Pushing the Limits(56)

"Don't be a love hater." She scowls.

I laugh into my wine and contemplate telling her the truth. The rational  side of me says, ‘No, the wound is still too fresh' but the drunken  side of me says, ‘Tell her!' Plus, it'd be great to finally get it off  my chest and tell someone.

"I'm not," I say seriously. "In fact, I fell for someone."

"WHAT?" She screeches so loud, I'm sure the old guy who lives next to me  and always forgets to turn his hearing aid on heard. "How's that even  possible?"

"Even the flawed and damaged are capable of love," I mock.

"All right. Now you have to spill. Evvvvverything … " she slurs, grabbing  the neck of the wine bottle that's been empty for over a half hour.  "After we get more wine from my place." She sets it back down, and I  laugh.

"Okay, fine. But you have to promise to not get all sappy on me." I  point a finger at her as we walk out the door, wine glasses in hand, and  down to her apartment.

"No promises." She opens her door and nearly trips over herself in the process. "Especially since I'm starting to see double."

I laugh and shut the door behind us. When we enter her apartment, I see  Zoe's sitting on the couch in her rubber duck footie pajamas stuffing  her face with popcorn.

"I'm too drunk to even make fun of you right now." I plop my ass next to her. "Pass the popcorn."

She shifts the bowl into my lap and sighs. "There is no reason why three  hot girls should be wallowing with wine and popcorn on a Friday night,"  she states. "What is wrong with the universe?"

"Rather, what's wrong with us?" I offer.

"Aspen has a secret." Kendall giggles, sitting on the loveseat. "But I'm  not supposed to tell. So shhh … ." She covers a finger over her lips and  Zoe laughs.

"Apparently, you've forgotten what the meaning of what a secret is!" I say, shoving another handful of popcorn into my mouth.

"God, did you save any wine for me?" Zoe wrinkles her nose.

"Why do you think we came over here? We needed to stock up."

"Okay, grabbing the wine … " Zoe stands up and walks toward the kitchen,  calling over her shoulder. "Don't you dare start without me!"

"Jesus Christ," I mutter. "I'm going to need a lot more wine for this."

Zoe walks back in, waving a bottle of wine in each hand and an extra  glass for her. "Good thing Kendall's a wine-o. We're always packing over  here."

She pours us each a healthy amount and sits down next to me. "All right, so spill. What's this secret?"

I bring the glass to my lips and down half of it before setting it back  down. I choke it back and wipe my mouth. "Okay, ready?" I exhale and  they nod in return. "Remember when I mentioned I kissed my professor?"

"Morgan," Kendall clarifies with a satisfied grin.

I nod.

"Well, we started secretly dating and sleeping together," I begin,  trying to keep my emotions in check. "And I fell hard for him. Like full  out making the walls rattle, can't get enough, butterflies in my  stomach every time I'm around him kind of falling."

"Holy shit!" Zoe gasps and Kendall's eyes go wide in shock.

I purse my lips and nod, my cheeks reddening. "Yes."

"Oh my God! This is so much better than the Housewives of Orange  County." Zoe grabs the remote and shuts the TV off. She shifts her body  and faces me. I flash her a playful scowl and she smirks.

"I've let him in closer than I've ever let a guy before. It felt  foreign, weird, and I was scared. But after finding out the horrible  news about my sister and dealing with my mom, he still never left. He  just kept reminding me how much he was here for me and it was so much  different than I was used to. No one's ever really been there for me  like that before."

"He sounds like a keeper," Kendall admires with wide, doe eyes.

"Wait," Zoe interrupts. "So what's the matter? Are you scared to let him in all the way?"

"Well, it wasn't easy at first, but he managed to break down my walls  and little by little, I was letting him in. In fact, everything was  going perfectly."

"Then what?" Kendall asks, taking a sip and locking her eyes on me.

I lower my eyes, trying to keep it under control, but it's a struggle. "Then I broke up with him."

Kendall spews her wine all over her lap as I blink the tears away that threaten to burn my eyes.         

     



 

"Jesus, Kendall," Zoe complains, shifting away from her and laughing.

"Well, what the hell, Aspen? I thought this was a happy story." She knits her brows, wiping away the wine off her clothes.

I narrow my eyes at her and point to my wine glass. "Would I be drowning myself in bottle after bottle of wine if it were?"

"Well, what the hell happened?"

"Someone caught us," I finally say. "She said she'd go to the board and  get my scholarship and grad school references stripped if I didn't break  it off with him."

"What a jealous bitch," Zoe blurts out. "Why didn't you tell her to fuck a duck or something?"

I snort, shaking my head. "Because I actually need to get my degree and  graduate, or I'll be stuck here, living next to you guys," I tease.

"Well, besides that."

I shrug. "I don't know. Maybe because a part of me really is scared to  let him in all the way. Hurting him and breaking it off now was just  easier than waiting for the inevitable."

The truth in my words feels like a knife twisting in my heart.

"So you're going to let some desperate housewife, who's clearly not getting laid, dictate your future?" Kendall challenges.

"What choice do I have? He's raising his niece all by himself. He could get fired and then what?"

"I just don't think you should run away because of her or because you're  scared what will happen. That doesn't seem right at all," Zoe insists,  the wine making her a bit too loose.

"It's not," I agree. "But it's a lot to risk. And then what if I risk it for nothing?"

Kendall sets her glass down and sits up.

"Sometimes it's letting them in that helps you feel whole again. Even if  you feel like a mess yourself. Maybe it's not meant to last, but maybe  it is. You'll never know if all you do is run away."

"Even knowing how it ends up?" I inquire.

The corner of her lips tilts up slightly. "Yeah. Being in love is one of  the greatest feelings in the world. You risk your heart, but it has to  be better than going through life without it at all."

"All's fair in love and war," Zoe says.

"Love is a battlefield," Kendall adds with a giggle.

"Okay, okay, I get it. No more clichés needed." I laugh into my wine glass, finishing up the last sip.

I think about everything they said while we sit and watch movies. I wish  it were just my own insecurities to work through, but knowing that  someone knows about us with the potential to destroy us both-I can't do  that to him.





MORGAN



Nothing makes sense.

Not without her anyway.

Seeing her, pretending my heart isn't shattering every time I look at her, is getting harder and harder.

But I do what I do best in times like these. I distract myself, drowning myself in work, hang out with Natalia and sleep.

Mostly sleep.

I'm trying to understand it all, but I just can't. I fight back the  tears, but after a while, I give up and surrender to them. I don't care  anymore.

As I'm making dinner for Nat and me-as she's glued to the TV watching  some game show-the doorbell rings. And then it rings again. Nat barely  even flinches.

"Don't worry, I'll get it," I over-exaggerate. But the moment I open the door, I wish I hadn't.

"Fuck … " The word comes out before I can stop myself.

"Guess I deserve that." Jennifer stands across from me, pursing her lips  in a please don't slam the door on me look. I won't lie, it sounds  tempting as much as the sight of her makes my blood boil, but trying to  be the better man, I don't.

I shake my head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"It's all right."

We stand there, silent and awkward.

"So what are you doing here?"

"I was hoping we could talk," she says sincerely. "I promise I won't stay long."

"Did my mother put you up to this?" I narrow my eyes, trying to read her.

"No, I swear she didn't." She sounds genuine, so I push the burning hatred in my heart aside for now.

After a beat, I open the door wider and let her in.

"Smells good. Have you learned to cook since you left California?" she asks, taking off her coat.

"I've been practicing."

Natalia comes strolling in and snickers. "He lies."

"Nat, go to your room. I'll call you when dinner's ready."

"What?" She gasps. "Why do I have to leave?"

"Because I have a guest, and I don't need you eavesdropping on our conversation."