I sit up and look at my wrists for the first time and see they are heavily bandaged. I pull my nightgown up and see the same with my upper thigh. When I pull it back down, I see Kai standing there staring at my cuts on my legs. He looks back at me and his face hardens again. Sometimes I wish his face would be more expressive; it’s usually always the same. It’s the mask he hides behind because if he lets people in, they may know all his secrets.
“Let’s go home,” he states, walking over and pulling out some clothes for me to wear. He walks behind me and undoes my dressing gown. I let it fall, then feel him slide my arms into a shirt. When I see the sleeve, I realize it’s not mine. I turn my head to ask him and see that he looks sad and his face is tight. He tells me the shirt is his. He wanted something loose that wouldn’t hurt me. I smile and completely forget that if he wanted to, he could see me naked right now and I wouldn’t care.
He buttons me up while standing behind me, giving me my modesty, and then pulls the shirt down before walking around to the front of me. He brushes my hair back from my face and pulls out a pair of track pants from my bag. He dresses me in those too.
Once I’m dressed, he leans in and kisses me on my forehead. I let my eyes close feeling his touch on me. I don’t think it’s a thing I ever want to stop.
The sense of touch is activated by neural receptors, such as hair follicles found in the skin, but also pressure receptors on the tongue and throat.
When we arrived at Kai’s after leaving the hospital, I am put straight to bed with the remote and fed. He cooks my breakfast, lunch, and dinner and he doesn’t disappoint. I was right when I answered where I’d want to dine forever… it would be with him and he could cook. Plus, the view is a major bonus point as well. Kai hasn’t slept in the same bed as me though. Last night, after he took the plate from me when we finished eating, he went for a shower then came back and kissed my forehead before going into the living room. I waited for a good while for him to return and, when I ventured out, I saw him on his sofa stretched out, asleep. I grabbed a blanket and covered him and went to sleep myself.
I haven’t moved from the bed today, apart from going to the bathroom, which is located in his room anyway. I stand and walk to the bathroom, this time hoping to shower away the dried blood I can still see on my skin. I listen, but don’t hear Kai anywhere, so I start to undress. Once the shower is the right temperature, I climb in and lean my head against the wall, letting the water wash away the blood.
I’m still not sure exactly what happened. I remember some parts and the memories haunt me. I wish they would disappear forever. I awoke during the night in a cold sweat as they slaughtered my dreams. Just thinking about them now has me starting to panic. I sit down in the tub and let the water wash over me.
That’s when I hear it.
I hear it again.
The count… One, Two. My breathing starts to grow deeper and I clutch my hair and pull at it. I don’t want the memories, anything but the memories.
“Why did you tell your mother, Kristy?” he asks, standing over me in my bedroom. I shake my head to tell him I didn’t and he swears.
“You did, don’t lie to me. I did not raise a liar. I told you not to tell anyone, it’s our little secret.” He leans down and pulls my blanket back. I shake my head, but he won't listen.
I come back from the memories and look around the room. I can’t see anything or anyone. Where did that song come from? Why did I hear it? I find Kai’s razor sitting on the bench and extract the blade. I look at my skin and don’t think as I position it above my non-abused thigh. I need the memories gone, banished from my thoughts.
The first cut helps and I watch as the blood mixes with the water, becoming a faint red stream. I make another cut just above it, drop the razor in the tub and lay back as the memories leave me. I start to feel free, back to myself. I let myself doze off and hope for a peaceful sleep as the water cascades over me.
I wake to a slap across my face, just as I’m nodding off. I open my eyes and see Kai standing above me with a helpless look in his eyes. He turns the shower off and I look down to see the bleeding has stopped and so have the thoughts as well. He grabs a towel and leans down to pick me up. I try to lift my arms to go around his neck, but they are too lazy to move. He swears under his breath when he picks me up and takes me to his bedroom. He begins pacing back and forth, looking a little lost.
“Why?” he asks, pulling at his mohawk.
I can’t answer him. He’d be disgusted if he knew some of the things my mind was producing. I shake my head and don’t answer him. He looks at me with a pained stare and walks from the room, returning with bandages. He unwraps the towel and leans down next to me. I no longer care if he sees me naked. He has seen me at my worst and he’s still here.