"Yeah, we both look a lot like our dad. The Hampton gene."
"What happened to him?"
The kindness in her voice has me fighting the huge wave of grief. I've held onto it so tightly, but her genuine interest in this part of my life could very well break that dam. I flip to the end of the book where there are a couple of pictures taken on the day he graduated from the police academy. His smile was wide and proud. His then-fiancée, Lena, stood beside him as she wore her new engagement ring.
Ryan's life had just begun. After he and Lena had married, they got pregnant with Natalia shortly after. He was all set to have his happily ever after and the career he busted his ass for, but unfortunately, things didn't play out that way for him.
I take a deep breath and start explaining
"He'd worked for the Berkeley PD for about thirteen years at that point, but he wasn't on duty the day he died. He had a weird addiction to gas station coffee and always went and refilled his cup before picking Natalia up from school. Some young punk walks in and starts waving a gun at the cashier, demanding he clean out the register. Ryan, being who he was, tried to talk the kid down. He waved a few other customers who were inside to hide in the back as he stayed up front with the cashier.
"According to the cashier, he was using police tactics to get him to surrender his weapon, and they could all leave unharmed. He didn't carry his gun while he was off-duty, but it was tucked away in his car. Once he calmed the kid down and got him to lower his gun off the cashier, he tried getting him to drop it and kick it over to him. From the security tapes, it shows Ryan motioning to the cashier to get out. The cashier tripped and the kid got startled and ended up pulling the trigger."
I've not looked up from his picture as I've talked, but I glance at Aspen, needing her reassurance to continue. There are fresh tears on her cheeks and her small hand over her mouth as if she's trying to hold back a sob. I lean over and brush a gentle kiss on her cheek, tasting the saltiness of her tears.
She curls into me, wrapping her arms around me as best she can in this position. "Then what?" her voice soft and encouraging.
I inhale another deep breath and continue. "He hit Ryan in the side, somehow missing everything vital. Had that been the only shot, he would've survived. After the cashier had run out the door, Ryan tried to apply pressure and stall the bleeding. From the security tapes, you can see how the kid was getting agitated-pacing back and forth, as Ryan struggled to get a hold on the gunshot wound. The responding officer arrived quickly, but the sirens spooked him even more. He locked the front doors and continued waving his gun around. Ryan continued to talk to him, reassuring him that they could both walk out of this, but the moment more cop cars arrived, he freaked out and pulled the trigger again. That time, it finished him off."
Aspen's shoulders shake, and I can tell she's trying to be strong for me. Honestly, I need that strength at this moment because reliving it all is painful, but I know I need to deal with the reality of it before I can really move forward. I need to find a way to let myself grieve.
"The kid didn't get far after he ran out the back. They caught him only a few blocks away. He was only fifteen years old. Just a few years older than Natalia is now. A kid ruined not only his own life but stole away Nat's whole world and my brother's life, too. But I fully believe he died a hero that day, and I'm proud of him for sacrificing his own life to save another's." My voice cracks with sadness, but I try to remain strong. "I'm so angry at myself for not fixing things with him. Stubborn pride and stupidity kept me away for five years, and I'll never get that time back."
Aspen pulls the big book off my lap and replaces it with her body. Her slight weight and comforting arms are everything I need at this moment. I bury my face in her strawberry scented hair and release the burden of it all for the first time since I last saw him at his funeral. She grips me tighter, her voice soft and full of affection when she simply tells me how sorry she is.
She doesn't fill the silence with a bunch of nonsense chatter or try to fix things like other people do. She gives me her acceptance and quiet strength as if she can sense that it's exactly what I need.
A soft creak from the hallway makes both of our heads jerk up. Natalia peeks in slowly, a blanket wrapped securely around her. Her lips are turned down, and I can tell she's heard us.
"Come here." I nod my head toward us.
Aspen moves over slightly, making room. Natalia shuffles in between us, grabs the blanket, and unravels it. She lays it across all of our laps as we sit next to each other.
I grab the photo album and place it gently on her lap. She looks down, tracing her finger over the lines of the photos. Warmth fills my heart even though grief is consuming the rest of me.
I glance over at Aspen looking at me, her lips pulled into a soft smile. She wraps an arm around Nat and pulls her into her side. She lays her head down on top of Nat's, giving a quick kiss on her temple before laying it back down again.
After several moments of Natalia turning the pages, I rub my hand on Aspen's neck, getting her attention, and mouthing a quick ‘thank you.'
I feel so lucky to have someone like Aspen holding me up. I'm supposed to be doing that for her, but it's as if she knew I needed her this time. It's as if she knew we could be each other's strength.
It's at this moment I realize how hard I'm falling for her. Not just a crush or someone to fill a void, but genuine, head-over-heels, can't-get-enough-of falling for her feelings.
It should scare the shit out of me, but all I can do is smile and hope she feels the same way, too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
ASPEN
I'm dreading the fact that classes are starting back up in two days. Spending every day with Morgan other than work has made this one of the best weeks I've ever had. I can't remember ever feeling like this with someone before-mainly because I never allowed myself to. But he's made me want to open up and let him in, and now I don't ever want that feeling to go away.
"Do you have to go to work today?" he groans, pulling me into his arms as we lay in his bed. I have a long shift today, but all I want to do is stay in bed with him.
"Unfortunately, yes," I mutter with a sigh. "You can come visit me," I offer. "Bring Natalia. I'm sure Ms. Jones wouldn't mind."
"No, except she cannot know about us."
"But Natalia knows."
"Yeah," he says with a frustrated grunt. "I'll talk to her first."
I hate that he has to ask his niece to keep our secret, but it's the only way. Ms. Jones is on the school board at CSLA, and she would be ethically bound to tell the school. I don't want to put her in the situation, so it has to remain just between the three of us.
He squeezes me tighter and presses a chaste kiss on my lips. "I'll get the coffee started."
I quickly shower and change. I dry my hair and pull half of it up. Morgan comes in with my cup of coffee, filled with my favorite mocha creamer and topped with whip cream. He's mastered it quite well.
"Thank you." I smile and finish applying my eyeliner. "I have to leave in ten minutes, though. No distracting me," I tease, knowing that he'll try.
"Oh, what fun is that?" he mocks with a knowing grin.
"Ms. Jones may be your aunt, but she's still my boss. I need her reference to hopefully get into a graduate school. Can't be pissing her off."
"You know she's a real softy at heart. She may look and sound all tough, but put a puppy in her hands and she melts like butter."
I snort at the visual. "Well, unless you have a puppy handy, I better get my ass to work."
I clean up my mess and finish my cup of coffee before kissing him goodbye. I give a quick wave to Natalia before backing out of the driveway, smiling.
She's warmed up to me so much in just a short amount of time. It's hard to believe she's only eleven. Losing parents will do that to you, though. You're forced to grow up faster than you should.
I arrive to work with two minutes to spare. I place my belongings in my locker and put my vest and nametag on. As soon as I slam it shut, Shane walks in with a crooked grin on his face.
"What are you smiling about?" I inquire. I hadn't really spoken to him much since his rude attitude at the gala, but I'm in an unusually happy mood and decide to look past it.
"You'd only be lucky to know. Too bad you're screwing Ms. J's uppity-too-shoes nephew." He cracks a smile and all the blood drains from my face as he grabs a soda from the vending machine.
My breaths are shallow, and I can't think of a come back quick enough before he continues.
He shakes his head with a knowing grin. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." He cracks his Coke open and walks out, turning back to wink at me.