Pushing the Limits(24)

"Yes, it is. It's just like when famous people marry famous people. They  get the extreme work schedules, the traveling, the paparazzi, the  tabloids."

"Yeah, and most of them end up in divorce!" I defend. "If you actually  research famous people who stay married, you'll notice it's those who  rose to fame together, or around the same time, and the ones who married  a non-famous person. Or someone less famous than they are. Having two  people with crazy, strict schedules and cameras in the face all the time  wouldn't make them understand more-it'd make them twice as crazy."

"Well, you aren't famous. You aren't avoiding the cameras and being pressured to look half your age."

"No, but being into something that someone else isn't doesn't work either."

"But don't you attend a college primarily based on the arts?" A wrinkle forms in-between her eyebrows, and I sigh.

"Yes."

"So … shouldn't it be like swarming with guys who are passionate about arts and all that stuff?"

"You'd think so. But then you have two people who are overly passionate  about the same thing and then neither of you care about spending time  together."

"Wouldn't you spend time together doing the same thing? Like when  couples watch movies together because they're both really into action  movies, or when couples run or workout together because they're both  really into fitness?" She turns the dishwasher on before slicing the  lemons. "I think you're just making excuses."

I roll my eyes and scowl. "I'm just a realist, that's all."

"A pessimist is more like it."

I don't get the chance to respond because a few customers start flagging  her down. The before dinner rush begins so I take my drink and walk  back to my booth. I sit alone as I watch the overly-PDA couples suck  face.

I think about Professor Hampton and how we share the same passion.  Putting the fact that he's my professor aside, I wonder if someone like  him and someone like me could actually work out. I'm not exactly  emotionally stable, but he makes me want to try. He makes me want to try  to have something more.





"Dude, why are you sitting here alone?" I look up and see Kendall shifting into the seat across from me with a beer in hand.

"Because there are literally no single guys here tonight. It's all couples and desperate chicks."

"You're a desperate chick." Her words oozing sarcasm and pity.

I glare at her and take a drink of my warm beer. "If I'm desperate, then  those chicks literally have no standards at all." She snorts. "Why are  you here, anyway?" I ask.

"Kellan got called into work."

My brows furrow. I know she's lying. "Really? Your car salesman boyfriend got called into work?"

"Y-yeah." She quickly grabs her beer and takes a swig. "They had someone  call in sick last minute and they needed an extra car detailer."

"Hmm … really?" I'm not buying her shit for a second.

"Yup. So are we going to find you a hookup or what?"

"I seriously doubt it."

"Oh, come on. The choices can't be that bad. Look! A group of guys just walked in."

I check my phone and notice the time. "It's after midnight. They're in here looking for a drunk, easy lay."

She narrows her eyes, confused. "Isn't that exactly what you want?"

"Oh, well, yeah," I stumble, confused at my own words. "Of course."

I've never wanted more than just a fun few hours with a guy, but lately  the thought of having more has been circling in my mind more and more.

"I'll grab us some more drinks and see if I can get a couple of them to  follow me back." She winks as she gets out of the booth, and I laugh at  her implication.

It's not long before there's a crowd of drunken guys at our booth.  Kendall managed to hustle at least four of them, as well as buy our next  round of drinks and shots.

Trevor, or maybe it's Trent, has squeezed my knee at least a half a  dozen times. Every few minutes, he grips my leg and slides it upward,  and every time, I grab it and slide it back down. Kendall shoots me a  look that tells me she's wondering what the hell is wrong with me, but  even I don't know, so I just shrug and make an annoyed face.

My phone lights up with a text from her. He's cute! Why are you acting like he's covered in mold?

I sigh in frustration. I really don't know. Considering I've never  thought twice about bringing a good-looking guy back to my place,  tonight just feels different.         

     



 

I think I'm going to head home. Just not feeling it, I text back.

She cocks her head in disapproval. You're staying! Come on. Just give him a chance.

Since when do you encourage one-night stands? I text back, suspicious that she's up to something.

Since I haven't seen you bring a guy home in weeks, which means you're  sex-deprived! And you're like an angry octopus when you don't get laid.

I roll my eyes and put my phone down.

Fine, I mouth to her and glare. She has a point, but that doesn't mean I'm taking Mr. Grabby-Hands home.

"So, Trevor, what do you do for a living?" I ask, trying to make actual conversation.

"I'm a club promoter," he slurs proudly.

"Oh? What does that consist of?" I ask, pretending to be interested.

"I find little honeys like yourself and encourage you to visit one of  the clubs I represent." He eyes me seductively and licks his lips.

I cringe at his suggestive tone. "And what does that entail? How do you encourage people?"

"I promise them a real good time." He winks, and I shudder-and not in a good way.

"So what happens when you neglect your promise and they leave unsatisfied?" I ask directly with mock amusement.

Kendall's eyes widen as she tries to conceal her laughter, but he hears her anyway and shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

"Oh, sweetheart." He shifts closer. "You'd never leave unsatisfied." His thumb plucks my lower lip, his eyes on it like lasers.

"On that note, I'm going to go before I catch a disease." I grab my  purse and push my way out of the booth. "Good luck with your promoting  or whatever it is you do and with actually getting laid in real life."

I walk back to the bar and say bye to Zoe before heading outside. I hear  Kendall trying to catch up with me as I dig around for my keys. "Aspen,  wait!" I can feel the adrenaline pumping through me, my heart beating  rapidly as I speed walk to my car. "Aspen, hang on!"

She's out of breath by the time she reaches me. I spin around and lean  against the driver's side door as she stands in front of me. "What?" I  ask harshly.

"What's wrong? What the hell was that?"

I shrug, my jaw tense. "I'm sick of guys like that."

"Okay, sorry. I didn't know."

"I didn't either."

"Talk to me. What are you thinking?"

My throat begins to burn as tears threaten to pour out. "I have no idea,  Kendall. I-I just don't want to be that girl anymore. The one who lets  strange men into her bed, the one who can't form or hold an emotional  relationship, the one who pushes people away. I hate that girl."

She reaches for my hand and grips it in hers. "Aspen … I don't know what to say."

A tear slides down my cheek as I close my eyes. "I have feelings for someone and it scares me half to death."

"Who?"

"It's not important. There's no scenario in this world that allows us to be together."

"What do you mean? Why not?"

"He's almost ten years older than me." Eight to be exact.

"So? Age is just a number."

I snort at her cliché response.

"He's also a professor at the University."

"Okay?"

"He's my professor," I clarify.

"By professor, do you mean Ms. Jones' smoking hot nephew?" Her brows tilt upward.

I groan. "Am I that predictable?"

She snorts. "No. I just saw the way you acted around him."

I sigh. "I can't stop thinking about him. And I know nothing can ever  happen, but the way I feel when he's around is something I've never felt  before and it's terrifying. I have anxiety attacks over it."

"It's completely normal to be scared and nervous around a guy you like,  but I suspect even more so when it's someone you can't openly express  your feelings to."

"On top of it, I don't even know if I could let someone like him in. Not all the way at least."

"Why not?"

I shoot her a look. "You know why. I feel guilty even being alive,  Kendall. How am I going to date and have a stable relationship?"

She gives me a sympathetic look and small smile. "You evolve."

I exhale. "I don't know. I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing  anymore. Weeks ago, sure, I'd gladly take Trent home and fuck him six  ways to Sunday, but now I don't even have the desire to."

"His name is Tony." She deadpans.

"Whatever." I laugh. "I just feel so lost."         

     



 

"I know how that feels."

"What do you mean?"