pretty different life, you know? It sounds like she had to grow up way before we did - if either of us can even say we're grown-up at this point, anyway. She had responsibilities that we didn't have. You said she had really good grades, right? But she couldn't go to college because her family relied on her?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"A long-distance relationship is hard, Kaden. I'm not just saying that, either. Me and Mark are both from relatively wealthy families. The only thing we have to do is make sure we don't fail out of college. Even with literally zero real, adult responsibilities, it is still almost impossible to maintain things, do you get that? Neither of us has to work, let alone full-time like Tasha does. Neither of us has a sick family member or a young family member that needs looking after, especially living in the same house. I mean, I don't want you to feel like I'm insulting you here but did you ever think about how much time that must take? How much effort? Do you understand what you were asking her for?"