Running a hand over his skull-cut hair, he sighed. “Fuck it. We’ll leave it alone for tonight. Come on, I’m beat—let’s go to bed.” He stretched out on the bed, feeling bone weary and ready for some shut eye. He let his eyelids drift shut and was almost asleep when he realized he was alone on the bed. Where the hell is Elise?
When he opened his eyes, he saw her. She was standing there, at the edge of the sleeping platform with her arms crossed and her hands fisted under her breasts. But it was the look on her face, even more than her body language, which caught Merrick’s attention.
She was leaning toward him, a yearning look in those deep brown eyes, an expression of hunger so great it was nearly starvation. Her lower lip was caught between even, white teeth that reminded him of pearls and her nostrils flared periodically, almost as though she were scenting him. Like a starving person smelling a meal they really want to eat, Merrick thought, bemused.
But despite her obvious hunger, Elise stayed where she was. It was as though she was on the outside looking in—unable to get what she wanted, what she so desperately needed. Something was holding her back. Something was keeping her from coming to him.
Something…or someone? Merrick wondered, remembering her terror when he’d first come into the room.
“Elise? Baby?” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Why don’t you come to bed?”
“I don’t…” She shook her head uncertainly. “I’m sorry, Merrick but I don’t know if…if I feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with you after all. I mean, what if I wake up while it’s still dark and see you and think you’re…I mean, what if I have another bad dream. A really bad one?” she whispered.
Merrick sighed wearily. It was tempting to feel frustrated at her for her sudden fear of him…but he’d seen the terror in her eyes, had heard the panic in her voice. Something had happened in the past and somehow, his appearance in the dark had triggered a flashback, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
“Look,” he said reasonably. “I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable but somehow this has to happen. I have to touch you, baby. Have to feed the hunger, or you’re not going to make it. You know that, right?”
“I know.” But still she stayed where she was, her slender body strung taut as a wire. It wasn’t just that she didn’t want to lie down on the bed so close to him—she physically couldn’t make herself do it, Merrick realized. The fear he’d inadvertently roused in her was too much, too strong to overcome. They had to find another way—but what?
Suddenly, he had an idea. It wasn’t going to be very comfortable but what the hell, after the day they’d had he was tired enough to sleep anywhere.
“Here,” he said. Moving slowly, so as not to startle her, he got up from the sleeping platform. Then, grabbing a couple of pillows, he lowered himself to the ground right beside the bed. Lying on his back, he got as comfortable as he could and then nodded at her. “Okay, it’s all yours.”
“But…” She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Get on the bed. You’ll see.”
“All right.” Still she hesitated. “And you…you won’t…”
“I’m staying right here,” Merrick told her firmly. “Won’t come up on the bed with you unless you ask me to.”
“Okay.” Gingerly, never taking her eyes off him, Elise crawled on the bed. “But I still don’t see how this will help.”
“Here.” The sleeping platform was low and he was big which meant Merrick was able to reach up and rest his hand on the mattress. It wasn’t super comfortable, but nothing about this situation was. He decided he’d better make the most of it. “Can you just hold my hand?” he asked softly. “Will that be okay?”
“Yes. Yes, I think so.” The relief in her voice was so great it almost sounded like tears. Merrick wanted to lift his head and see if she was crying but he knew if she was, he would want to comfort her, hold her. And right now she wasn’t up for that. Wasn’t up for anything more than holding hands.
He felt her small, cool hand touch his palm and then, hesitantly, she entwined their fingers. It felt like holding a child’s hand—a child who had been hurt so badly it was still in her somewhere, crying. What happened to you, baby? he thought as she settled in the bed above him. Was it so bad you had to bury it? So bad you can’t even stand the thought of it?
Merrick had memories like that—plenty of them. He didn’t exactly bury them, but he didn’t dwell on them either. Better to deal and move on, to leave the past alone.