Despite the fireflower juice, he’d still been awake when she and Shuura came into the room. When Shuura had said he must be asleep, he’d almost spoken up, but then something occurred to him. He knew that Elise was dead set against touching him while he was awake and alert—as long as the touching might lead to something else. But maybe if she thought he was asleep, she would reach out to him.
It was a stupid hope, and he felt angry at himself for being weak enough to have it. But he couldn’t help it. Though he wasn’t afflicted with the hunger that tormented Elise, he still craved her touch, every bit as much as she craved his.
So he lay in the darkness, unmoving, waiting to feel her soft little hand on his skin, hoping against hope that she would come to him if she thought he was asleep…if she didn’t think he was a threat to whatever secret she was keeping from both him and herself. He waited for hours, feeling Elise’s hunger intensify until it was an actual physical pain. But despite the way it had to be ripping her apart, she wouldn’t come to him—wouldn’t even put a hand on his arm. It was as though the few inches between them on the bed was a chasm she couldn’t or wouldn’t cross.
Finally, he’d drifted off to sleep, still untouched. And he’d woken up the same way.
So stupid, Merrick told himself angrily as he blinked in the early morning light. I’m such an idiot, loving a female who doesn’t love me back. Wanting one who’s already spoken for. But the connection between them that one night Elise had let down her guard had been so intense…so right…
Forget it. Forget her. It’s what she’s trying to do with you, isn’t it?
He knew it was true and yet the urge to turn over and hold her was still so strong he had to clench his hands into fists and tense his spine to keep himself in place, to keep himself away…
“Good morning.” Elise’s light, feminine voice cut through the tangled net of desire, anger and longing. “Are, uh, are you up?” She touched him very lightly on the arm and then withdrew at once, as though his skin was red hot and might burn her.
Merrick sighed and did his best to stow the disturbing emotions away. They were going into the Deep Blue today. He needed to be on point—not distracted by his own stupid lovesick feelings.
“Yeah, I’m up.” He sat up and swung his legs out of bed, keeping his back to her. “I, uh, didn’t hear you come in last night. Did you sleep well?” The lie felt wrong in his mouth but he wasn’t about to admit he’d lain awake half the night waiting for her to touch him.
“Like a log,” she said lightly.
Liar, thought Merrick. He’d heard her turning restlessly beside him for hours and he could hear the strain in her voice now, no matter how she sought to hide it. But he was through confronting her. If she wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, fine, he’d play along.
“Good to hear it,” he said aloud. “I’m going to grab a shower and then we can get first meal before we go.”
“Great. I’m starved.”
“Really?” Merrick turned to her at last and gave her a penetrating look. He could see at a glance how tired she looked. The dark circles were back under her warm brown eyes and he could feel the hunger rushing through her like a wildfire. She was literally burning with need. But it was clear she wasn’t about to admit it.
“Yes. Breakfast, er, first meal sounds great.” She tried to smile with little success. “Dinner last night was delicious. It’s too bad you missed it.”
“Yeah. A real fucking shame,” Merrick growled. He looked at her hard for a moment longer and at last she had the grace to drop her eyes. But she said nothing. Asked for nothing. Merrick ached to hold her. He told himself if she even lifted a hand to reach out to him, if she twitched so much as a finger in his direction he would take her in his arms and give her what she so clearly and desperately needed.
Elise didn’t move.
He sighed and got up. “Well, I’d better get that shower. We need to get going if we’re going to make any headway before dark.”
“Of course.” Elise wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. “I guess I’ll get dressed. I had my shower last night.”
“Yeah, I smelled…I mean, I can smell Shuura’s special plant wash on you.” Merrick cleared his throat. “Well, I’d better…”
“Yes, of course.” She nodded quickly and he couldn’t help thinking that she wanted him gone.
“See you at first meal,” he growled, and left.
* * * * *
Breakfast passed in a blur of new foods—exotic fruits and some sweet, fresh bread that tasted like oranges and almonds to Elise. She knew she would have loved every bite if the hunger hadn’t been gnawing at her so severely. She wondered if Merrick felt it too—if he sensed it through their bond as he had before. From the penetrating look he’d given her, she was sure he did. But he said nothing about it and she was too proud to mention it herself.