Natalia and I watch movies together when Morgan has grading to do and works in his office. I see a lot of her in me-shutting down and building the walls up around her. It's not an easy thing to process, but protecting your heart is the only control you feel you have.
"What's your favorite subject?" I ask one night when we're alone.
"Reading," she responds immediately, not keeping eye contact.
"What's your favorite book?"
"The Hunger Games."
"Oh, I haven't read that one yet."
"It's way better than the movies," she adds.
"Aren't they always?" I crack a smile.
She smiles back. "Yeah, usually."
"What's your favorite sport?" I ask, pushing for more excuses to get her to talk.
"Football."
"Really?" My eyes light up. "Mine, too!"
"Yeah, it's pretty hard to resist hunky men in tight pants."
I burst out in laughter, but her face barely moves. "C'mon, that's funny," I press.
"You don't have to do this." She sighs, keeping her eyes glued to the TV.
"Do what?" I draw my brows together.
"Pretend to be nice to me."
"Who says I'm pretending?"
"It's a classic rookie move."
"Excuse me?"
She finally turns toward me, a serious expression on her face. "My dad dated a lot. Not really girlfriends, but they'd come in and out for a while, always smiling at me and pretending to tolerate me for his sake. I knew it was all fake."
She's smarter than I realize.
"Well, I'm not faking, just so you know."
She shrugs, moving her eyes back to the screen. "Doesn't matter either way."
"Why's that?"
"You really think you and Uncle Morgan are going to be one of those long lasting types?"
I purse my lips, a crease forming on my forehead. She's eleven but talks like she's thirty. "Honestly, I don't know."
"Exactly."
I release a small laugh. "I went through the same stage as you when I was younger."
"What stage?"
"Pushing people away, not wanting to make friends with anyone, not wanting people to take pity on you, or think you're fragile and weak. You build up these inner walls that prevent you from hurting any more than you already are. I get that. I really do, because I've been doing it for over six years. But you know what?" She faces me, her features soften, and her lips form into a frown.
"What?"
"It gets really lonely. And tiring. Always pushing people away."
She studies my features for a moment before speaking. "So why did you?"
I shrug. "It's all I knew how to do in order to deal with what I was going through. I didn't have a support system until recently, and it was just how I dealt with the anger inside, but holding it in for so long becomes more a burden than a release."
Her lashes lower and I know I've hit a sore spot.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, hoping I haven't upset her. "I just want to help."
"It's fine."
"You can talk to me about it anytime you want. I lost my sister when I was just a little older than you, and so I know a thing or two about being angry." I flash a small, sincere smile, and she flashes one back, the first time I've seen a genuine smile on her face.
Morgan and I spend every free moment we have together in between classes and work. I know he's worried about me from the way he's always asking if I'm doing all right. He's concerned about my anxiety and one more thing putting me over the edge to have a complete panic attack or something. I can't say I blame him, considering the circumstances, but if I keep myself busy enough, I don't have time to think about it. I can process Ari's notebooks on my own without dragging everyone else with me since the only one that needs to work through it is me.
Being around Natalia is a nice and welcome distraction. We chat every time I come over, and I'm starting to feel her get closer to me, which both terrify and excites me. She's already gone through so much heartbreak, I don't want to cause any more if something happens between Morgan and me.
But I don't let myself think about any of that because being with Morgan feels more right than anything I've ever felt before. We're even getting better being in class together, pretending that nothing is happening between us, and Ellie hasn't mentioned anything to me since, so I think it's actually working.
I've been tempted to go to his office and surprise him in nothing but a bra and panties, but I know we have to be smart about this, so for now, we keep it strictly student and teacher on campus.
But the moment, we go to his or my house, all bets are off. The heat and passion haven't sizzled one bit. It's the first time I've ever felt this way, the need to constantly want more of someone. It drives me insane-in the absolutely best way possible.
A week passes and things are still as smooth as ever. I keep Ari's journals in my room, not wanting to be too far from then. Even though she wanted to take her secret to the grave, I like having a part of her with me.
By the following Monday, I'm nearly skipping around campus like a little girl who just found out she's going to Disneyland. I'm dying to tell someone, maybe Ellie, but I know I should at least wait until this semester is over so she doesn't taunt me every chance she gets.
After my first morning class, I walk through the commons area to the small cafe when I see Professor Van Bergen walking directly toward me.
"Hey," I say politely, waiting for her to walk past me, but her feet stay planted on the ground.
"Aspen … " she drawls out my name and my body shivers. "I've been meaning to speak with you."
My brows furrow. "Oh? What about?"
"I think you know exactly what." My heart starts beating faster, and I'm pretty sure she can see the sweat forming on my forehead.
"Sorry, I have no idea. Was it school related?"
A sly smirk spreads wickedly across her face. "You could say that."
I swallow. "What is it?"
"I'm going to need you to end your little relationship with Professor Hampton."
My heart stops.
At least, I'm pretty sure it does because I can't breathe.
"Yes, I know. Don't look so shocked."
I blink and keep my composure the best I can. "I've no idea what you're talking about."
"No?" She fishes for her phone and grabs it out of her purse pocket. "Do these pictures not imply something going on between you two? Something more than just student and teacher?"
They're pictures of us talking after class, closely. One is of us outside even, his hand briefly brushing mine, but he doesn't hold it.
"It proves nothing," I say confidently. "It's my word against yours."
She tucks her phone back in her purse and leans in closer to my face, our eyes level. "And just who's word do you think the board will believe?"
"Why would you want to get him fired?"
"I don't, but I wouldn't mind seeing your scholarship and graduate school references disappear."
My jaw ticks at her implication, and I feel like clawing my fingers into those stupid deceiving eyes. "I have one year left," I try to defend. "What is it you want from me?"
"I want the little love birds to break up. For good. None of this pretending you've broken up stuff because, honey, I'll know."
My back stiffens, and I resist the urge to wipe that devilish grin off her stupid face. "And how would you know? You plan on following me? Putting a GPS locator on my car? Why should I even believe you?" I cross my arms, ready for a fight.
"I'm a very smart woman, Aspen. Do you really want to risk it? One indication that you've told him is all I need. With one press of a button, the email regarding your little, forbidden affair will be sent directly to the board and dean, pictures included."
"So you're willing to get him fired and throw my chances at getting into grad school for what … to prove a point?"
"It doesn't really matter why. But if you must know, I saw him first. We were hitting it off until you started shaking your twenty-something ass and grabbed his attention away from me. So if you want to remain on the track to grad school without getting a single parent fired, you'll gladly do exactly what I ask."
Shit. She knows about Natalia.
"You're an evil bitch," I hiss.
Her lips tilt up into a pleased, victorious smile. "Glad we're on the same page." She steps around me and shimmies her ass, stomping on my heart with every click of her heel.
I want to cry. And scream. But mostly cry.
This man has managed to mend my aching heart, and now I'm forced to break his.
I turn around and head straight for my car with my head down.
At least, I wait until I'm inside to release the tears.
MORGAN
I know Aspen isn't okay.
I just wish she'd open up to me and let me in. But I can't blame her entirely.