“I want you to watch something,” the now quiet doctor says. He presses a few buttons on his remote and what I see shocks me. It’s me, clawing at myself. Then, all of sudden, I smile. But those words leaving my mouth aren’t me, they can’t be.
“I had to show you more, you needed to see. Plus, she wanted me to as well.”
I don’t answer him and watch her, her body language is different from mine. It seems her speech is as well. Her accent is thicker, but we are in the same clothes, in the same position I’m in right now.
How is this even possible?
Then she talks about protecting. Is that what she does? Then the last part, the talk of blood, makes me break out in cold shivers.
I sit there shocked, still trying to work it out. The doctor asks Kai to leave and he squeezes my hand as he stands and walks out. I watch him retreating and wonder what I’m to do. How am I meant to deal with something like this?
“Kristy, I need to ask you something. I know it will seem odd, but I think it could help you.” He puts his notepad down and crosses his legs. He rubs his temples and then looks back at me.
“I was only here for a short time doing a study. I’ve finished that study and I have to go back to my office in New York. Now, I don’t want you to worry; though, I would prefer it if you came with me, I believe I can still help you. It will take a lot of time and therapy, but I’ve had great results. We will have psychotherapy sessions twice a week and, during that time, I will meet your alter. We encourage your alter and you to come together, so we can start to address the main problem and issues. Sometimes, we also use hypnosis.”
I nod my head, trying to process all that is going on. How am I meant to deal with this?
“Can I let you know?” I ask. He nods his head and gives me his personal cell phone number so I can call him with my decision. I walk out from his office more confused than when I walked in, but standing outside waiting for me is someone who confuses me even more. Kai.
Scientists have discovered that men and women’s brains react differently to pain, which explains why they may perceive or discuss pain differently.
Kai still didn’t say much after we left the office yesterday. He made me lunch and told me not to leave for my dorm just yet. I gave him that much, since all he’s done for me hasn’t been easy. He came back last night and made us both dinner. He didn’t stay to eat it, but came to make sure I ate and he kissed my forehead before he left.
I wake and find Kai sitting on the end of his bed, holding his head between his hands. I look at him and wonder why he’s wasting his time with a girl like me? I sit up and he turns to look at me. I’ve made up my mind and I know I have to tell him. I need to get better. I need to be me. Just me.
I rang Dr. Walker yesterday and he told me there’s a spot available at his clinic where he has patients like me. We have our own separate rooms and we do daily activities. There are a few that I can afford now. I even rang my grandmother and I found out that she knew. Somehow, I knew she knew. She told me Kayla made an appearance when I was a child and she told me that there was a trigger. It was the song. She said my mother used to sing that song. My mother was a schizophrenic something or other, which I also didn’t know. I knew she was a bit wild, though that’s as much as I knew.
“Kai, I’m leaving,” I blurt out. I want to slap my head for my word vomit.
“I still want to see you,” he says.
Shit! He thinks I’m going back to my dorm.
“I won’t be able to see you for some time,” I tell him. How do I tell him? He’s the first person to crack my walls.
“I’m moving away, Kai, because I need help. I can’t live with myself knowing I could flip anytime and hurt someone. I might not have any memory of it, but it hurts knowing about it.”
“What are you talking about, Kristy?” He has completely turned to face me now. I look at his face and I don’t think I will ever forget it. His long eyelashes, his beautiful dark eyes, and the dimples that hide and only appear when he smiles at me.
“Doctor Walker has a clinic away from here and I’m going. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone for. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me and I hope one day I can repay you.”
“You can’t leave. We can get you help here,” he says, grabbing my face. His own face is scrunched up in pain.
“I can’t stay, Kai, I have to go.”
“When are you leaving?” he asks, sounding sad. I want to make him happy, but I have to deal with myself first.
“Today.”
“Today? Today? You can’t leave today. That’s just stupid, Nani. I only just found you.” He shakes his head like he’s trying to rid himself of my words, but it doesn’t work.