I'd never met anyone who's completely understood before.
"Before I give you anything to break, we get to hear the whole story," Zoe demands, and I groan.
"Can't I just break a plate without being interrogated?"
Kendall snorts. "Not likely."
"Why didn't I just fuck him and move on like the rest of them? Why'd I have to go and like the stupid jerk?" I ask aloud with a harsh tone. Kendall hands me a plate and watches as I smash it on the floor. "I mean, who just kisses a girl-twice, I might add-and then leaves? Who the hell does that?" Kendall hands me another, and I add it to the rest of the shattered pieces on the floor. "And why does he have to be my goddamn professor?" I yell out before I have a chance to realize what I'm saying.
Their jaws drop. Silence lingers in the air except for my heavy breathing.
"Holy shit, Aspen," Kendall finally says. "The professor you were talking about before?"
"Yes," I quickly answer and continue, "I just need to fuck him out of my system. Fuck him and kick him the curb. It's the only foolproof way I know." I decide.
Kendall and Zoe stare at me, wide-eyed and toothy grins.
"What?" I finally take a breath and ask.
"You really like this guy." Zoe nods.
"More than any other guy you've been with," Kendall agrees.
"Yeah, well, I did. Before he pinned me up against the wall and kissed me the way he did … "
"Must've been some kiss," Zoe mocks.
I sigh.
"Well, it was. It really was. But … it's so much more than that. It's the way I feel when I'm around him. The way he interprets the pieces I create. The way he looks at me as if he's trying to figure me out … and then I find out he has a girlfriend after telling me he didn't. So he's just like the rest of them."
I grab the last plate and slam it down.
"I should've known. Opening your heart only gives people the permission to break it. And once it breaks, it bleeds."
After helping the girls clean up, we settle in with trashy reality shows and order in Chinese food. As much as I was keeping my feelings to myself about Morgan, I know I can trust them. The more I spend time with them, the closer I feel.
It's almost as if they've been filling the void in my heart this whole time, and I hadn't even realized it. Ever since meeting them, I'd kept my walls up, cemented and foolproof. But little by little, they've knocked them down, wall by wall. And, the thing is, I didn't even really notice it until now.
Ariel and I used to talk about everything. Sometimes we'd even stay up late and just talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up or what college was going to be like. Even how we'd get pregnant at the same time so we could experience it together.
I hadn't realized how much I missed having someone to listen to me until Kendall and Zoe came along.
"So, we need to know exactly what happened," Zoe starts. "Who made the first move?"
I take a bite of my eggroll and furrow my brows as I contemplate on who did make the first move.
"Um … I think it was kind of mutual, but I want to say it was him. We'd been getting closer and closer all semester, but it was he who initially crossed the line. He rubbed his hand over my jaw and when he started to lean in, I leaned in, too."
"Did your whole body just explode? Was your mind having a mini-freak out?" Kendall asks with glazed eyes.
I burst into easy laughter. "No, I'm not twelve. But I have brought Tristan into the shower with me a couple times after that."
"Who?" Zoe's nose wrinkles.
"Her partner in crime … " Kendall snorts.
I grab a piece of chicken and pop it into my mouth. "It's creepy that you know that."
"Well, then stop leaving him out in the open if you don't want people to see." She reaches over and grabs a box of noodles.
"It was in the shower!" I defend. "Stop being a snoop and you wouldn't know these things." I chuckle.
"Wait a minute … " Zoe interrupts. "We're talking about dildos, right?"
Kendall and I burst out laughing, the noodles spewing right out of her mouth as we take in Zoe's confused expression.
Once I'm finished clarifying who Tristan is, we all lounge on the couch in our pajamas with glasses of cheap wine for the rest of the night.
It wasn't glamorous, but it was exactly the kind of night I needed.
I feel better after my night in with the girls. I've never felt that way before-the need to be destructive-but it felt good to release that anger instead of forcing it down. Opening my heart and mind and allowing myself to be vulnerable reopened a lot of the wounds from my past. Several tears and broken dishes later, I almost feel refreshed.
After work tonight is the life-drawing workshop, and I'm tempted to skip it, but I already promised Ms. Jones I'd stay and help clean up.
"You coming tonight?" I ask Kendall over breakfast in her kitchen. "Come see what the fuss is all about."
"If I wanted to see a naked woman posing for an hour, I'd just watch porn."
"Classy." I snort. "But for those with fewer brain cells than the rest of us-" I glare at her with a sly smile. "It's an amazing opportunity for artists. The models pose in these positions that help expand our drawing skills. You aren't looking at a naked person. You're creating life on paper."
"And with that, I'm now skipping breakfast." She stands up and tosses her plate in the sink.
"You are so narrow-minded!" I yell out, gripping my coffee cup with both hands and laughing.
"Perhaps. I'll leave the creative and open mind to you."
"Like you even had a choice."
She walks back with the coffee carafe and refills my cup for me. "I might skip work altogether." She groans, setting the carafe back down. "I just want to lie in bed and watch Netflix."
I flash her a cheeky grin, sympathizing with her broken heart. "I'm not sure Netflix pays the bills, babe." She curls her lip in disapproval. "We could go buy more plates and break them?" I offer, arching a brow.
"Or you could stop breaking my shit and buy me new plates?"
I smile. "Okay, deal."
The gallery is busier than usual for a lazy Sunday, so I'm booked with tours back to back. I love it when there's a massive amount of chatter and shoes clicking on the hardwood.
By late afternoon, I'm ready to pass out. Fortunately, it's time to set up for the class, which takes my mind off being exhausted.
"So we have three of the rooms blocked off for tonight. There need to be at least fifty chairs in each with extra easels," Ms. Jones explains to Christine and me how we have a few others helping out too since there is a lot to be done. "At the front of the room needs to be a stool sitting on top of a white sheet."
We nod in understanding and the group breaks away to get started, Christine following me. I'm busy moving chairs around and can't help but notice the dreamy face Christine has while she's setting up the area where the model will be. There's going to be three models tonight and they will each rotate every forty-five minutes from room to room, offering different poses to each group.
"What's the smile for?" I ask, knowing it must be because of the guy she's been seeing.
"Oh, nothing," she says, playing it off. "Just thinking about my date last night.
I mentally high-five myself at being right again and to remind her that she really needs to work on her poker face. "And how is everything going with this new beau of yours?"
She sighs. "It's great."
I chuckle. "See, I knew you just needed to get laid. I should be a therapist. If you're sad-sex. If you're mad – angry sex. If you're anxious-shower sex. Everything can be fixed with a little d, but a big D is always better."
She rolls her eyes, laughing. "We better get this done before Ms. Jones comes in here and has a coronary."
By six o'clock, everything is set up and ready. People who purchased a ticket begin arriving and setting their things up. I'm super excited, especially when I start seeing a few classmates from Professor Hampton's class.
"Hey!" I hear Ellie's sweet, southern voice.
I turn around and she charges at me, engulfing me in a large hug. "Hi!"
"Which room are you going to be in?"
"Oh, I don't know. Wherever there's room left over."
"I'll save you a spot!" She calls out, which reminds me I need to grab my supplies from the front desk.
"Oh, perfect. Thanks!" She walks away into one of the rooms as more people enter.
"No slacking on the job," I hear Kendall's mocking tone behind me.
I turn around and smile wide. "What are you-"
"I came to caffeinate you. Looks like you need it, too," she says as I cover a yawn.
She hands me a cup of hot deliciousness. "Oh, God. I love you so much right now."
"I know. As you should."