“I know you will,” Sylvan said gently. “I never doubted it for a moment. I just wanted to make sure you were in the right frame of mind before you left. You know you can’t confront the Ancient Ones with a troubled heart.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Merrick growled. “I spent enough time on Rageron looking for my true father’s kin after I got off Tranq Prime to know the score.” Sighing, he turned to his old friend and met Sylvan’s eyes. “I’ll be fine, all right? It’s like you said—the bond is artificial and so are all the feelings that come with it. As long as I keep reminding myself that nothing is real, that I don’t really have any true feelings for Elise, everything will be all right. We’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond. Then she’ll go her way and I’ll go mine.” He threw the clean-all cloth at Sylvan who caught it reflexively. “End of story.”
Sylvan frowned. “It’s a little more complicated than that. You—”
“Hi.” The soft feminine voice startled Merrick and he turned to see Elise standing there, holding a small bag in one hand and wearing a very unhappy expression on her face.
Merrick felt awkward—had she heard what he’d been saying? Then his uncertainty around her pissed him off—why should he give a Goddess-damn if she’d heard? Hadn’t he basically been saying the same thing she had said in the viewing room? That their bond was fake, that it meant nothing? He remembered again the look on her face when she’d said that all their feelings for each other were a lie. Merrick had tried to feel nothing about that but he couldn’t help himself—hearing her speak those words made him feel like she’d jabbed him in the guts with a heated blade. In other words, it fucking hurt. It’s all fake. I shouldn’t let it hurt, he told himself fiercely. But knowing their bond and all the emotions associated with it were false didn’t help—it hurt anyway.
He looked at Elise, standing there, with that uncertain look in her big brown eyes. He wasn’t a male who gave second chances and yet he’d made an exception for her once already—he’d believed her about forgetting her fiancé. But to forget her joining as well, a joining that she clearly still intended to go through with…well, that was one thing too many in Merrick’s mind. He’d let himself be vulnerable to her as he never had to another since he was too young to know better. But that was over now. No more weakness. No more—
“Hello Elise,” Sylvan said politely and Merrick realized he was just standing there, glaring at her. What was wrong with him, for fuck’s sake?
“I…I got a shot of translation bacteria from Olivia,” she said. “And I’m all packed and ready to go.”
“Great.” Merrick jerked his chin toward the ship. “You can stow your stuff in the left cabin at the rear of the ship. The right one’s mine.”
“Thanks,” Elise said shortly. “So how long will this actually take?”
“At the way Rageron’s orbit stands now, a week in and a little under a week out. Probably a week there, to get the skrillix. The Deep Blue takes awhile to penetrate,” Merrick told her.
She frowned. “Three weeks all together. That doesn’t leave much time for the actual cure.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you back in time for your precious joining ceremony,” Merrick growled. “Plenty of time.”
Elise lifted her chin. “Great. So we’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond, then we can both go our separate ways.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that the plan?”
Merrick bit back a growl of frustration. She was letting him know she had heard what he’d said to Sylvan—every word. Well, it’s true and no more than what she said to me earlier, he reminded himself. But he still felt like a fucking asshole. “Right,” he said aloud. “That’s the plan.”
“Good.” She nodded briefly. “I’ll go get settled. I’m ready when you are.” She climbed into the interior of the cruiser and disappeared from sight.
Merrick ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Gods…”
“That wasn’t a pretty scene,” Sylvan remarked. Then he frowned at Merrick. “So you gave her a separate cabin? You’re sleeping alone?”
“Does she look like she wants to sleep with me?” Merrick demanded. “Of course I’m fucking sleeping alone. Why do you even ask?”
“I’m asking because your sleep time should be the primary time you can feed Elise’s hunger. Prolonged contact during the night cycle might be enough to see her through during the day.”