Pursued(31)

He broke off as she stiffened in his arms, flashed back to the last  time he'd called her sweetheart and what her reaction had been. "I'm  sorry-"

"Stop saying that," she told him as her tears died down. "None of this is your fault. It's mine."

"It's ours," he told her. "I'm doing something that's pushing you away,  and whatever it is, I'm sorry for it. But please, Desi, you have to  talk to me. You can't just walk away like we're nothing. You're carrying  my baby-"

"I already said you could see the baby whenever you want."

"And I appreciate that. I do. But it's not just the baby I want."

"You don't mean that."

"I do mean it."

"You can't." She struggled against his hold, climbing off his lap the second he let her go.

He was up in a second, following her across the apartment-at least  until she held up a hand and said, "Stop. Just … stop for a second,  please."

"Yeah, okay." He froze in place. "Sure."

She laughed then, and somehow it was the saddest sound he'd ever heard. "Why do you have to be so perfect?" she asked.                       
       
           



       

"I'm not-"

"You are. I knew it that first night. Everything about you was so, so  right for me, and it scared the hell out of me. It sent me running away  from you as far and as fast as I could go. And it would have been okay.  If you had just stayed gone, everything would have been all right.  Instead you're here and you're breaking my heart-"

"I don't want to break your heart," he told her, crossing to her  because he couldn't not touch her when he told her this. "And I don't  want you to break mine. I love you. I'm in love with you, Desi, and I  want to be with you. I want to marry you. Why is that so hard for you to  understand?"

"Because no one ever has."

"Wanted to marry you?" He hoped not. He hated the very idea of her  being close enough to another man to even entertain the idea.

"Loved me."

"That can't be true."

She bowed her head, wrapped her arms around her stomach in a move that  was so obviously self-protective that it broke his heart. "It is true.  No one has ever loved me. I mean, except my mother and she died when I  was nine, so … it's been a while.

"My dad freaked out when she died. He couldn't handle it and he  certainly couldn't handle me. He was a reporter, too. One of the best  investigative journalists in the world. And the day after my mother's  funeral, he parked me with my grieving grandparents and took off to find  a war to cover.

"He came back a few months later, just in time to have a fight with my  grandmother and take me off her hands. Not because he wanted anything to  do with me, mind you, but to punish her for saying he was being a  terrible dad. Two weeks later, he dumped me on his college roommate and  his wife, and took off again. Six months later he showed back up because  they were having their own kid and didn't want me around anymore. So he  brought me to visit his sister and snuck out on her in the middle of  the night.

"The night he left, I knew he was going to go. He called me sweetheart  when I went up to bed. And I knew. He only ever called me sweetheart  right before he left me. My aunt kept me for three months before she  shipped me off to my mother's brother. And that's pretty much how it  went until I graduated high school and left for college.

"And you know the worst part? At the gala last night, I realized I've  done all this for him. I worked like a dog to get a degree in journalism  from Columbia. I've spent two years writing ridiculous articles that I  don't care about for the Los Angeles Times. I took the assignment on  Bijoux, even knowing that I shouldn't have, and we all know how that  turned out. I did it all, hoping that one day he'd be proud of me. That  one day he would come back and see what I'd done and he'd tell me I'd  done a good job." Her voice broke. "How pathetic is that? How ridiculous  and pathetic am I?"

"You're not pathetic at all."

She snorted. "Yeah, right."

She wouldn't look at him. He wanted, so badly, to see her face, but she wouldn't lift her head. Wouldn't let him see.

Jesus. He didn't have a clue what he was supposed to say, how he could  talk about this without sounding like a total douche. Sure, he'd had  absentee parents-a father who cared more about screwing around with  women half his age than he ever did about his family and a mother who  cared more about status than she did about her husband screwing around  on her-but through it all, Nic had always had a home. He always knew  where he was going to be sleeping and what his routine would be like and  whom he would see at school. And he'd always, always, had Marc. His  brother might be a busybody with trust issues a mile wide, but he was a  great big brother. He'd never once been anywhere but in Nic's corner.

Who had been in Desi's corner? he wondered as she put on the kettle for  tea. Who'd had her back when she'd needed it most? The idea that there  had been no one, that the woman he loved had essentially been on her own  at the age of nine, wounded him on a visceral level.

"That's why you kept the baby. So you'd have someone to love you."

"Maybe." She shrugged as she put a tea bag in a cup. "I thought about  having an abortion but I just … couldn't. And I could never give him up  for adoption. I'd go crazy wondering if he was okay, if he was with  someone who loved him or if he was just-" Her voice broke, but she  swallowed. Tried again. "Or if he was just being tolerated. I can't  stand the idea of him being anywhere he isn't loved."                       
       
           



       

Nic did cross to her then, did pull her into his arms and let his hands rest on her tummy. On their baby.

"That will never happen to him," he assured her. "We'll never let that  happen to him. He will know every day of his life that he is loved. And  so will you, if you'll trust me. If you'll let me love you. I'm not  saying I won't make mistakes, as I'm pretty new to this  serious-relationship thing, too. But I promise you, Desi, that if you  let me, I will love you forever. I will be there when you wake up and I  will be there when you fall asleep and I will be there all the times you  need me in between."

"You don't know that."

"I do know it, Desi."

Another sob racked her body and she covered her mouth to silence the  sound. "Don't say that," she said when she could speak again. "Don't say  it if you don't mean it."

"I never say things I don't mean." He got in her face then, circled her  upper arms with his hands and waited until she looked up at him. Until  she looked him in the eye. "I love you," he told her. "I will love you  tomorrow. I will love you next year. I will love you in twenty years if  you'll let me. I will-"

She stopped him with a kiss, one that stole his breath and most of the  brain cells in his head. Which was why, when she finally pulled back,  all he could do was stare at her dumbly.

"You should be careful what you promise," she told him when they both finally caught their breath.

"I'm always careful with my promises," he answered. "Because I never break them."

"I know." She pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I almost never make  promises, either, because I don't believe in breaking them. But I'll  make a promise to you, if you'll let me."

Let her? He nodded eagerly. Too eagerly if her muffled laugh was  anything to go by. But he couldn't help it. He'd die to hear her tell  him that she loved him. That she wanted him to be a part of her and the  baby's lives.

"Then it's my turn to make a promise. And I promise you, Nic Durand,  that I will love you for as long as I live. I will live with you in that  great big house of yours by the ocean. I will laugh with you. I will  raise children with you. And I will love you until I die."

Tears bloomed in his eyes, too, but when he reached for her, she held up a hand to stop him. "I'm not done yet."

She'd already told him everything he wanted to hear, so much more than  he had imagined her conceding when he'd climbed in that helicopter to  chase after her. But he just nodded, and waited for whatever else she  had to say.

"Not only all of that, but I also promise to never, ever, ever write  another article about you or your brother or your company as long as we  both shall live."

He laughed then, because how could he not? He was getting everything  he'd ever wanted, and all he had to do was fall in love with the most  wonderful woman in the world. He kind of felt as if he'd cheated the  system, and won. It was a beautiful feeling, one he would cherish for  the rest of his life.