Push & Pull(7)

“Don’t worry about. I got it,” I insisted. The pangs of guilt tickled my stomach as she gave a sweet smile and departed. I nursed my drink a while longer, mulling over the assignment when the bartender circled back around.

“I’ll take that check now,” I said, digging my hand into my bag.

“Not necessary. The boss got it,” he replied, tossing his head back. I glanced over my shoulder and there he was. The only person in the barren joint, smiling at me like a prize. We hadn’t conversed since our prior meeting and for a moment I was floored. Scotch never seemed so interesting. An internal debate ensued as I feigned interest in the television overhead but ultimately I knew I couldn’t ignore him. Keeping my eyes fixed upon his, I sauntered towards him. His finger nosed the edge of his glass and he smirked as I sat.

“Hello, Liam,” I said, taking a seat across from him.

“Can I be honest?” he said before I had a chance to give him a piece of my mind. “It wasn’t good for me.”

“What?”

“You asked the other day if it was good for me. I thought about it and it wasn’t.” His tone was flat, matter of fact. My ego took another hard ass kicking and my cheeks burned. I hoped he hadn’t noticed.

“So, that’s why you didn’t call,” I laughed, tossing my hands up in the air sarcastically before rising to my feet. His hand caught my wrist and pulled me gently back down.

“It wasn’t good for me because I wanted you.” His words were hardly a whisper.

“That was your choice and you opted to make it a spectator sport,” I coldly reminded him, “This clearly wasn’t your first time. Do you just proposition strange women to sleep with you and co-workers?”

“On occasion, yes,” he said shamelessly, “but it’s not like that.”

“Really, Liam? What’s it like?”

“You’re feisty, adventurous. Hell, you like scotch,” he laughed, gesturing at the empty glass poised in front of me. “Once things got out of hand something felt off and I didn’t like it.”

“You didn’t like me being with another man.” My words zeroed in on the heart of his lament.

“No.”

“Look, Liam. You’re nice enough but we don’t know each other, so let’s not kid ourselves. Giving me your number in a bar hardly qualifies you to have a say over who I choose to be with and-”

“You’re right,” he admitted, holding his hand up to yield my speech, “but I want that to change. I want to know you and I don’t want you to see Andrew again.” My eyes narrowed as I studied his expression. His exterior remained calm and arrogant but his eyes were different. A subtle longing hung within the depths. A longing perhaps he tried to ignore when he looked in the mirror every day. I wondered if he felt as hollow inside as I did at times.

“What are you doing tonight?” He asked, dodging his gaze towards his watch.

“Why?”

“Go to dinner with me.”

My mind hesitated before the mouth spoke. No. My lips had already formed the word but my head held fast to it. I twisted my jaw back and forth, trying to free myself but I was suspended in time.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I managed. Not a no, but certainly not a yes. The man had already slipped a business card in my pocket and lured me to his apartment once. How I thought he would stop at a maybe is beyond me. Every time I tried to push him away he pulled me back in.

“See you at 7? I’ll pick you up,” he offered.

“You don’t even know where I live,” I reminded him as I finished the last leg of scotch. Before I could even put the glass down he’d already extended his pen.

“Do you trust me?”





5



The clock edged towards seven and I moved around my apartment sitting on practically every piece of furniture. It was all I could do to calm myself. One moment complete ease would cycle over me before reality drowned it out. Five minutes and he would be here. Five more minutes to wonder if this is what I wanted. I felt sick. Before the incident in Liam’s apartment it had been nearly a year since I’d been with a man, much less even had a connection with one. I had become consumed in my career in the most unhealthy sense. Women of my stature were married to their careers, working long hours and chasing their dreams. I was chasing men I had no intention of catching.

A sudden knock sounded on the door and I gathered myself. Smoothing my hands over the hem of my little black dress, I opened it.

“You’re overdressed,” Liam grinned, handing me a bottle of wine. I took it from him trying not to seem too surprised.