She didn’t know that she’d ever felt this safe or loved in her life, and she felt that way now in spite of all the tumultuous shit rolling around in her head, shit that she thought she’d let go of years ago, but no. It was there and it was heavy. It was undeniable.
And Kory wondered how the fuck she was going to deal with it.
For now, though, she wanted to enjoy this fresh new sensation for just a few minutes. In a while, she was going to have to ask Stone to give her a ride home so she could get to class in the morning. But he felt so warm, so firm, so caring that she didn’t want it to end, even though she knew it must.
Stone managed to wake himself up a few minutes later, because he asked, “Are you okay?”
She didn’t know that she was ready to talk about it. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Kory could feel him stretch behind her and he stroked her hair with his hand, pulling it away from her face and back. She could feel his face hovering over hers, so she half closed her eyes, hoping he’d think she was drifting asleep. “Then tell me what was going on earlier. It’s not that I don’t want to believe you, but you didn’t sound fine.”
She drew in a deep breath, able to tell that he wasn’t going to let it rest without some sort of explanation. But how? She wasn’t quite sure how to tell him what was rolling around in that fucked-up head of hers. She sighed again and rolled over onto her back so she could look him in the eyes. “I, uh…something happened to me when I was a kid and…for some stupid reason, it all flashed in front of my eyes.”
He looked confused. “Because I was going down on you?”
“Yeah…no. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It’s not your fault, and I’m sorry that happened.”
His voice grew gentler then, as if he could see inside her soul. “Why are you sorry, Kory? You shouldn’t be sorry for something that obviously traumatized you.” She blinked, not sure what to say. He lifted his hand then and brought it to her face. Then he touched one eyebrow piercing and another, followed by the nose ring and one snake bite and the other and then he moved to her ear, where he ran his finger down the curve, touching one earring after another. “I think I get this now. I think…these represent scars, don’t they? Each hole stands for some kind of pain you’ve felt.”
She shook her head slightly. No, he didn’t get it, and how could she explain to him that a lot of her piercings were merely a way for her to get to know him. But then she saw that he was partially right, because if she hadn’t avoided the tattoo gun for so long, she would have made that her reason to visit him. The fact that she could be punctured over and over and over again…well, that was because she’d felt like she wasn’t worthy of…something. What, she didn’t know, but she felt like she’d been used and abused and no one would want her.
And yet she hadn’t known that till right this second.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“So tell me what the hell’s going on, Kory.” His eyes were intense. “Let me in. I won’t hurt you.”
Oh, she’d heard that before. She trusted Stone, yes, but she didn’t feel ready. Somehow, the girl who’d felt like she was a complete and total bad ass now felt very fragile. Afraid. Unsure of the future. Did he fit in it somehow? Oh, God, she hoped so.
“I don’t know that I’m ready to tell you…all of it. I—don’t think I can. Not yet.”
“So tell me part of it. You’re safe with me.”
Oh, she needed to hear that. She let the air out of her lungs and touched his temple with her hand, then traced his jawline with her finger. She then ran her finger along his lips before talking. “I, uh…had a pretty rough childhood. My mom wasn’t a good mother, and, uh…one of her boyfriends treated me badly.”
“Abused you?”
“Yeah.” She’d dropped her finger from his face and was staring at his chin, unable to look him in the eyes for the moment. “I was in therapy for a few years after my mom died, and I thought I’d moved past this.”
He exhaled and pulled her to his chest, as though just the act of caring could wash away every bad thing that Kory had ever felt. She almost believed it could. She pressed her cheek against his painted chest and closed her eyes, letting his love wash over her.
Love? Well, maybe not that but something pretty damn close.
She didn’t think she’d ever been comforted quite the way Stone was, and she thought that his care, if nothing else, could help her heal better than years of therapy or denial had.