Quarterback's Secret Baby(39)

I sat back a little on my bed, breathing quickly because telling my dad the story had just brought it all up again, all of the unfairness and anger and hurt.

"So this all happened at prom?" My dad asked. "What happened two days ago? Why have you been in your room for forty-eight hours now when prom was days ago?"

Shit. I was going to have to explain the rest of it, too. I looked down at the comforter on the bed and sighed.

"Because I went to her house to try and talk to her - what else was I supposed to do?"

"You went to her house, OK. And what happened at her house?"

My dad wasn't stupid. He knew there was more to it.

"I went to her house and got into a fight with her brother," I said, so quietly my father had to lean forward to hear me. "She came home and saw it and she just, she started screaming at me to leave her alone. So I left. Drove back here and that's why I've been in my room for two days."

"Alright," my dad said. His voice was calm. "Alright, son. I see. I mean, I assume I don't need to tell you that you messed up, right? You messed up getting drunk at prom but that was fixable. Going to her house and getting into a fight with her brother - that wasn't the best idea you've ever had."

"I know that, dad." I sighed, lying back on the bed. We talked for a little longer and my dad basically told me to get over myself - that two days moping was enough and that I had to get back to classes and football practice. He was right, that was clear enough, so that's what I did. But it was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. Doing drills with my teammates felt different, like I had weights tied to my back. I dragged, physically and mentally. During our next game I threw a few balls that totally missed the receiver - one of them even landing in the crowd. It was the first time in my life I felt the truth of the saying 'off his game.'





Chapter 16: Natasha


I'm not sure things got easier as the days passed, and then a week, then two weeks. It just seemed that I got used to the dark cloud that seemed to be hovering over me constantly. Things needed to be done, though, I had responsibilities - to myself, to my family and to my wonderful friends, none of whom wavered in their support, never once threw up their hands in frustration and told me to just get over it. And I didn't really have a choice but to believe everyone when they said that the sadness would pass. It had to be true.

I got a new job after graduation, a full-time administrative assistant position at the family law office in Little Falls. It was more than I'd hoped for as a brand new high school grad with no college and no current plans for college, and it paid a lot better than the other part-time service industry jobs I'd worked. It also allowed me to increase my contribution to the family. The hours were regular nine-to-five which meant I could get home in time to fix dinner. Alisha and I shared that responsibility, depending on Rosa's daycare schedule. I started to teach CeeCee a few basic dishes and she took on a few more chores when she wasn't swamped with homework. When Ray was home he helped out, too, but he wasn't usually home until after ten p.m.

One night, after everyone else was in bed, Ray came home from work and found me sitting in the darkened kitchen. At first, he thought something was wrong.

"Hey, Tash. Why are you sitting here in the dark? Bad day?"

"No, not at all," I replied. "Actually, I was just thinking that things are getting better for us, aren't they? I mean, we're taking care of things, we're on top of things, right? As a family? I really lucked out getting a job at the law office."

"I don't know about luck," Ray said, taking his dinner out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave. "You're smart as hell, Tash. Smarter than all your classmates going off to college. I think that law firm probably lucked out in getting you."

I smiled as Ray sat down across from me and tucked into his dinner.

"Actually," he said, in between mouthfuls, "I wanted to talk to you about that. You've really taken the weight off my shoulders with that job, you know? It's been so goddamned stressful this past year or two. You and CeeCee were in school, Alisha has to look after Rosa and then mom getting so sick - sometimes it felt like the financial survival of this family was almost entirely on my shoulders. And I know everyone contributes, I'm not trying to make it sound like I was the only one doing anything. I just - yeah, I wanted to say thank-you. You could have left us here, you know. Sometimes I think you should have. But then-"

"What?" I asked, cutting in. "What do you mean sometimes you think I should have?"

"Oh," Ray waved his hand, "I just mean sometimes I think it would have been better for you to just leave us behind, go to college, build yourself a life. But I don't really think that, and I don't think you do, either. Do you?"