He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe that the bond is growing, which in our case, isn’t good.”
“Oh dear.” Elise felt a sudden rush of despair. She’d been feeling so good, so light and happy and free for once…and now she came crashing down to reality like a bird soaring in the sky that’s been pierced by a hunter’s arrow.
“Hey, baby, don’t cry.” Merrick pulled her closer and pressed her face to his chest. “It’s going to be all right. We’ll get it worked out in the end.”
“But how are we going to work it out, Merrick?” she demanded, pulling away and wiping the tears from her eyes angrily. “By breaking the bond,” she continued, answering her own question. “And then what?”
“Then whatever you want,” he said, looking at her steadily. “Tell me something, do you really want to go back home and get joined to that idiot, James?”
“I don’t know.” Elise looked down at her hands. “I don’t think so…but what else can I do?”
“Stay with me,” Merrick said. “We can go wherever you want. I don’t care as long as we’re together.”
“Even without the bond?”
“Even without the bond.” He stroked a strand of hair out of her eyes. “You know it’s not all about that. Even when we dissolve it, I know I’ll still feel for you, baby. Still want you.”
Elise bit her lip. “I feel the same way,” she admitted. “I have for awhile, but I’ve been too afraid to tell you. But Merrick…I don’t think I can.”
“Why not?” He frowned at her. “Look, if it’s because you don’t want to leave your career, I’m okay with that. I’ll come down to Earth with you. Now that the Scourge threat is lifted, the Council has approved cohabitation of Kindred and their brides on Earth.”
“It’s not that.” Elise looked down at her hands. “What we just did was wonderful, but I don’t know…don’t know if I could ever go farther. If I could ever do more.” She sighed. “I think I was able to go so far because letting you, um, taste me, wasn’t…didn’t trigger anything from my past. But doing anything else…well, I just don’t know.” She looked up at Merrick. “Do you understand? It wouldn’t be fair to you to ask you to deal with all my crap. You don’t need the baggage I bring.”
Merrick sighed and she felt his frustration, surging through their bond. “Yes, I do! If it’s yours, if it comes with you, I want it. Don’t you understand, baby? I want all of you. The good and the bad.”
“That’s very kind of you to say, but I don’t know how you’d feel if you knew…” Elise broke off, shaking her head.
“If I knew what?” Merrick sat up abruptly and faced her. “Maybe if you’d tell me, if you’d just talk about it, there wouldn’t be so Goddess-damned much ‘baggage’ to deal with.”
Elise felt cold all over. “I thought you said you’d never ask me to remember pain I wanted to forget.”
Merrick pinched the bridge of his nose as though trying to drive back a headache. “I know, baby, and I don’t want you to have to remember something that brings you so much pain. But sometimes the only way to get over something is to go through it. If you could just trust me—”
“I do trust you,” Elise whispered, taking his hand. “As much as I can trust anyone. And I want to stay with you, Merrick. I’m just not sure if I should.”
“Well, I’m sure.” He raised her hand to his lips and placed a sweet, hot kiss on her palm. “Damn sure. You belong with me and you know it. Now come on, say we’ll stay together.”
Elise bit her lip. Her heart wanted what Merrick was offering so badly she could nearly taste it. But her gut warned that she should be careful, that there were monsters in her past that could drive even a love as strong as Merrick’s away. She sighed. Just once she wanted to listen to her heart. Just once she wanted to give in to emotion and let herself be carried away.
“Say it,” Merrick urged again, softly. “Let me hear you say it, baby.”
Elise couldn’t help herself—her heart won out. “All right,” she whispered. “I’ll stay with you. Or you can stay with me if you really think you wouldn’t mind living on Earth.”
“Baby, I’ll live anywhere as long as you’re there,” he murmured.
“Oh, Merrick,” she breathed. The sincerity of his love for her came through their bond loud and clear and she couldn’t help wondering what she had done to deserve such devotion. She looked up at him, losing herself in his strange but compelling eyes, letting herself drift forward for a kiss. Merrick pulled her close, his mouth descending to hers and Elise thought her heart would burst when their lips met. “Merrick,” she whispered, pulling away just a little. “I lo—”