Quarterback's Secret Baby(41)

I didn't know what to say. Was he telling the truth? He could have been. How was I supposed to know? He also could have been lying.

"What the hell, Tasha?" Kaden demanded, reading my mind. "You think I'm lying? You think what happened that afternoon meant nothing to me? Did I ever do anything to make you think I wasn't totally into you? Did I ever say anything to make you think it was just a casual thing for me?"

He was angry. Just as someone would be if they'd been caught in a situation that on first glance looked awful and then on closer reflection turned out to be completely innocent. But by that point, I'd had weeks to stew in my own sense of betrayal and resentment. There was also Kaden's reputation to think about and let's put it this way - when it came to women, his rep was about as far away from 'faithful boyfriend' as it was possible to get.

"I need some time to think about this," I told him, slinging my bag over my shoulder. "I can't just - I don't know what you want me to say right now."

"I want you to fucking say sorry!" Kaden yelled, loud enough to attract a glance from a woman who was perusing the dental health section a few feet away from us.

"You want me to say sorry?" I asked, baffled. "For what? What did I do? What would you have thought, if you were me? Do you think this has been fun for me or something, Kaden? Because it hasn't. It's been really awful. And I'm just not sure I owe you an apology at all. You said you'd come back to the gym to meet up with me. And instead, you went off and got wasted with your football bros. Is that my fault?"

"No! No, Tasha, that is not your fault! And I'm sorry for that, believe me. I think I'm sorrier for that than I've ever been for anything in my life! But goddamn. You really treated me like a piece of shit. Your friends couldn't even walk by me without glaring at me like I was the worst person in the world. Your brother - probably your whole family - hates my guts. That didn't feel too wonderful, either, you know."

I took a deep breath and looked up into Kaden's blue eyes. It was difficult to do that. Difficult to shove away the memories of how those eyes had looked when he was inside me. But I did it. "Listen," I said. "I've got to get home. Rosa is sick and I have her medicine. Dinner needs to be prepared. If you want I'll meet you tomorrow - or, actually, it's probably going to have to be in a couple of days. I'm really busy."

"OK," he replied, visibly trying to calm himself down. "Fine. Yeah, I think we should talk. I didn't - Tasha, I didn't mean to yell. I just - I've missed you so much. And I couldn't talk to you. You ignored all my texts and all my calls. And it fucking hurt, OK? It hurt. So if I seem worked up it's because I am. But that doesn't mean I don't understand why you reacted the way you did. So yeah. Let's talk in a couple of days. Will you answer if I call you?"

"Yes," I said, steeling myself to walk away because despite all my anger and all my pain I didn't actually want to walk away from him. What I wanted was to throw myself into his arms, bury my face in his broad, warm chest and cry my eyes out while he held me. But that wasn't something I could let myself do. I needed to think about what he'd said. I needed to try and get a handle on what I felt before I did something impulsive and stupid. "Yes, I'll reply."

"OK, then. Good."

Kaden wanted to hug me. I saw him take an almost imperceptible step towards me and then stop himself.

"Do you want a ride home?" He asked.

"Nope, it's only a short walk. I'm fine."

So we parted and I started on my way home, stopping a few times to shake my head and try to get a handle on the emotions swirling around inside me. What if he was telling the truth? What if it had just been an innocent mistake on his part? Had I just spent the past few weeks treating the only man I'd ever had feelings for like shit for nothing? The thought alone was enough to make my eyes sting and a lump rise up in my throat. What if he didn't deserve any of it? Then I remembered the fight with Ray, the way Kaden's face had looked, so defeated and hurt. Jesus.

I kept going back and forth. Flooded with remorse one minute but hardened and cynical the next. Because of course he was going to say it was all a mistake, right? When I walked into the house Alisha was downstairs in the living room, playing with Rosa. She knew something was up as soon as she saw me and sure enough, it all came tumbling out as we fixed dinner together.

"What do you think?" I asked her, finally, after I'd told her everything Kaden had said to me in the pharmacy. I think part of me wanted her to tell me it was all obviously lies, just another spoiled, promiscuous jock who couldn't keep it in his pants, that I was better off without him etc. etc. That would have made it easy, in a way. It also would have lessened my own guilt, if it was true that Kaden hadn't cheated on me.