“I don’t need to know, Julia. It’s none of my business.”
“But it is since he was that way because of you. Jimmy has known him for quite a while before you were even in the picture. He never cared for women. If he wanted sex, he would get it and that was the end of it. He looked after you, treated you right. In the end, you both fell, but it seems only one is admitting it.” She crosses her arm over her chest and I know she’s talking about me.
“I’m sick, Julia. What kind of life could I give him? I may be cured for now, but it could come back. The doctors don’t know. Hell, I don’t even know. He could be happy without me.”
“See, that’s where you are wrong. He hasn’t been happy since the day you left. I bet he smiled for you. He did, didn’t he?” I nod my head. “He hasn’t smiled since you left. You took that with you. Now, I think it’s time you give it back.”
“You don’t understand,” I say, shaking my head.
“I do. You made passionate love last night and now you are gonna run? All because you think it’s best. What about what’s best for him? Do you even care?”
“Of course I care,” I scream at her. She’s making me angry. I don’t think she realizes it, but she is. I’m not the once shy girl who would be walked over easily. I’m stronger now and I won’t hold back.
“Well, get your sexed up pussy back to him before it’s too late.” She leans in and hugs me. I wish her luck and jump back into the cab. I won’t destroy his life a second time. It's time for me to go home and move on with my life.
When someone looks at a new love, the neural circuits that are usually associated with social judgment are suppressed.
Almost another year has flown by and it’s been a crazy one. I now live with my grandmother and look after her. She was not at all pleased with that arrangement. I also own a youth center for children. I invested some of the money I had left and used the rest to purchase the center. It started off small at first, but now we have two full time employees and five volunteers.
The day I left Julia’s was hard. I was lost and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I hired a car and drove to my grandmother’s. She was the one that gave me the idea and I ran with it.
I haven’t spoken directly to Kai since I left, but he knows exactly where I am. I get notes from him, letters, text messages, you name it, and he sends it. Our youth center is full of flowers from him each week, with words of encouragement written in the small letters. Yesterday was, “You spread your wings.” Today's is, “Now I want to watch you fly.” I smile at each one I get because it’s romantic and I often wonder what he’s doing. Is he spying on me like he used to? Though, for some reason, I think he’s giving me space and wooing me.
As I pull up in my grandmother's driveway, I spot the red truck that drove me here many years ago. I climb out slowly, not taking my eyes from his truck. When I close my door, I watch his open and close and he comes straight towards me. He stops when he’s in front of me and a smile starts to form. It's something I’ve missed greatly.
“I got your flowers and letters, thank you,” I say to him. His dimples show even more and I feel like a schoolgirl lusting over the most gorgeous guy in school who is giving me attention.
“Would you have dinner with me?” he asks, kicking a rock with his shoe. He seems nervous and it makes my smile grow wider.
“Like a date?” I question him.
“Yes, like a date.”
“Okay.”
He takes my hand and guides me to his car before I can change my mind. He reaches in and buckles me up. Before he climbs down, his lips touch my forehead and I think I’m truly happy. No demons, no memories to consume me.
Just free! He makes me feel free.
I watch her hair flowing in the wind as she walks across to me. Not one woman in my life has taken my breath away the way she does. Not one woman has affected me in the way she does. When she left me to get herself better, it made me worse. I was obsessed with her, but not in a crazy stalker way. No, I was obsessed with her as a person. I missed her so much, I sunk into oblivion. Not literally, but it sure as hell felt like it. My captain ordered me to take time off work in the first few months, she fucked me up that bad.
I would do it all again if it ended the same if I had her like I do now, with a smile on her face and my baby in her belly, carrying my name. She may have had her problems, but every day she works at fixing herself and she still sees a doctor once a month.
Sometimes I see Kayla come through, though I know it’s still Kristy, just with more backbone. She’s unique within herself.