After reading a few pages, she dozed off again, but it wasn’t long before she jerked awake, having had another nightmare. That meant only one thing, and she couldn’t avoid it any longer—she was going to have to call Natalie and set up an appointment.
Kory felt dread that weighed heavy in her belly. She knew Natalie was a necessary evil, but she didn’t know that she was ready.
It didn’t matter if she thought she was ready. She had to do it. If she didn’t, she might as well kiss Stone goodbye.
He’d asked to see her more than once over the weekend, but she’d begged off, using work and lots of studying that needed to be done as an excuse. That wouldn’t work forever, though, and he knew she didn’t work Monday night. So, Monday morning, she’d called Natalie and begged her former therapist for an appointment as quickly as possible.
“What time are your classes over?”
Well, that settled it, and Kory was walking to Natalie’s office after class instead of hanging in the library waiting for Tina as she usually did. She was nervous about the whole thing because, even though she was older and possibly wiser than the last time Natalie had treated her, Kory knew that she might feel worse before she felt better, if it was anything like before. She knew Natalie would have her examine her life and her past, and it would hurt.
She just didn’t understand why it was bothering her now. She thought she’d moved beyond it.
She arrived at the two-story building a few blocks away from Main Street where Natalie’s office was housed. It wasn’t near the hospital or other medical buildings; in fact, her office was next to a bank and in the same building the driver’s license people were in. It was a white, unassuming building surrounded with little fanfare, the only vegetation being a little strip of grass and two trees. Natalie’s office was located in the basement next to an accountant’s office.
Walking in the door, Kory was struck by how much she herself had changed since she’d last been there. She’d been almost seventeen when she last visited Natalie, and she was convinced she’d never need to see her again. She remembered that last day, though—Natalie had walked out the door with her and said, “If you ever need me again, all you need to do is call.” Kory had smiled, feeling freer than she ever had, and thanked her, but she didn’t think she’d ever need to walk in that building again.
And, much as that place offered comfort, it was also a harsh reminder of all the pain she’d felt when she’d been there. No, it wasn’t pain that Natalie had inflicted. It was pain that Natalie had helped Kory through. Natalie was convinced that there was more to Kory’s struggle than Kory had talked about, and even Kory herself felt like maybe she hadn’t been able to get to the bottom of it, but they’d discussed that too, that the human brain is a weird thing. It blocks things out sometimes to protect the person. In some cases, the human brain could create fractured personalities, allowing a soul ways to cope with overwhelming trauma. Kory didn’t think that was what had happened to her—she’d never had any bouts of missing time or anything strange like that—but she had wondered if maybe there was more to her story than even she could remember.
The police had shared all the information they knew with the press and in the trial, and that was enough for Kory’s brain to rattle loose a lot of ugly things part of her wished she’d never remembered.
But something was struggling inside, whether to get out or to be relived once more, she didn’t know. All she knew was she needed a little help.
When she opened the door to Natalie’s office, the woman shook her hand. Kory wanted to hug her but knew it was probably inappropriate, even though she’d often felt like Natalie had saved her life—or her mind, at any rate. Natalie told her she looked good and was amazed at what a lovely young woman she turned out to be. And then they discussed the ugly money situation. Kory could make ends meet but knew she couldn’t afford two hundred a pop. Fortunately, Natalie asked her if she’d taken advantage of the new medical laws, and Kory said she had and discovered that Natalie’s services weren’t going to send her to the poorhouse.
So then it was off to the inner office where Kory could once again face her demons.
She smiled, because Natalie’s office hadn’t changed much since she’d last been there. She was sure there were details she’d forgotten that were different, but she was struck by a few things—the bookshelf on one wall, which still held several of the same books, many focusing on codependency; the desk, still piled high with files and papers, one little corner dedicated to a computer and the surface right in front of it clean, so she could tell it was a desk made of wood or something that imitated it quite well; the matching gray suede-like loveseats that Kory couldn’t remember being there before, but she knew there had at least been something similar a few years ago; and the opposite wall that Kory had always thought of as the “play wall” because there were a few board games, toys, puzzles, and other things Kory knew Natalie used when working with kids. In fact, Kory wondered if it was appropriate that she had asked Natalie to see her. She didn’t know if the woman specialized in children and teens, but then she reminded herself that Natalie had told her to call if she ever needed her. It made sense, really. Natalie, unlike a new therapist, knew Kory. Well, at least Kory hoped she remembered her. How awful would that be, having gone through all the shit she had with Natalie, to have the woman forget her? That would be almost unbearable.