Merrick sighed. “Damn it, I forgot about that hunger shit.” Unbidden, the image of Elise, topless and pressed against his bare chest rose in his mind’s eye. He could almost feel the soft press of her breasts, could almost touch the silkiness of her skin and smell her sweet, feminine scent as she shivered against him… Stop it, he told himself savagely. It’s not going to be like that again. If she needs to be touched, I’ll touch her. But not with any kind of tenderness or love—it would be a mechanical act. A bloodless transfusion of what she needed from him to her. Merrick swore it to himself.
“You can’t afford to forget it,” Sylvan said, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Not if you want to keep her alive until you reach Rageron.”
“I’ll take care of it, okay?” Merrick said. “I guaranteed her safety to that fucking fiancé of hers, didn’t I? You know I don’t break my word.”
“I just want you to be careful,” Sylvan said quietly. “I know you’re angry right now and you have a right to be—everything you thought you were feeling is coming from an artificial bond, and that’s a lot to take in. Just don’t let your anger blind you to Elise’s needs.” He put a hand on Merrick’s shoulder. “All right, old friend?”
“Yeah. All right.” Merrick sighed. “We had some pretty, uh, intense contact on the way back from Earth.” Once again the image of Elise sitting half naked in his lap flashed in his mind but he pushed it away. “So she should be good for at least awhile.”
“Hopefully.” But Sylvan didn’t seem convinced. “Just keep an eye on her. You’ve pulled her back from the brink twice now—you don’t want to have to do it again.”
“You’re right.” Merrick nodded. “I’ll keep it in mind, I promise.”
“I know you will.” Sylvan squeezed his shoulder and let go. “I’ll say goodbye then. And may the Goddess go with you and grant you success.”
“Thanks,” Merrick muttered sarcastically. “I’m sure she will.” Then he turned and swung into the cabin of the little cruiser and shut the hatch.
* * * * *
Elise sat on the narrow bed in the cabin Merrick had designated as hers and felt miserable. It was clear to her now that the big Kindred had finally accepted the fact that their feelings for each other were fake. As fake as their bond. Even worse, it seemed like Merrick liked it like that. That had been perfectly obvious to Elise when she heard him talking to Sylvan—talking about getting their bond dissolved as casually as if he’d been discussing a mole he wanted to get removed.
Which is good, she told herself firmly. Because that’s what I am to him—a mole. A tumor—a parasite. It’s just as well that we both acknowledge the truth and not try to make our relationship into something it’s not.
But if that was true, why did she feel so utterly, unbearably sad? Why was her stomach tied in knots every time she saw him? Why did she still yearn for his touch?
Well, the answer to the last question was obvious, she told herself. She yearned for his touch because she was actually physically addicted to him. The tall, scarred warrior with the mismatched eyes was literally her drug of choice—at least as long as their fake bond was intact.
Of course, the hunger couldn’t explain away everything. It couldn’t account for the wetness between her thighs whenever she was near him. Couldn’t explain the way her heart had pounded and her nipples had grown hard when he held her in his lap and told her how he wanted to taste her pussy…
Stop it! she told herself. Stop it right now. I don’t have those feelings for anyone—not even for James. Not since…But she couldn’t think about that. About the reason she had put her sexuality away, like folding away a sweater she didn’t need during the long, hot summer months. Put it in the vault. Put it in the vault and keep it there. Elise pictured the heavy vault door closing and had a momentary moment of peace.
But only a moment.
“Hey back there,” she heard Merrick shout from the front of the ship. “Come up here and get strapped in. We’re cleared for take off.”
The last thing she wanted to do was sit beside him and pretend to make small talk, keeping her hands neatly folded in her lap, when she was literally aching to touch him. But it seemed there was nothing else for her to do.
She left her cabin and walked down the narrow center isle of the ship toward the sound of his voice. She passed through a small living area which was directly across from an equally compact kitchen before coming to the front of the ship.