Without saying anything I turned and walked away, back into the castle and up the spiraling stone steps to my bedroom. Cameron's howls were loud enough for me to hear even from my room. When I looked out the window I saw Mrs. Clyde rushing over to the Laird and remonstrating with him, waving her arms around and speaking loudly, although I was too far away to make out what she was saying.
In a daze, I started to pack my things, blinking back tears of confusion and disbelief the entire time, refusing to let them come. As I packed I got angrier. Not only was he firing me for something so small I didn't even know what it was, he was taking me away from his daughter, who was already obviously attached to me - both Mrs. Clyde and her husband had remarked upon it, with Mrs. Clyde seeming especially happy that the child had found someone to confide in.
I stayed in my room until it got dark, checking airfares on my phone and eventually booking one for the next day and using my own credit card to pay for it even though part of my employment contract had included travel costs. There was no way I was taking another cent from Laird McLanald. There was also no reason to stay the night, I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, so I called a taxi from the nearest town I could locate on Google maps and headed downstairs to wait outside for it to arrive.
I wasn't waiting for more than two minutes before Mrs. Clyde opened the front door and walked up to me, her expression tense and sad.
"Jennifer, I can't ask you to stay after that."
No, she couldn't ask me to stay. Even if I had wanted to, it wasn't Mrs. Clyde's decision anyway.
"The Laird has been having such a rough time lately, and so has wee Cameron. I know it's only been a short while but I can see how much she likes you."
The mention of Cameron instantly had tears rising again but I swallowed them back down, looking out at the road and concentrating on waiting for the taxi. Mrs. Clyde continued, wringing her hands as she spoke:
"Jennifer, he doesn't want you to leave. He can see how happy Cameron is with you."
"He just fired me, Mrs. Clyde." I fought to keep my voice calm and steady, but even I could hear the wobble in it.
Mr. Clyde emerged from the castle and walked down the stairs to join his wife, and the sight of the two of them, clearly distraught at the situation, just made fighting my emotions that much harder.
"Jennifer," Mr. Clyde started, meeting my eyes and then looking down at the ground almost apologetically, "the Laird has such a temper when it comes to those he loves. He had to fly to Edinburgh but he would have told you him-"
A car turned into the driveway before Mr. Clyde could finish, its headlights illuminating the pale gravel as it made its way up to where I was standing. It was the taxi. I knew I was going to cry if I said too much and I just wanted this awfulness to be over, so I only spoke briefly to the Clydes before getting into the cab:
"I understand you're trying to help. You didn't hear the way he yelled at me, and as I said I don't even know what I did. I don't want to leave, but I can't stay."
What I wanted to say was "I don't want to leave Cameron" but I knew that would have the words catching in my throat so it went unsaid. Neither of the Clydes could think of anything else to try and prevent me from leaving so instead they just stood watching sadly as the taxi pulled away. I managed to wait until the driver had turned onto the road before putting my face in my hands and bawling.
Chapter 5
The train station was deserted when I arrived and there didn't appear to be any staff anywhere so I settled onto a cold concrete bench and steeled myself for a chilly night waiting for the first train the next morning. No part of me was looking forward to explaining to my friends what had gone wrong with my summer job, which wasn't helped by the fact that I myself didn't really know what had caused the Laird to blow up like he did. I let my shoulders slump forward - there was no one around to try and look strong for so why bother? - and went over the conversation I'd been having with Cameron before Darach lost it. He'd obviously been listening in. Maybe it wasn't the comments about shooting, maybe it had been the conversation with her about her mother?
The loneliness that had been with me every waking second since my grandmother passed came back with a vengeance that night in the empty train station with its bright, irritating fluorescent lights. I made a feeble attempt at warding off a bout of self-pity but in the end just decided that if I couldn't feel sorry for myself shivering with cold in the middle of a foreign country and with no one around who knew me, where could I feel sorry for myself? When the tears finally seemed to stop coming I used one of my bags as a pillow and lay down, tightly curled up against the cold, on the bench to try and get some sleep.