Suddenly the whole scene hit her at once. The lovely pristine clearing was ruined—the bell-like flowers were trampled and the cotton-candy pink grass was stained with gore. The billibs were scattered and the dead xenox lay in a messy heap of blood and fur, a snarl forever frozen on its lifeless jaws. And Merrick just stood there. Merrick who should by all rights be dead after what he’d just been through.
I almost lost him, she thought. Almost lost him forever. I’ve been such an idiot—such a fool! Telling myself I only cared because of our stupid artificial bond and that I’d be able to turn off the way I felt once the bond was dissolved. I have to tell him how I feel…that I really do love him…
She opened her mouth to speak but Merrick beat her to it. “I’m all right,” he said and winced. “Well, I might have a few bruised ribs but other than that and a few scratches, I’m fine.” He frowned. “But I shouldn’t be. And neither should you.”
“I’m sorry—” Elise began but he didn’t let her finish.
“Do you hear what I’m saying, Elise? That thing could have killed you! What the hell were you doing off the path and playing with Goddess-damned billibs? That’s like hanging a fucking ‘eat me’ sign around your neck!”
Looking at his blazing eyes, Elise realized he wasn’t just angry or upset—Merrick was furious with her. The words of love died on her lips and a wave of defensiveness washed over her. “How am I supposed to stay on a path I can’t even see—or smell—or whatever it is you do?” she demanded. “And how could I possibly know that thing would be attracted to those cute little ponies?”
“Cute little what?”
“Ponies, all right? The billibs—they look just like a toy I had a child. They seemed so completely harmless—so adorable.”
“They’re xenox fodder,” Merrick growled, his eyes still flashing. “The bottom of the fucking food chain. And you nearly died for one of them. Why didn’t you let the one you were holding go when I told you to?”
Elise looked at him in disbelief. “And let that monster have it? Watch it get mauled and eaten before my eyes?”
“Better than getting mauled and eaten yourself,” he snarled. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” Elise took a step forward and poked him hard in the chest. “If you think I would ever give up a helpless, defenseless creature to a filthy predator like that then you don’t know me, Merrick.”
“I know you ought to be dead right now.” He glared down at her. “And me right along with you. And all for a fucking animal.”
“You’re the animal.” Elise lifted her chin and returned his glare. “Expecting me to abandon that poor little thing. I’ve spent my life—based my whole career—on protecting the weak from the strong. If you could hear some of the stories I hear in court—those innocent children and what was done to them—”
“Don’t you mean what was done to you?” he asked, his voice suddenly soft.
Elise still felt as though he had slapped her. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” She took a step back but Merrick followed her.
“I’m talking about the real reason you won’t let yourself get close to me. And it’s not that stupid fiancé of yours or the fact that the bond between us is fake. It’s something that happened in your past. Something somebody did to you.”
The door of the vault creaked dangerously. “No,” Elise shook her head. “No…no.”
“Yes.” Merrick advanced on her steadily as she continued to back away. His deep voice was coaxing and there was no more anger in his eyes, only longing. “Yes, baby. If you could just face it, just tell me—I promise no matter what it is, I won’t run. I’ll stay with you, help you get over it.”
“There’s nothing to get over,” Elise said in a shaking voice, trying to convince herself as well as Merrick. “Nothing to tell. So just…just leave me alone.”
“I can help you,” he insisted. “Just let me try. You’re not the only one with shit in their past, you know. I had a pretty fucked up childhood myself. If you’ll just—”
“I said, no!” Elise nearly screamed at him. She felt fragile inside, like a crystal goblet with cracks running all through it. All it would take was one careless tap on the side of the goblet to shatter it all, to let everything it had been holding in for so long come gushing out in a painful flood. She stumbled backward and landed on her ass in the small purple stream. The water splashed up around her, drenching her, mingling with the hot, salty tears on her cheeks.